What a country! As God-appointed Americans, we live in a Christian land, founded on Christian morals by non-masturbating Christian heroes. One of the great tenets of this fantastic nation in which we reside is the concept of a free democracy. A government of the people, by the people, for the […]
The following is the story Grandpa Shalavin told me about the dangers of marijuana when I was a little kid. 2,000 years ago when Jesus first discovered America, 3 masturbators were walking through the forest. Suddenly a big shadow passes over their heads and a big dragon lands in front of them. […]
WEST PALM BEACH, FLA. – If you were born after 1980 you’ve probably never seen this device before, and you likely don’t even know what it was used for. But if you were born in the age of self-control, you’re parents may have made you wear this, and if so, […]
It is a known fact that masturbation is a top-ten cause of serious disease, as well as an act of incest and an act of homosexuality. As dictated by the Lord’s prophet on earth Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, we must not only abstain completely from masturbation, we much preach abstinence to […]
The goal of masturbation is to achieve climax alone by stimulating ones genitals combined one of the following rape methods. 1.) Fantasizing about another person or person(s). In doing this you are raping that person. You have no right to be thinking those thoughts. Even if you are married and […]
The Big Masturbation Conspiracy: Preliminary Findings In keeping with the Mission of the Patriot Act, the Department of Homeland Security has organized a joint study and collaborative relationship among elements of the FBI, CIA, and the Stop Masturbation Now Ministry. The purpose of the study is to determine the extent […]
B.L.U.F.F. AZ – The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow, along with NASA, has determined that self rape residues in the atmosphere are at unsafe levels in many areas of the United States. The FFBT and NASA, as part of a joint taxpayer funded coalition, has been measuring the levels of […]
MASTURBATION IS A TOP TEN CAUSES OF DISEASE Aches, Heart Disease, Paralysis and Suicide: When sexual organs are handled it causes a rush of blood to these parts, and causes oxygen depletion in other organs of the body, because they are left with a less amount of blood than they […]
It is not often that the shrill caterwauling of the socially destructive feminist movement could ever be considered to hold something in common with socially responsible Christian conservatism, yet on the subject of self-rape we really should be natural bedfellows [figuratively speaking, of course]. You see, the group that masturbation […]
The act of masturbation is illegal in all 50 states and US territories where it is classified as a “lewd and lascivious” act. Police departments are actively seeking out masturbators, as they present a danger to society and the fines associated with this crime generate a lot of revenue for […]