Internets Meems Warning!

January 31, 2015 13

WARNING: Do not be tricked by certain internets meems. Some may appear to be spiritual and comforting, my dear friends in Christ through Brother Lonnie, but they are merely a ploy by Big Masturbation to promote self rape. Take this one, for instance. Note the nasty underbelly to this filth. It calls on a young and capably moistened LGN of child rearing age and hip structure to tell her significant SGN that she is riding off on her pear shape […]

New Downs Discovered, Masturbation To Blame

January 30, 2015 7

U.K. B.L.U.F.F BIOSCIENCE CAMPOUND (SMNN)

A shocking statistic released by the U.K.B.L.U.F.F.B.C revealed the results of the extensive several pages of data collected by myself, and various other SMN Deacons and Elders, such as Cassidy Penn, show a direct link between Juggalo Gay Bowel Disease and chromosomal damage, resulting in Neo-The Downs.

THE KNOWN PROBLEM

It has long been known that the Satanic and violent atheist perversity cult of Juggalos was infected with a terrible viral disease, long ago having muted from the […]

How to Keep Minorities from Ruining Your Super Bowl

January 30, 2015 8

(StopMasturbationNow)—This Sunday is Super Bowl XLIX (49 for the uneducated). This year’s game pits Tom Brady and the New England Patriots against the defending Champion Seattle Mariners. The game will be broadcast live from University of Phoenix stadium in Phoenix AZ at 4:30 Mountain Standard Time.

America loves football, and football loves America. The Super Bowl has grown to be an event that transcends normal boundaries and involves people not normally considered to be fans. People across the nation gather in […]

New Female Masturbation Solution

January 30, 2015 20

Brother Lonnie’s Anti-Masturbation Research and Development team has recently completed work on one of their most ambitious projects to date; a contraption that serves as a solution to the female masturbation problem. The new product, dubbed the “Sin Cave Stopper®” by Brother Lonnie, himself, has reached the final testing stages and should be released to the general public shortly.

Lead Engineer on the “Sin Cave Stopper®” project, Raymond P. Ellis, explains the faith technology and how it works, “Project “Lesser Gendered […]

Masturbator Marries Herself

January 30, 2015 7

Houston TX (SMNN)

A great offense against Our Lords took place in Houston, Texas, when a non-Normal-lesser-gendered married her own self, most likely, having caused the baby Jesus to weep on the cross out of rage and shame.

Non-Normal-Lesser-Gendered Yasmin Eleby, proudly married herself, in a direct affront to decency at the Houston non-Normals ‘Cultural’ center, in a ceremony containing many non-Normals, and most likely, Satan The Devil himself.

Eleby has promised to “Love herself” as a result of this marriage.

SMN spokesperson Dr […]

Interview With a Masturbator: James the Juggalo

January 29, 2015 9

Detroit, MI – My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way, in this edition of IWAM, I sat down (without shaking hands) with James Pearson, a 19 year old Juggalo, who naturally lives in the basement of his parent’s home in an undisclosed suburb of Detroit.

Although of normal complexion beneath his hideous white and black clown makeup, James is a filthy Juggalo, meaning a fan of the trip hop shock duo, Insane Clown Posse. Juggalos are a self-rape subculture, […]

So Long Obama

January 29, 2015 12

You know you’re on the way out
It’s just a matter of time
You thought you’d rule the world forever
Long live Lonnie, don’t spare the loser

After all, you’re not what you thought you were at all
You’re just a non-normal fact
on nature’s hard unfeeling trail
And all those liberal dreams of old, will be stories left untold
Cut off in your prime, extinct until the end of time

Now the truth emerges, a shadow starts to fall.
Not one knows what hit them, Lonnie can see it all
Even as […]

Will Farrell Shows Obama 2 Girls 1 Can

January 28, 2015 6

(StopMasturbationNow)—Obama is a terrible president. No wonder he can be found here laughing at the grotesque film “2 girls 1 can” on an Macintosh ipad.

Will Farrell is best known for starring in the Vacation movies alongside Denis Quaid.

 

 

I cannot wait until we have a whiter president –Lonnie

What Girls Masturbate to Compared to Guys May Shock you (Photos)

January 28, 2015 25

(StopMasturbationNow)—Some pornography is more obvious than others. If you see two girls enjoying a buck cake you are definitely watching pornography. But parents did you know that your daughter looking at cat photos on myspace could be just as bad or worse? Recent studys show more girls masturbate to pictures of things like wedding dresses, clothed men, and animals than guys do to things like 2 girls 1 can.

 

Here are some examples.

As you see, the pictures on the left […]

Masturbation: This can happen to you!

January 28, 2015 10

Sickening, isn’t it?  Meet Chad Hollingsworth.  Before his life reached this miserable state of outright depravity, Chad was a busy yet successful tax attorney with a beautiful same-race wife, three God-fearing Normal children, and a Golden Retriever named Barkley.  Feeling a little tense while browsing online one day, Chad came across a sLIEntific news report that masturbating was a great way to lower one’s blood pressure and relieve work-related stress.  One bout of self rape was all it took to […]

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