Archive for May, 2015

Lonnie Childs Succeeds In Getting Iggy Azalea Tour Canceled

Lonnie Childs Succeeds In Getting Iggy Azalea Tour Canceled

Lonnie Childs has done it again! Word has come down from Iggy Azalea’s management that her ‘Great Escape’ tour has been officially canceled. The alleged rapper, Azalea, has long been considered a tool of the entertainment division of Big Masturbation. “Big Masturbation has used pop stars and singers as means […]

by May 30, 2015 5 comments Lonnie Childs
How Masturbation has Ruined Nature

How Masturbation has Ruined Nature

(StopMasturbationNOW)—We all know that masturbations destroys souls, your body, the family, children, and morals. But did you know masturbation effects the planet you stand on? From earthquakes to tsunamis, masturbation has wreaked havoc on the planet. Here is photo proof of what semen leaking into the soil has done when […]

by May 29, 2015 5 comments Science
Are All Internet Trolls Masturbators?

Are All Internet Trolls Masturbators?

B.L.U.F.F CAMPOUND (SAFFORD, AZ) Workers at the B.L.U.F.F Campound and Uranium Mines in Safford, Arizona announced today that they have proven that all internet trolls are horrible, Godless, masturbating, heathens. In an exhausting study of internets around the globe, a 16 year inquiry finally ended with the unfortunate suicide of […]

by May 29, 2015 5 comments B.L.U.F.F., Compound News, Lifestyle, Lonnie Childs
Study: Self-Employed Are More Likely to Self-Rape

Study: Self-Employed Are More Likely to Self-Rape

A recent study conducted by The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow has uncovered a new faith fact proving a link between self-employment and self-rape. The Foundation’s study concluded that the rate of self-rape among individuals who consider themselves “self-employed” was significantly higher than among individuals who work for someone else. […]

by May 27, 2015 8 comments Family Values
I’ve Masturbated and Can’t Get it Up

I’ve Masturbated and Can’t Get it Up

(StopMasturbationNOW)—I’m going to get right to this one. Masturbation is the number one cause of sexual dysfunction and impotence. When a male first has sex he is usually too ready, premature ejaculation can happen because he is excited and it is all so new. Over time this naturally corrects itself […]

by May 22, 2015 16 comments Science
Was Josh Duggar Caught Masturbating by his Father Jim Bob?

Was Josh Duggar Caught Masturbating by his Father Jim Bob?

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Scandal is in the headlines this week as news reports surfaced about the famous Duggar family from the smash TLC hit television show 19 Kids and Counting. Most of the news centered on accusations that Josh took part in molesting including “forced fondling” and “inappropriate touching”. It seems that former […]

by May 22, 2015 7 comments Celebrity
Help: I Masturbated at a College Slumber Party

Help: I Masturbated at a College Slumber Party

Dear Lonnie: I have a question/confession I would like to reveal. I’m not sure how best to start so here it goes; my friends and I were having the usual college girl sleepover. A couple drinks into the sleepover somehow my friends and I started comparing breast size. Now, I […]

by May 21, 2015 15 comments Ask Lonnie
Is Your Teen Going to End up a Homosexual Masturbator on Prom Night?

Is Your Teen Going to End up a Homosexual Masturbator on Prom Night?

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Prom night is as American as Apple Pie, the 4th of July or Baseball. It is a tradition, a right of youth and for many the night when they become an adult. People look forward their whole teen lives to prom night. The fancy clothes, a limousine, dinner, the dance, […]

by May 20, 2015 7 comments Lifestyle
Top Five Cultures To Go Extinct From Masturbation

Top Five Cultures To Go Extinct From Masturbation

HISTORY-SMNNN Throughout the 8,400 years man and the entire world has existed, many nations rose from self-sin, and shamed creation, and rightfully so, became extinct. Here is a list of the top five cultures of people to extinct from masturbation: 5) SOME CHINESERS China, largest nation in the Ornament, is […]

by May 20, 2015 10 comments History, Supernatural Disaster, Uncategorized
SMN Self Rape Alert: Mad Max Fury Road

SMN Self Rape Alert: Mad Max Fury Road

SMN Safford, AZ-As kids flock to the latest Hollywood Blockbuster, Mad Max-Fury Road, a disturbing parental alert has been issued by the Faith Advisory Parental Media Information and Liturgical Foundation (FAPMILF), the anti-masturbation in media arm of Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.). Various hidden pro masturbation messages have […]

by May 20, 2015 11 comments Big Masturbation, Press Release
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