The Cold Shower: Nature’s Remedy For A Self-Raping Son, Daughter or Spouse.

June 30, 2015 27

 

Have you ever caught your own child wrestling Satan’s grasp on their genitals? Have you come home to a moaning spouse, watching an episode of “Three’s Company?” What do you do in this situation? Sure you may spank the gay out of your kids, or discipline your spouse with a rolled-up newspaper. You may even commit an honor-killing. But what about afterwards? What about helping your loved one to maintain their self-purity?

This is when we must look to God. What […]

The Anti-Masturbation Go-Board ™

June 28, 2015 22

SMNNN- (B.L.U.F.F PRODUCT RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT)

Hello Faithfriends, Chosen Normals and Pledged Self-Chastes, and our allies! Today we are pleased to present the answer to all your portable anti-masturbation needs, the newly unveiled Anti-Masturbation Go-Board ™, the collapsible restraint system designed by the same people who designed the Anti-Masturbation Cross ™.

In these dark, masturbation laden times, we at B.L.U.F.F R&D heard the requests of parents who bought our extremely successful Anti-Masturbation Cross ™, and their requests for a more portable, easier […]

Rain in Washington D.C. Thought To Be God’s Tears Following Landmark Decision To Allow Gay Marriage

June 27, 2015 18

SMNNN (WASHINGTON D.C.)

Weather.com reports rain and thunderstorms in the Washington D.C. today, following the landmark decision by the Supreme Court to recognize gay homosex marriage and queerosexual unions, and to disobey the Lord and his holy wishes, ultimately ushering in the Rapture, signifying the beginning of the end of the world as we know it.

The rain and thunder were said by local Lonvidians to be “a sure sign of (the rapture)” and “probably ( the tears of a weeping God, […]

Did Jimmy Fallon Injure His Hand Masturbating?

June 26, 2015 2

(StopMasturbationNOW)— Jimmy Fallon won’t be taping “The Tonight Show” on Friday due to a hand injury, an NBC spokesman told TheWrap.

Although the network will be airing a repeat while Fallon recovers, the spokesman assured that the comedian is fine, otherwise.

An individual with knowledge of the situation confirmed reports that the injury required minor surgery.

Fallon was spotted out and about in Manhattan’s Upper East Side on Thursday night, and snapped a few photographs with fans dining at a restaurant called Scalinatella.

According […]

Study: Masturbation Residues found on 99.7% of Discarded iPhones

June 26, 2015 3

B.L.U.F.F. SAFFORD AZ – Mobile phones and devices have become an increasing fixture in American life during the last decade or two. It seems that a person can go nowhere without finding citizens fiddling away with their noses in a cellular phone or tablet electronic device. Pastors and Ministers have even reported that parishioners will be surfed up during Sunday church services.

But these sins pale in comparison to the most deadly of sins, that of masturbation. At Brother Lonnie’s University […]

Why are People Masturbating While Watching The Walking Dead?

June 25, 2015 13

(StopMasturbationNOW)—One of the most popular television shows this decade has been The Walking Dead. It is a show about a rag tag group of survivors fighting their way through a post-apocalyptic world.  The show seems innocent enough, however our data shows a marked increase in masturbation and masturbation related activities when people view this Showtime television program.

Thanks to a federal grant from the Foundation For a Better Tomorrow we analyzed all the episodes to look for masturbation related content and […]

The Most Common Sex Toy Used for the past 10 years…The Cell Phone

June 24, 2015 12

 

Ten years ago, the “Smart Phone” was unveiled. The entire world of the Information Super Highway soon became available in a “handy” little device. You could surf the entire world wide of webs and: find directions, check your stocks, send a text message, order a pizza, etc. You could also visit the secular pornography sites of the internets and find pictures and videos to self-rape to.

This breakthrough in the corruption of one’s soul should have been enough for the large […]

Parental Warning: New Children’s Website Instagrams Delivers Drugs to Kids

June 23, 2015 19

(StopMasturbationNOW)—There is a new website geared to children called Instagram that your kids might already be using. Instagram is short for “instant grams” and this service provides drugs by the grams free to kids in exchange for pictures.

Anything from pot to ellisdee is available from this service. A new trend is for kids to take pot anally freeing up both hands to masturbate. Parents, it is vital that you check your computers and mobile cellular telephones for this website. Stop […]

Lonnie Childs tells South Carolina “Tear Down That Flag”!

June 22, 2015 2

(StopMasturbationNOW)—After the tragic events in South Carolina last week, the nation has been in mourning and fixated on racially charged topics including that of the Confederate flag.

This weekend SMN industries Leader and founder Dr. Lonnie Childs spoke to audiences at several stops in South Carolina. “The Civil war was not about slavery, It was about federalism vs states rights at the time, however it is now only about slavery as the winners wrote the history books” Dr. Childs spoke to a […]

New Zealand, the World’s Self Rape Hell

June 20, 2015 15

New Zealand is a volcanic mass in the middle of the sea lying east of the Island nation of Austria. It has been proven that the earthquake and natural disasters which formed New Zealand were the point from which devils burst through the earth in the demonic ascension, one of Satanism’s blackest unholy days.

The Holy Bible contains countless references to this event. Ezekiel 16.3 speaks of “great rumblings of darkness where no souls care to tread” and the book of […]

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