Research Shows These Seven Hobbies Will Prevent Self-Rape

August 31, 2015 17

For a long time, it was believed that God gave people a given level of abstinence and there was nothing anyone could to to prevent the sinful lust impulses that lead to masturbation.

Scientists at Brother Lonnie University or Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.) through a grant awarded by the Foundation for a Better Tomorrow have now proven that we can actually increase our abstinence potential and enjoy ourselves without handling our filthy sex organs in the process.

Here is a list of seven […]

Shorts: Satan’s Garment

August 28, 2015 6

A new study by the Foundation For A Better Tomorrow resulted in the discovery that there is a significant increase in self-rape rates in the warmer months of the year. Faith Scientist, Brother Richie Brinkman made the startling conclusion that one of the key factors to this spike in masturbation statistics is due to the “wearing of shorts and other inappropriate summer wear” on “beaches and common American city streets”.

Brother Brinkman asserts that, “Lesser gendereds, and even some men, take to wearing […]

Brother Lonnie Accused of Patronizing Ashley Madison

August 28, 2015 9

As the fallout of the Ashley Madison masturbation scandal reaches its climax it’s to be expected the LIEberal elements of the netsites would try to tarnish Brother Lonnie’s saintly visage with tawdry claims that his e-mail account was among the millions exposed by hackers.  The notorious lesbian netsite hacker known simply as “Salazar” has claimed that she found a suspicious e-mail address among the millions released from Ashley Madison internal servers.  The e-mail address in question is  In a […]

Annual 4 Corners Mass-Wedding Ceremony Set for September

August 24, 2015 10


Have you ever dreamed of participating in a mass-wedding ceremony performed by your favorite alternative religious leader?  What about joining, in holy matrimony, with four of your same-race assigned spouses at the same time?  If so, you will be glad to know that SMN Ministries has the Annual “4-Points Marriage Marathon” planned, set and ready to go on September 1st.

Just mere miles northeast of the SMN compound in Safford, Arizona, lies the “four corners” national monument.  Four Corners is where […]

“666” Sign of the Beast or Code Talk for Homogay Threesomes?

August 20, 2015 16


We all know that The Gay is caused by masturbation.  It is a same-sex, sex-act, where one engages in giving hand jobs to their own genitals and therefore, their own gender.  Knowing this, we should all be mindful of the language that the Gays use.

Every version of the Bible warns us of the “Mark of the Beast” as a way to identify the devil.  The symbol “666” is referenced in The Old Testament, The New Testament, The Book of Mormon, […]

Lonnie Childs Pulls Masturbation Confession from Sandwich Baron

August 18, 2015 3

By now you’ve probably already seen the news that former sandwich icon, Jared Fogle, of the famed Subway fast food chain is about to plead guilty to allegations that he possessed illegal child pornography. Prior to this revelation, Fogle had been mum about his level of guilt in the Jared Foundation pornography sweep by federal agents. However, sources inside Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts have revealed that a sit down with Lonnie Childs is what convinced Fogle to admit […]

“Scientific Study” Requires Men to Masturbate to Pornography

August 13, 2015 43

A “friend” shared a completely disgusting article the other day that claimed a “scientific study” recently found that men ejaculate larger amounts of sperm when they’re with, what they called, “novel” women. I was initially suspicious of this posting, so I read further and realized that this was not a study conducted by faith scientists to help pure, normal men procreate with multiple women.

No, of course not.

This “scientific study” came to its conclusions by way of requiring the men involved […]

Are You A Closet-Homosexual???

August 7, 2015 18


Have you ever heard the term “Closet Homosexual?” Do you know what it means? Back in a more civilized time, Americans did not openly discuss things, such as: masturbation, mixed-race children, women’s rights, genetically modified food, The Gay, or the Democratic Party.

In those days, rather than openly discussing such disgusting topics as Masturbation, discretion was the order of the day. Knowing full-well that most masturbators of the time did so in private, a gentleman would simply refer to a masturbator […]

Lenny Kravitz Wardrobe Malfunction Proves Status As Masturbator

August 4, 2015 11

Emo rocker Lenny Kravitz recently embarrassed himself in public by way of a “wardrobe malfunction” while on stage performing to a live audience. The alleged “malfunction” occurred when Kravitz’s pants supposedly “exploded”; causing his unremarkable, rubbery genitalia to flop in time with the spastic motions his body was making to the unclean music being performed by his backing band. While the media is reporting on this transgression by Kravitz, they’re playing it off an as “accident”. Brother Ethan Applegate, a […]

Is Masturbation a Homosexual Act?

August 3, 2015 62

Friends, as you know, we here at STOP Masturbation NOW ministries are dedicated to educating the world about the dangers of masturbation.  One of the more disturbing faithfacts we have uncovered is that masturbation is a gateway homosexual act that has directly led to the moral decay of this great nation.

Typical masturbators flaunting their sin.

The federally funded study, conducted by faith scientists at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faithfacts (B.L.U.F.F.), took 16 months and $645,000 of your tax dollars in order […]

1 2
%d bloggers like this: