Archive for September, 2015

SMN Self-Rape Alert: ‘Black Mass’

SMN Self-Rape Alert: ‘Black Mass’

SMN Safford, AZ-A new waste of film depicting violence and masturbation mob activity has been released by Hollywood. “Black Mass,” starring Johnny Deep is the latest screed garnering a code red rating for excessive self-rape imagery and immoral content by the Faith Advisory Parental Media Information and Liturgical Foundation (FAPMILF), […]

by September 29, 2015 3 comments Celebrity
THE FACES OF MASTURBATION: “THOMAS Y.”

THE FACES OF MASTURBATION: “THOMAS Y.”

Masturbators for the most part look just like you or I but upon closer inspection subtle differences become apparent. Witness this lost soul, who we will call “Thomas Y.”, who has recently been diagnosed with stage-2 masturbation astigmatism. Please print out this picture and carry it with you at all […]

by September 22, 2015 13 comments Faces of Masturbation
KLHB: A Reading From the Good Book of Issaiac.

KLHB: A Reading From the Good Book of Issaiac.

It is Lonnie, who sittith with Jesus at the right hand of Almighty God, that holds the key of Heaven’s Gate. Admonish ye, all doers of evil, those that shalt spew and saturate the ground with their vile seed. For theirs is the error through earthly pleasure through wines and […]

by September 21, 2015 1 comment King Lonald Holy Bible
Facebook to Finally Allow you to Dislike Masturbators

Facebook to Finally Allow you to Dislike Masturbators

(StopMasturbationNOW)—It has been long proven that masturbation is a top ten cause of disease and the leading cause of eroding family values. But masturbation material is constantly prevalent on Facebook. People post “selvies” in which they take pictures of themselves in ordure to encourage other people to masturbate to their […]

by September 15, 2015 12 comments Lifestyle
Help: My College Roommate Masturbates While Looking at Me

Help: My College Roommate Masturbates While Looking at Me

Dear Lonnie, I recently started my first year of college and am sharing a dorm room. Its the first time I have ever shared a room with someone long term. It has only been about four weeks now but every night she masturbates, sometimes 2-3 times a night. It started […]

by September 15, 2015 14 comments Family Values
Pope Francis Supports Lonnie Childs in His Mission to Cleanse the Earth

Pope Francis Supports Lonnie Childs in His Mission to Cleanse the Earth

After many sit down meetings and hours on private phone conversations, it appears that none other than Pope Francis finally has accepted Lonnie Childs’s plan to eradicate the Earth of masturbation. Speaking to his millions… and millions of fans on Twitter, Pope Francis went on quite a rant about how […]

by September 14, 2015 0 comments Lonnie Childs
Pictures of People Watching a 19 Year old Girl Masturbate

Pictures of People Watching a 19 Year old Girl Masturbate

(StopMasturbationNOW)—There is nothing in the universe more disgusting or selfish than female masturbation. To prove this point we got a $50,000 grant from the Federal Government and The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow. Nothing is more true than someone’s natural instinct and immediate reaction. So we exposed 100 people to […]

by September 14, 2015 8 comments Science
Eternal fire awaits those who "Burn The Man"

Burn “The Man” Now…Burn IN HELL Later!

Friends, I want to warn you about a nefarious group of liberal anarchists who make annual pilgrimages to the Black Rock desert in Mexico to partake in the so-called “Burning Man” festival. The Burning Man Project started in the early 1980’s after a group of San Franciscan hippers high on the […]

by September 14, 2015 22 comments Death
Lonnie Childs to Forgive Muslims for 9/11

Lonnie Childs to Forgive Muslims for 9/11

(StopMasturbationNow)—In his annual 9/11 remembrance speech; SMN Industries founder and leader Lonnie Childs announced the need for forgiveness and reconciliation with the religion responsible for the terrible acts on 9/11. Our Faith is based on the tenants of acceptance and forgiveness, we must reach out to these wild peoples and […]

by September 12, 2015 0 comments Press Release
Is Blades and Fades a Safe Place to get a Haircut?

Is Blades and Fades a Safe Place to get a Haircut?

(StopMasturbationNow)—A good clean haircut is a staple of male family values. However People working on building our North Idaho Compound and Traveling through the State of Washington were warned by local faithful to avoid a certain barber shop.   The place in question is Blades and Fades. A local haircutting […]

by September 12, 2015 0 comments Lifestyle
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