Masturbation is a gateway drug to rape. It also leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease.
- Lonnie Childs
Praying at you!
For the people who think this site contains even the slightest bit of truth read this http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-info/sexuality/masturbation
you also might want to read this article if you want some drug dealing border jumper in you life..once again praise on high! http://www.ccainstitute.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=25&Itemid=43
Planned Parenthood is not a good source of information. Their founder Margaret Sanger created the organization in order to promote abortion specifically of black people which she believed to be an inferior sub human race. See blackgenocide.org for more info or simply Google "racist margaret sanger" or "planned parenthood racist" and you'll find out very quickly how little their information is of consequence.
Okay well hello people of the internet. I did some digging and I found out this site is directly liked to the WBC or Westboro Baptist Church, you probably know these guys from the news. They went around calling everybody, who isn't in the "view" of perfect, faggots. Examples include homosexuals, our soldiers at war, Jews and pretty much the whole world. Telling us that good HATES fags.
Okay well I don't not believe in God, I'm a atheist to be honest and even if there was a God and the God that is descried in the Bible is far from the God these guys preach. they have been twisted and brain washed in to this ideas and concepts about GOD.
If you would like to find out more about this amazing religion go here
The Good Atheist
I just assumed it was a satire site...
This nightly finger sniff thing sounds like molestation. No parent male or female should be separating their daughters labia placing their fingers hands or any other body parts near a child's genitals. You all should be ashamed
Of yourselves and I pray someone shuts this site down immediately. I am disgusted and sickened by what I read, you all are giving child molesters an excuse to touch their child. Someone is going to do this and swear they were doing a check to ensure their child was not "self rapping" themselves as an excuse to violate a child. You all are sick.
I'm not sure what religion this site is claiming.. But that aside for now, medically speaking, masturbation for males is 100% normal, okay and necessary. Sperm is not immortal, it has to be cycled out when the sperm is old to allow for fresh sperm to be created. Of course this doesn't have to be accomplished via masturbation; sex (including any sexual activity) or spontaneous ejaculation (wet dream) will do this as well. Masturbation is the best of the ways to maintain healthy sperm and a healthy prostate.
For females, masturbation is just as normal but without the physical necessity. Arousal is natural, and preparing ones mind and body for sex is completely fine and natural. Also as a medical professional I feel it's very important for each person to be in touch with their body. I have spoken with women that don't know where their vagina is. I see that's as being uneducated on the matter and no picture can replace seeing for yourself. Also, when my wife and I first got married it, her never exploring herself caused a lot of sexual issues for us as well as sexual immaturity.
I'm male and grew up Christian, so I've heard a lot about this. The bible says NOTHING about masturbation being wrong. What IS wrong would be lust, so masturbation while thinking of a specific person or using pornography would be a "sin." The issue isn't masturbation, it's viewing someone is a way that is polluting ones mind. This idea of masturbation being wrong is horrible. I really hope no parent says that to their child.. It's terrible to tell their child that something natural is wrong. It's like saying their acne is bad and makes them a bad person.
Also, masturbation DOES NOT lead to rape. Bad parenting and poor morales leads to any and all crimes. It's the same thing as guns don't kill people.. People do.
This web page needs to be redirected to be against pornography. That's the real issue, it gives an unrealistic expectation of sex for young males and puts an expectation on girls to be pretty and sexy at all times. Also, pornography really can be a gateway for some. Starts with clothed women, to nude pictures, to videos, to wanting more and more (again for some).
You people are either fucktards or trolls...I got a good laugh from this article, so I hope you're trolls.
I'm with you man. This really looks to stupid to be real. The only thing I'm praying for is for this to be a joke.
I was sitting there enjoying myself as I noticed a sudden urge, my hand lifted itself up and without my full consent began raping me, I was caught entirely off guard as I violated my own body, tears streaming down my face, paralyzed with fear only watching as my dominating hand asserted its undeserved power over me
Probably a satire ^-^ so it's post to be funny.
It's brilliant though….I can't stop laughing!! If it is real, then I'm genuinely concerned for the non masturbators out there!!!!
Luckily I'm a straight, married, white male, who runs his own bushiness, pays taxes & obeys the law.
However, my wife is a porn star (no joke), we have awesome kinky parties, we do drugs & listen to dance music! Our lives are awesome!!! HA
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha what the fuck
You have got to be kidding me! Please someone tell me this is a damn joke..This has to be fake! I masturbatory on the daily and love it! I have good values..I respect myself...no one around me suffers from it..I'm always in a better mood when I'm done...so please tell me how making yourself feel good is a bad thing? U people are gonna make some twisted ass serial killers outta some people. ..masturbating is a natural thing...ya'll are fucking seriously off!
Of course it's a joke you dumbass!
But just to play the devil's advocate here:
"so please tell me how making yourself feel good is a bad thing?"
Oh, I don't know...maybe heroin, meth, crack, (insert any highly addictive, highly toxic drug with seriously damaging physical, mental, social, etc. side effects). I hear they make you feel pretty good.
to all the denizens of le reddit, WHITE POWER. THE JEWS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS. HITLER WAS RIGHT
Guess you are screwed since the Jews pretty much run the USA, so better get your money outta dem banks cause yer gonna lose it when that rich jew finds out ya gots moneh
You're an idiot.... As someone who has thoroughly studied world war 2 and the holocaust specifically the top nazi cabinet... You clearly missed the actual reason behind Hitlers detest for Jews. Stay in school.
Btw being prejudice is like being anti human... As a human. So fucking pointless.
this is apples and watermelons, like all nickel back fans you miss the point….please take your non-normal self elsewhere…
I have a fetish for ignorance I'm hitting it so hard right now!!!
This is satyr right?
I'm masturbating while reading this hahahaha. SMOKE METH HAIL SATAN YOLOLOLOLOL
"is a top ten cause of disease"? What science journal did you get that from? "Just Making Shit Up Weekly", or maybe "I Don't Know, Could Be Right, Just Didn't Bother Finding Evidence For It Monthly"
Well Holland (i think, was a long time ago i read it) scientists did find out after a 10 year study that when a man stares at breasts at least 15 minutes a day they are 50% less likely to develop prostate cancer then ones that don't, but if you cant masturbate cause it will send you to hell i guess then you cant stare at boobies for 15 minutes a day if you don't have a woman in your life, I guess you can find a statue of the Virgin Mary and just imagine it, that might work right?
Didnt you know? God masturbated and finished with a big bang creating all of mankind... but seriously something must of really disturbed you as a child. I pray for religion to be interpreted correctly and for it to not be misused to preach peoples own insanity to others. Amen
Yes because using your hand on yourself leads to someone forcibly sticking their dick in you... Logic...
Ive shot on the carpet, call help
Reading this shit website made my day, funniest thing I've read in weeks.
yall are seriously nuts. masturbation is natural.
jesus probably masturbated all da time so shut up and get ya hands off ya hips and put em on ya dick
I literally became more stupid reading this articls -_- I honestly hope that this is a joke. I saw a picture for a restraining devise to stop children from masturbating, it said for ages 5+ what kid starts at that age like wtf, so that leads me to believe that this is fake because you cannot be that stupid -_- seriously Christian fucks you're the ones ruining this world.
Pray here. jajjajajajajajja oh my god this website has to be fake.
Even christians are not this stupid
I just have something to say to this: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhh!!! putooooo!!!! this is just hilarious.
Ah Bless all of you my children, you must stop insulting this marvelous site. You must all stop self rape please please.
thats right email me firstname.lastname@example.org
No such thing as self rape. If it's to yourself, you consented to it.
I just TOTALLY got myself of while reading your comment. Please post another one... Please
This is the funniest thing I've seen all week, thank you! Please get the site stable so we can enjoy it with less delay! You and The Onion.
My question is, how long can you sustain this interest just on the subject of masturbation? I mean surely at some point you have to take a load off???
"take a load off" hehehe
Michelle thank you for your interest in our holy netsite, however misguided it may be. Apparently masturbation is an infliction that millions of suffering people can relate to. Pretty much anything can be directly linked to masturbation, which allows for a generous variety of topics.
You'll be glad to learn that we also cure Homogayness, teach women obedience, employ foster children, help foreigners understand the errors of their ways, spread the holy message of one true prophet Lonnie Childs, and even offer complementary skin bleaching treatments to all non-normals such as yourself.
You people are completely insane. Nobody has the right to interfere in other's life. Have you ever heard of human rights you sick idiots? Hopefully Mother Earth will get rid of you soon as possible. One true prophet? Teaching women obedience? Skin bleeching? You are having a huge mental disorder, and normal people should not listen to these idiotic things you sick people say.
Didn't God masturbate and give his jizz to Gabriel to magically fill Mary with it or somethin'? Anyway, God is the real pervert, he's the one watching us all self-rape. He sees us take dumps too as far as I know, kinky fucker! God sees EVERYTHING! God and grandma in heaven, that's why I play with myself under the covers.
Actually, rape is caused by uncontrolled sexual urges. If a man masturbates, that's preventing him from raping someone. Masturbation also saves people from catching diseases because instead of having intercourse with a disease ridden prostitute, they are masturbating alone and saving money. I don't think many people actually tell their families "Hey, I'm going to go masturbate now." So I don't understand the whole "family values" part but I think it's stupid. The person running this site needs some common sense. -.-
Seriously... What the fuck is wrong with this site?
There's a bunch of masturbators currently trolling it. Hopefully we can get rid of these rejects for good, once masturbation is made illegal.
Actually it's you ignorant fuckheads who are doing the trolling, preaching to all these people saying they're gonna go to hell for a completely natural behavior. Don't ever have kids, I hate to think of your kind reproducing. And making masturbation illegal? Yeah good luck with that XD
We don't need luck. We have Lonnie Childs on our side. What do you have? Bad AIDS. Checkmate masturbator.
Good God. I'm speechless right now. I've seen a lot of idiots in my day, but I never thought someone could be this stupid. My IQ drops reading your comments. If I had an ignorance fetish, this would be a frickin porn site. You think this dumb bitch Lonnie can do anything? Whatever you say, bro. Have fun appealing to congress, who I'm pretty sure all masturbate to Obama's wife every night -_-
Oh man, we're afraid. The 'sinful masturbators' like me are absolutely trembling in fear at your unsourced articles and inconsistent facts that are exactly opposite of medical science.
Can someone please explain to me what bad AIDS is? Isn't all AIDS bad? Do nonmasturbaters have good AIDS? Humankind is royally fucked if everybody has AIDS, even if it's not "bad AIDS"
> What do you have? Bad AIDS. Checkmate masturbator.
Masturbation gives AIDS? I'm devastated. Stupid school never told me that part. I'm going for a checkup now.
And here is why religion is not taken seriously. I masturbate three to two times a day, my family is not degrading, i am at the peak of health, my immunity system is overpowered, and there is no such fucking thing as self rape.
1 A movement run mostly by idiots believing in a magic man in the sky
2 A movement designed to retrogress humanity and go back into the dark ages
Y'all just jealous I've got all the good porn!
I'm still trying to figure out if this is real or just a hilarious joke made up by someone with too much time on their hands....so to speak
this has got to be a joke hahahahahahahahahahahaha this is legitimately the most ridiculous/hilarious thing ive ever seen
You people are sick motherfuckers you know that!?!?!? Get a fucking life will you!!!! I think some of you probably need to spank your monkeys, at least once in a while, might relieve some of your tensions. More to the point, I think most of the staff of stopmasturbationnow.org need to come out of the closet, and just admit it, you are gay!!! BTW, any parent that would tie their kids up with those whatchamacallums you sell here need to go to jail, and you people with them. I would instruct you to suck my dick, but a) I never let a man do that with me and b) even if I did, I think you would like it too much. Go spank your monkey, you fucking monkey spank!!!
Reason number 12738292 to hate humanity. Masturbation is not a friggin gateway drug of any kind. People self pleasure, it happens. It doesn't mean they're bad, going to hell, or anything. All it means is that they are sexually aroused and getting relief through themselves. What would you rather have? Your son masturbating or going out and getting a girl pregnant? What do you hate most? Being a grandparent before your child is out of high school or knowing that he masturbates everyday?
Quite honestly, I'd rather know my son is masturbating and staying out of trouble. More to that, I'd rather have my daughter masturbating instead of going out and getting pregnant. I do not get why you have to see masturbation as evil or 'the devils work.' You should be more focused on other things.
You know, like priests molesting young boys at church. People embezzling church funds for themselves. Or just helping others out. All this energy put into this website would be so much better spent helping people rather than trying to condemn something that is harmless. And don't act like you have never masturbated before. I've masturbated, you've masturbated, we've all masturbated. It's healthy to do, even.
Basically, stop being so ignorant and focus your energy to something actually worth your while.
This is the most ignorantly Christian thing ive seen since the Westborough bullshit. Youre why we haven't progressed into the future, because youre too caught up in fighting primitive urges. Plus, why the hell would you tie a 5 year old to a makeshift cross to keep from touching himself. I dont know about you but guys balls get fucking itchy. Also its a threat to child safety! What if a tornado, flood, fire, heads toward your house. The kid wont be able to evacuate. Also, you might be inadvertently getting your kid raped. If you think about it, a restrained person is easy to kidnap because of little to no retaliation.
i like to masturbate in my asshole.
PRAISE THE SUN
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I think this is funny. Masturbation is normal. I'm a witch so since you'd rather kill me then hear me, blessed be.
This has to be a joke, right? If not, I hope you guys have done some expectation management before you started your crusade against your 'sinful enemies'. My well-meant advice to you would be to find another planet, beam yourselves up there, and leave us Earthlings masturbate like there's no tomorrow! Seeing what kind of lunatics nature is able to produce just made my day. Thanks for that, and may common sense eventually find its way to you!
... What the fuck?
Dear lonnie, how the fuck can you live without fapping like, every day?
Ok I'm sorry to say but nowhere in the bible dose it say masterbstion is wrong it is natural and you people need help I have read a few different versions of the bible and it's not in there at all you all need to look at how you act towards others like your somehow better than everyone who dose not share your views Jesus taught exceptiance and tolerance and love towards all no matter who they are or what they do LOVE NOT JUDGEMENT or do you forget JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED!!!! think about it don't just wright this off actually think
Its hilarious to see all these retards talk about masturbation like it is possible to just stop forever. I hope that once your lying ass starts jacking your tiny creationist penis you get smited. Too bad there is no god to smite your dumb ass.
Its time everyone to get their hands off their wieners and start appreciating some quality dick cartoons. Art available for the casual wiener enthusiast on instagram @ wienerart #wienerart
Lonnie Baseball loves wienerart
Masturbation is a top ten cause of disease, huh? What sort of pseudoscience source did you get that fact from, a Cracker-Jack box?...
Lol they are not joking they are just Christian and lack common sense
I'm masturbating to this website right now. Huehuehue.
This has to be a joke.
definitely you have a 0.8cm "pipi"
I believe in God... I believe in Prayer.. I do not believe God would want anyone to restrain their child for touching themselves. Masturbation is normal and natural.. it is the responsiblity of the parent to teach their child that there is a time and place for such behavior and it is in private. It is their body.. so it is NOT rape. You can NOT rape yourself! Who ever came up with that term was likely just trying to coin a phrase. Please use your head and think logically... read the bible. I'm pretty certain of all the sins you could commit, God would probably frown more upon you restraining a child than him being curious and exploring his own body!
Saint Jerk & Our Lady of Soledad, pray for me hand!
ohhh my ohh my who ever made these site must realy not know god loves you no matter what you do or say jeuse loves you no matter who you are what you are you are welcomed with love your made out of love and embracing love is embracing god so in the act of giving yourself the highest love your not harming yourself by loving yourself god wunts you to love you in all ways possible iss you hold you make love to you theres nouthing wrong with it at all its no sin its not going to kill you hell your be happier less stress more calm relaxed
Please tell me this site is a parody or something. There is no way this can be real.
I like your website, but I am finding it really hard to masturbate to.
You religious fanatics are fucking sick! Self-rape? Rape is only when you don't like it and it is being forced upon you fucking idiots! Masturbation is a choice, and if I have to live by the Christian code of conduct, I'll burn in hell any day. I'd like to have a little fun while I'm here. 'Cause if you guys are wrong, (and you are) then you'd have fasted your entire lives living by a set of bullshit rules effectively wasting your time on earth.
Perverted narcissistic seedspilling wankers who commits the sinful monosexual act of Satan, or couples engaging in lustful non-procreative seedspilling sex, shall not judge those born homosexuals nor transsexual nor intersex. God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and his hand, or Adam and a condom and Eve.
June I hope this website is a joke cause you're a complete idiot You need to put on something a little sexy, something that shows your ankles. Maybe some lip gloss. Find a dark alley and some perverted narcissistic seed spilling wanker junkie who will be willing to commit SINFUL acts of Satan upon your Lust filled body them blow his massive wad in your face. Loosen up, Bitch. Life is short. Sex is fun, try it once. Maybe you won't be so hateful and judgemental of other people's lives. And for God's sake, rub one out... """FLICK THAT BEAN!!! """ ♡♡♡♡
Do you have even any proof of your claim? I mean just because a lot of marriages end in divorce and also a lot of people masturbate doesn't mean that there's any corralation. I think your believes have nothing in common what the bible is all about.....sorry!
You people are sick and twisted and in need of serious mental help.
You people are frustrating my important quest 'Rukken tegen Racisme' (Dutch for 'Jerk off against racism').
There's a writer on here names TheRev Leroy Jenkins. Leroy Jenkins. C'mon guys. You see it now? It's all trolling and it's hilarious!
besides of what "leeroy jenkins" means in MMO games, there exists a rev. named "leroy jenkins". in the end it could be fake as well. in other terms such religious shit is fake always, prob. not ment as trolling or satirical, but i can't take them serious anyway. further hmm... trolling? how was this "witch" named in 19th century who gathered interested girls around her only to show them finally that there exists no such thing like witchcraft? could be a motivation for such to, but i doubt that they are clever enough. "leeroy's jerking"
I'm bisexual and a proud masturbator I love boys and I have a penis that gets bloody after I viciously masturbate, I'll see all you in hell
I don't always beat it but when I do it's to this website
Lonnie Childs, you are a FUCKTARD not everyone that masturbates is going to become a rapist. I bet you stroke you millimeter peter all night long.
and by the way, top ten cause of disease? i do remember see that article in the "You're so Full of Shit Weekly" and on the front page of "Mythology Tales"..........fucktard
Prove it. Even some animals self pleasure, for fucks sake! Please tell me this site isn't for real.
You are an idiot. That is all.
My penis and I think this is funny. I have to give my pudding a hand!!!
Amen! My little brother got skin cancer only by holding his shaft while peeing. Being in contact with your own genitals is really dangerous, and has to be taken seriously.
Surprisingly, I am immune to any danger of masturbating since an early age. I discovered it when I was copulating with my neighbor's chicken. My neighbor caught me, and told me that my penis would grow like a watermelon and then explode. My wizard's stick got bigger through the years indeed, but hasn't explode yet.
Now I am fulfilling my destiny by travelling across the country and educating young children. Some people even believe that touching my twig and the berries at the same time can be very beneficial, since I am immune to any sexual sins.
Visit my website: www.touchmymagicwankerandgetlucky.com for more information
this is child abuse plain and simple, if spanking a child for bad behavior is child abuse then tying one down is too, I am a Catholic Christian and never in all my days have I ever considered tying a child down for any reason let alone masturbation, and what parent who loves their child would do such a thing? you people belong with the Westborough Baptist church because this is the kind of filth they spew, thank God the one I believe in is not the same as the god you claim is yours, I try not to judge as it isn't my place but I have faith even God is seeing this and thinking maybe he should burn you people in hell, rape is being forced against your will, masturbation is not rape in any definition of the word, I pray for you people because you are really sick, felix 11 your post caught my eye the worst, you are immune to anything sexual my ass, the truth is probably much worse and you and all of the sick people on here need the real Jesus but most of all you should all be banned from having contact with any child, in fact you should be locked away because you probably all assault men women and children sexually, may God have mercy on you though personally I hope He does not give you mercy.
The statement is true. Masturbation is one of the top ten cause of disease. For example I got tennis elbow from spanking my monkey all day long. I thank the lord for giving me to arms.
I have soo much hate in my heart right now!
Good! Now all you need to do is turn it against self-rapists and then your heart will fill with love.
Can I interest you in a bit of Dark Side force?
Please tell me this is a parody. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. If this is how you sick freaks think then it’s time the civilized people of this world eradicate Christianity altogether. I used to be for freedom of religion but you freaks get more dangerous every day.
This site is absolutely preposterous. Y'all motherfuckers need Jesus!
Psychologically scar your children now!
Holy fucking shit, this page is the most stupidest piece of crap I've ever seen! Why on earth should you stop masturbating?! Like seriously, it's not a bad thing! I hope everyone who likes this shitty page goes to hell. And I don't even believe in god because it doesn't exist! Have a nice day, I'm gonna spend the rest of the day by wanking. I'll let you know how it was.
Dear Lonnie Childs, I am a non-normal race male living in Canada, if i lead a pious life in service to God, will I be resurrected as a normal during the end times?
I masturbated once and now I am addicted to meth, my family hates me, it led to self-rape and I am typing this from hell
Lol, I also noticed when you comment something it instantly gets 47 'dislikes' to give the illusion someone actually takes this website serious lol that's sad
its 31 ur wrong sucka
I was a masturbator. but I stopped and I feel great now. I've been jerk-free for... like 5 minutes
Site mod's just mad that he can't get a rub for his birthday :3
pornhub brought me here all i can so is GGWP
logic of this site is unbearable
ignorance is bliss, right? go do something serious and realistic ....
"The internets. The internets are full of filth." just asking what the F are you doing here ...? take this insanity you are spreading off the digital highway and crawl up in the cave where you belong!
Please provide evidence. An opinion based on false logic or information cannot prevail. There is no proof that masturbation causes any dysfunction, no evidence it leads to rape, no evidence it is a cause of disease, even in the bottom 10 causes of disease, and there is evidence that not allowing a teenage boy to masturbate can actually lead him to becoming a rapist or pedophile. Y'all have it backwards. Besides, masturbation is neither sin nor is it even frowned upon by God. He dont like it when you look at porn, but the masturbation part of it isnt sinful.
to Lonnie Child you are a false prophet and you are torturing kids! you will go to hell, if there is such a thing, for changing what the bible means.
to Nikita Shalavin. you are a blind sheeple and a walking contradiction with you naked picture of yourself standing in the water. what a hypocritical gody poser!
He that answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame unto him.
Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish [ought] from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you.
What thing soever I command you, observe to do it: thou shalt not add thereto, nor diminish from it.
For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and [from] the things which are written in this book.
the amount of people "praying against" is pretty consistent to those closed minded individuals out there so brainwashed and hypocritical they can't see the benefits of masturbation. god would never do anything for you if you prayed against someone! actually quite the opposite, he would ignore you just like he does for everybody cause there is no proof that god exists. so keep believing in your brainwash cause no where in the bible says it's a sin to masturbate. i'm an ex-pentecostal who read and memorized the bible but couldn't deal with all of your idiotic brainwash.
no one even read what i said, between the time i posted my last comment and this one a minute ago, and there is 41 people "praying against" me? now i know this blog is bullshit!
so yes i'm praying for you cause you are sick Lonnie Child
Penis is love, Penis is life. Now excuse me while i go burn some Niggerz.
Long Live the 3rd Reich, we will live and rise and steal the souls of all that masturbate, for it is a true evil, LONG LIVE HITLER, HEIL!
>I was only 9 years old
>I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies
>I pray to Shrek every night before bed, thanking him for the life I've been given
>"Shrek is love" I say; "Shrek is life"
>My dad hears me and calls me a faggot
>I know he was just jealous of my devotion for Shrek
>I called him a cunt
>He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep
>I'm crying now, and my face hurts
>I lay in bed and it's really cold
>Suddenly, a warmth is moving towards me
>I am so happy
He whispers into my ear "This is my swamp."
>He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands and puts me down onto my hands and knees
>I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek
>He penetrates my butt-hole
>It hurts so much but I do it for Shrek
>I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water
>I push against his force
>I want to please Shrek
>He roars in a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his love
>My dad walks in
>Shrek looks him straight in the eyes and says "It's all ogre now."
>Shrek leaves through my window
>Shrek is love. Shrek is life.
That went a bit Ogre board dude
just fuk teh bich in teh penis den u aint burn in hell but if u touch ur pp den u go tew hell wut!! den dat means i aint cant no go numba 1
Nigga I will shank your ass, then imma finna rape dat shanked ass.
Pray for a second Holocaust!
3hunna bang bang skirt nah bang 3hunna SKIRT naw bang skirt 3hunna naw bitch!
Heil Hitler, for he is the supreme leader of the world. He loves masturbation! HEIL HITLER 666 CTHULU 4 LYFE!
WHAT THE FUCK I LOVE MASTURBATION YOU PEOPLE ARE CRAZY PENIS NEEDS LOVE DUDE
Masturbating lowers your chance of prostate cancer, relieves stress, and helps build your immune system. I masturbate and I'm pretty sure that I'm healthy. It brings pleasure and excitement and rids of depression. Plus, "self rape" isn't even a correct term. The definition of rape is "any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person." You're not forcing yourself to masturbate, you do it when you want to. You guys are all insane.
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Please forgive me, for I have sinned. Repeatedly. Because I'm female, and we can sin many more times in an hour than men can. Especially with awesome free porn streaming to our cell phones. OH WHY HAVE I GONE ASTRAY SO FAR???
God told us to love our bodies and make temples out of them for him....can't my temple love on it'self and have a good time? I mean really, there is no harm in masturbating, if anything it keeps you from sex xD
I am Lonnie Childs
What utter idiots you people are! I for one am writing my Congressman and the White House to request that our federal dollars NEVER be used to support this sort of demented idiocy. Sick, sick people.
Whenever I need a good laugh for now on I'll come here. The sheer amount of lies and slander is staggering. I want to break a record... I want the most amount of praying against.
Oh shit I figure it out guys. They have a program that automatically prays against anything said. I saw a lot of peoples commenta with 32 pray against. So funny guys *slow claps*
I'm beating my dick right now
Pray for / pray against ahahhahahhaaha this is fucking hilarious
Really to funny I still remember the first time I came still going strong after all these years wow let loose have fun treat your stuff like its a ride at the carnival!
So within seconds I got 32 prayers against , how many of you dirty minded self righteous hypocritical closeted freaks are on this web site I mean be honest you/touched your self, maybe you were touched, your all sinners no matter how much you pray you judge and condem who/do/you think god is more pissed off at me for being an honest human or you!
You probably didn't get that right so keep/trying to figure your selves out and for GODS sake ....JERK/JILL OFF you'll feel better about your selves.
Ms. Sinner Sinner, you've proven how Masturbation causes dimness of mind. Please stop.
Are you DTF? If not we could FaceTime and masturbate together
Would it be inappropriate if i posted a video of me wanking??
I sure hope it is a joke haha Masturbation is proven to actually be a healthy thing to the extent that it doesn't turn into an obsession. It greatly helps to relax and improves arm muscles
I find the lack of sense of humor in the commenters disturbing...
Is it considered masturbation when I'm finishing on a porn star's face? I mean I'm kinda helping the process along and all because its not going to aim itself and she's waiting anxiously like a baby bird with her mouth open and sometimes its hard to perform with the video crew all staring and the hot lights - lots of pressure - but that does mean that I have to touch it and I don't want to go to double hell. Please advise.
fap fap fap
fuck you, I'll jack on your mom's upscale Christian ass
The holy Writings of the Church of Ponginae
We are very proud to announce the inception and establishment of the Holy Church of Ponginae. We have established this church in response to the overwhelming interest in theological belief in the United States of America.
Our intent is to offer an alternative religion to the established dominance of current theologies. The Holy Church of Ponginae’s sole intent is to discredit and openly ridicule ALL existing theological beliefs and religious institutions…including the Holy Church of Ponginae. Parishioners and practitioners of the Holy Church of Ponginae are strongly encouraged to actively deride and discredit any and all religious evangelistic efforts.
The Holy Church of Ponginae was conceived of on April 1st, 2014 in a small house in the mountains, west of Conifer, Colorado. It began after an afternoon of heavy consumption of Alcoholic beverages, food and cannabis. An epiphany was realized by its founders while evaluating numerous documentaries and videos on religion, atheism and agnosticism. It was decided that evening, people needed an alternative to established religions, and a methodology and opportunity to openly parody and mock them.
For the next two weeks, the council of Gigantopithicus convened daily to establish the foundation of the Holy Church of Ponginae, whilst imbibing mass quantities of alcohol, food and cannabis. Through the intoxicated debates of the council, many issues and disagreements were resolved, and a consensus was finally reached on its core beliefs, canonical texts, dogma and rituals.
The following is an explanation of the Holy Church of Ponginae, and its respective rituals, beliefs, canonical texts, scriptures, dogmas, and deities.
The primary deity of the Holy Church of Ponginae is Pongo the Gigantic. Pongo the Gigantic is described as an immortal being, who has chosen the form of an eleven foot tall, male, completely hairless Sumatran Orangutan. He is an ethereal being by nature and possesses omnipotence and infinite supernatural powers, and has been in existence before the beginning of time, space and the universe.
Pongo the Gigantic is the deity responsible for our known universe, having farted it into existence…otherwise known as the “Big Bang”. As referenced in one of the Canonical documents of the Holy Church of Ponginae, Douglas Adams’s The Restaurant at the end of the universe.
“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
Pongo the Gigantic does inhabit the earth in physical form, and currently resides in a neon pink double-wide prefabricated home (commonly referred to as a “mobile home” or “trailer”), and moves around the United States of America at random intervals. He currently resides in a small trailer park on the outskirts of Yazoo City, Mississippi, however is planning to move “somewhere else in the near future”.
Further descriptions of Pongo the Gigantic include his ability to exhale superheated plasma and fire at will, consumes a diet of various fruits (especially cherimoyas), aborted Water Buffalo fetuses, hallucinogenic funguses, cacti and toads, gastropods, and various cephalopods. He regularly defecates Hostess Brand Ding Dongs and urinates the Swiss alcoholic spirit Absinthe.
As an immortal being endowed with omnipotence and infinite supernatural abilities, there are far too many descriptions to be mentioned here. Therefore anything that defies scientific explanation is automatically ascribed to Pongo the Gigantic.
Pongo the Gigantic has provided humanity with a list of rules which must be indiscriminately and fanatically adhered to, and indiscriminately inflicted upon others by all of his subjects. They are all tattooed on Pongo the Gigantic’s immense scrotum and buttocks, they are as follows;
Rule 1: I am the creator of all…I am your god…all gods are complete bullshit and false prophets!
Rule 2: All must make crudely constructed images of me, worshipped upon and adorned with offerings of condiments, bizarre fruits, and anything else that is going bad in the refrigerator.
Rule 3: Observe the holy Sabbath of Thursday afternoon, from 2:27 p.m. to 4:52 p.m. without fail, by continuing what you’re already doing at the time.
Rule 4: Curse my name whenever possible, especially when agitated, injured, offended or it just seems like the right thing to say in the moment.
Rule 5: Do not kill…unless you have a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY good reason, and if you must kill…do so in my name and insist I spoke directly to you, and commanded you to do so.
Rule 6: Engage in sexual intercourse with anyone or anything willing, as frequently as possible…if unable to do so, repeated daily masturbation is mandatory.
Rule 7: Do not steal…except from the obscenely wealthy, any multi-national corporation, politicians, political groups, or other churches and religious institutions.
Rule 8: Want everything…desire what you cannot have and obsess over it endlessly. Lust after people you cannot have and be envious of others that possess what you do not.
Rule 9: Always be honest and faithful…unless it’s going to get you into trouble, then utilize falsehoods, denial and shamelessly blame others.
Rule 10: All felines must be hairless…a shaven pussy is beautiful.
Rule 11: Ridicule, parody, satirize and misrepresent any and all theologies, religions and creeds…including the Holy Church of Ponginae. Utilize vicious and ruthless tactics whenever and wherever possible, and never apologize for doing so.
Rule 12: Consume anything and everything you wish…gluttony is good. Sugar, caffeine, meat, cephalopods, gastropods, insects, crustaceans, alcohol, hallucinogens and other mind-altering substances are sacred foods and are to be eaten regularly…or whenever desired.
Rule 13: Lethargy and indolence is encouraged whenever possible.
Rule 14: Rage and be wrathful against all those you believe to deserve spite and revenge.
Rule 15: Be arrogant and vain…narcissism and conceit is essential for unjustifiable self-worth…the universe revolves around you, and you alone.
Rule 16: Donation of money to the Holy Church of Ponginae is not necessary or required, but encouraged…any money donated will be used for whatever is needed or wanted, and there shall be no accounting of church money whatsoever.
Rule 17: Keep the kitchen and toilet as a holy place of worship, to perform acts of devotion, veneration, and religious study…for this is where all shit begins and ends.
Time spent defecating is considered penance for transgressions against Pongo the Gigantic.
Rule 18: Practitioners are required to evangelize the teachings of the Holy Church of Ponginae at every opportunity, by going to crowded public places and uttering obscenities at other religious evangelists or random individuals, do so as loudly and obnoxiously as possible, accompanied by inappropriate and offensive gestures.
Rule 19: All rules of the Church of Ponginae are strictly voluntary and completely unenforceable…especially when inconvenient, inappropriate or burdensome.
Failure to adhere to these rules will result in terrible punishment. Any who willfully break these rules will be force-fed hallucinogens, sent to the nearest economically depressed, violent crime riddled city or state, and flagellated with ridiculously named vegetation, by equally bizarrely titled, naked fictional entities coated in the condiment of choice. The punishment will continue for all of eternity…or until the condemned gets tired of it and is no longer amused…or falls asleep.
The canonic documents of the Holy Church of Ponginae…
The complete works of Douglas Adams
The complete works of Hunter S. Thompson
The complete works of John Steinbeck
The complete works of Ayn Rand
The complete works of William S. Burroughs
The complete works of Samuel L. Clemens (a.k.a. Mark Twain)
James Joyce -Finnegan’s Wake
David Rees -How to Sharpen Pencils
Luigi Serafini - Codex Seraphinianus
May Cushman Rice - Electricity in Gynecology
Gary Greenberg - The Pop-Up Book of Phobias
Alison Jenkins - The Lost Art of Towel Origami
Chad Orzel - How to Teach Physics to Your Dog
Carlton Mellick III - The Baby Jesus Butt Plug
Lawrence Wright - Clean and Decent: The Fascinating History of the Bathroom and Water-Closet
This is just a preliminary and incomplete list of the canonical documents of the Holy Church of Ponginae. More texts will be added on future dates and as they are discovered.
Oh come on people. of course it's a spoof site! I can't believe anybody could possibly think otherwise. Please engage brain!
So what happens when you wake up with a hard on?
If thine hand offend thee cut it off. If thine eye, pluck it out. Praise Lonnie Childs and just say NO to self-rape. Masturbation is Murder!
if your serious your a fucking wack job
im a wanker.....im a wanker...i wank, wank, wank, wank, wank aaaallll day loooong
I used to rape myself at every opportunity. 20 times a day or more. Then I found me the jesus. Now, i'm married and don't have to anymore. The rufies and duct tape got to me after a while.
''Masturbation is a gateway drug to rape. It also leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease.
- Lonnie Childs''
Just one question...who is Lonnie Childs?
Hi i am a young (20 years of age) masturbator. After reading your website i wish to change my evil ways and stop self-raping myself
Anyone with any practical help/support for me please call me on +447710148827
Please no spam, only kind words of help and support
'Mr. McKey is an expert on teenage masturbation addiction' - I guess it takes one to know one or probably a closet pedophile.. I will pray for you
u lot are fucked up nothing better thena good old wank
unless its sex before marriage then its better
how about we just get rid of religion, because its a gateway drug to crazy fucks who want to control people's lives for no real reason.
I just want you and your organisation to know how much I love masturbating to your home page, and then spreading my semen all over the Bible. That colour scheme and layout UGH! It gets to me as much as my masturbation crucifix gets into my anus.
Keep up the good work you legends of arousal!
Since i have started to masterbait i have i have released alot of stress my grades have greatly improved i am now a honor roll student, i feel much more in shape and my left arm is got some tone to it now. I am healthier then I have ever been before, more girls have premaridal sex with me now and I won the lottery I see no issues here this site is a lie! Masterbation is king!
You mean this isn't an eBaum, or eFuckt spin off. Can't be real.
I hope those of you who have abstained from masturbation know this.... If you refrain from masturbation and constantly fight urges (as a male), you double or even triple your chance of prostate cancer, testicular cancer, or erectile dysfunction. Your body produces sperm before you even ejaculate, so you have some backed up. Now imagine you stop masturbation all together... Your testicles are meant to do a job and that job is to produce semen. If you refrain from masturbation, that semen is going to sit there and fester in your testicles, so by the time you want to make a baby, you're going to have a difficult time AND the swelling of your testicles will cause a lot of pain and pain and swelling over a long period of time is what causes health problems like cancer or erectile dysfunction. So don't feel bad about masturbating!! Everyone does it! It makes you feel good and God wants to see you happy and feeling good! Why would he want to see you in agony?! Did you know that humans aren't the only animal that masturbates? Why would God make other animals that masturbate if he thought it was wrong? By the way, the people who made this site are just mad because they suffer from erectile dysfunction from years of abstaining from masturbation and they're taking it out on you poor souls... Don't follow wolves in sheeps clothing. These people are the devil in disguise...
I honestly can't figure out if this is serious or an elaborate joke. I hope and pray for the latter.
Priests rape little boys cuz they're not allowed to masturbate.
Masturbate for world peace!
Mynor es gay
Im praying for aosdijasd , stop hurting your hands with faps
tengo serios problemas cuando me jalo el pato suena como un chancho cuando le están volando el pellejo que puedo hacer.... like por la masturbación
Eso debe ser por que tu ganzo es vocalista de música gore, esto es normal tan solo intenta actos de sado que deben ser las cualidades del mismo
( ' )
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hombres pene mujeres vagina o chocha...
I thought STOPMASTURBATIONNOW.ORG was a legit website, but now I'm sure it's not.
"There is nothing more disgusting than the thought of a teenage girl touching herself."
Nobody actually believes that.
If any of you would bother to read the articles and headlines you would see this site is clearly a joke. Fred FARTINGton? Happy Mann? Please read this shit before you get all worked up, for it or against it! Jeezus.
Oh, and I missed this one. Jack Doff. Who is named Jack Doff? No one, except on sites like this, clearly aimed at people who don't read and get worked up over satire!
this HAS to be satire.
I don't know if I should be disgusted or should I pity you.
I mean on one hand I am disgusted by you people,on the other I suppose you suffer from some sort of handicap,there's no way normal persons can get this stupid.
This site IS a hoax. It's been listed as such in numerous places online. Do a little Googling and you'll see. So don't get all bent out of shape and have a little laugh at the humor. And remember to wash up afterwards, especially before shaking hands with someone.
Mhhhhhhh, I love to masturbate daily. I like it most on public places and on the school bus! Jihaaaaaa! Pray for me dumb Motherfuckers!
Come on, it's a gag, lighten up.
is this a joke site, please tell me it is !!!!
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