American Veterans Day

Don’t Celebrate “Veterans Day”, Instead Celebrate “AMERICAN Veterans Day!”


It’s that time of year again, when we thank those who have sacrificed so much so that the rest of us can dominate the world.  Unfortunately, many so-called “Americans” tend to celebrate the military veterans of their country of origin instead of the greatest military superpower of the world, The United States.

This largely goes unnoticed unless you know what to look for. Typically, the modern day Benedict Arnold will greet you and say “Happy Veterans Day.” A patriotic American will instead say “Happy American Veterans Day.” For those of you who hear “Happy Veterans Day,” you should know what that person is really saying.

Typically, you can determine which military the “Happy Veterans Day” person is actually celebrating by the spelling and pronunciation of their last name.  Below is a helpful guide to understanding what allegiance people really have on this day:

  • The French: People with too many “L”s in their last name, or have a two-word last name that starts with the word “De” are typically French. “De Clerk” and De Gaul” are examples of this. When one of these people wish you a Happy Veterans Day, they are actually celebrating the French surrender to the Nazis during WWII.
  • The English: These people are hard to spot, as most of them have adopted American last names. However, unless they greet you with “Happy American Veterans Day” they are probably celebrating their victory over Argentina in the Fauklin’s War. Either way, let them know that we don’t have room for their Limey views here.
  • Mexicans: Mexican last names typically end with the letter “Z.” Ramirez, Lopez and Hernandez are just a few Mexican names to look out for. Our hostile neighbor to the south has only two victories to their name. They defeated an invasion of the French, on May 5th (Cinco de Mayo) and they also defeated the Spanish, by making Mexico so unbearable for the civilized Spanish that they eventually left. Either way you look at it, neither is worthy of your praise.
  • The Spanish: Spanish names are similar to Mexican names and even sound the same. The only difference is that they end in an “S” instead of a “Z.” The only notable military victory in the history of Spain was the famous “El Cid” who went on a racist campaign to rid Spain of Black people. If a person of Spanish decent wishes you “Happy Veterans Day,” understand that they are celebrating one of the biggest racists of all time. They might as well put a burning cross in your yard.
  • The Irish: Names that have an “O” or “Fitz” at the beginning are usually Irish. O’Neil and Fitzpatrick, are examples of this. The only thing close to an Irish Veteran is an IRA terrorist and the only thing and Irishmen has overcome lately is a hangover.
  • Snow Mexicans (Canadians): Like the English, Snow Mexican names are similar to American names.  So how will you know if you are talking to a Snow Mexican?  Aside from showing obvious signs of masturbation addiction, they will usually come right out and tell you that they are “Canadian”.  Snow Mexicans have only fought in one war, The War of 1812, where they fought alongside the English.   And while real Americans like Andrew Jackson sent the English packing, it was the inferior Liberal Americans from Massachusetts that sent the Snow Mexicans packing.

Are you a person of questionable heritage? Do you want to let everyone know you are a real American? Join the rest of America and wish the next panhandler in a green jacket you see with a “Happy American Veterans Day.”

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Educated Person
Educated Person

This is the most uneducated article I’ve ever read. You have no understanding of military history, and you are a disgrace to your own country. God fucking help you, I hope Satan welcomes you to hell for being so ignorant and arrogant.


I really have lost faith in humanity. This is especially true when I see nothing but idiots on the internet leaving negative comments because they are so incredibly freaking stupid that they can’t even understand basic satire in a humorous article. Intelligence is truly dead isn’t it? For someone who claims to be educated, you are anything but. Any reasonably educated person would see right away what this article is. Do you also write hate mail to the onion? IQ of a doorknob. Educated my ass.

Liam McKey

There is nothing “uneducated” about this article. The facts are:
1. Veterans Day is for Americans
2. The French surrendered to the Germans
4. The British won the Faulklins War
5. Mexico was made unbearable for civilized people
6. Canada is for fags!

Bukko Boomeranger
Bukko Boomeranger

What a great idea! I think it should spread, too. The first battlefront should be when G*d-fearing, terrified-of-eternal-damnation-at-the-hands-of-a-vengeful-Diety people counterattack the filthy “Happy Holidays” sinners in the War to Liberate Christmas. It’s time to start demanding that everyone say “Merry AMERICAN Christmas!” Because it’s OUR holiday, god damn it!!!! And after we have destroyed the stinking secularists there, everyone can begin saying “Happy AMERICAN Birthday” and Valentine’s Day, etc. I’m not sure whether we can do that with Easter, but we should at least emphasise Happy CHRISTIAN Easter to differentiate it from the one celebrated by the Christ-killers, Mahometans and… Read more »


Fuck religion and fuck Americans who thinks that the world revolves around them.
Fucking rednecks, please dont get out of your cabins deep in the woods!

Lonnie Childs

You have masturbation rage! You are racist! You are a disgusting masturbator!

Tari Smith

You are so uneducated. The Irish, English, French and most of Europe put troops right along side the US troops for the last 15 years, they fought and died just like ours did. I hope Satan eats your children.

Steve B
Steve B

All this is making me hard. I need to go “rub one out” as they say.