About Cassidy Pen

Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen, a retired US Marine, Actor, and Security Head-Receiver at B.L.U.F.F. Female Intake, now writes for a number of nationally respected news agencies. A winner of the prestigious Bill O’Reily “No-Spin” Award, Cassidy also runs a daytime street ministry to save souls from the sin of self rape. An avid hunter and manufacturer of distilled spirits, Cassidy would probably be found deep in the woods during his free time.

Contact: Website

Self-Celibacy in History: Dunkirk

March 6, 2017 15

History books are most certainly slanted by the forces of Big Masturbation. In modern times, it’s a literal crime that our precious youth must be forced to incorporate horrible inaccuracies and filth interjected from the […]

Trump to Impose Masturbation Ban

February 5, 2017 12

President Trump confirms he is about to authorize a “ban” on masturbators migration, new restrictions on entry from countries with a history of masturbation. “It’s countries that have tremendous self-rape,” Trump told SMN News in […]

B.L.U.F.F. Male Masturbation Detection

November 21, 2016 14

SMN -My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way. As you are well aware, the fight against the sin of self rape is an ongoing process, one that is never finished. The holy bible, […]

Saints Cut Seed Spiller C.J. Spiller

September 14, 2016 1

NEW ORLEANS, LA — “No hard feelings” is how C.J. Spiller sums up his time with the New Orleans Saints. In an concerted effort to both improve their moral image and save money at the […]

A Young Girl’s Dilemma – Ask Cassidy

August 24, 2016 18

Dear, Cassidy. I’m a 14 year-old girl attending Hickory Woods Middle School in Clydesdale, IL. There’s a creepy boy named Marty Swanson who wears baggy pants, a collar shirt, and has dirty beady eyes. He’s […]

Youth Caught Self Raping

June 23, 2016 64

When Dana Pridemore of Evanston, IL climbed the stairs of her family’s two-story suburban home to  retire for the evening, all she had on her mind was her Harper’s Magazine and a few segments of […]

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