Cassidy Pen
About Cassidy Pen
Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen, a retired US Marine, Actor, and Security Head-Receiver at B.L.U.F.F. Female Intake, now writes for a number of nationally respected news agencies. A winner of the prestigious Bill O'Reily "No-Spin" Award, Cassidy also runs a daytime street ministry to save souls from the sin of self rape. An avid hunter and manufacturer of distilled spirits, Cassidy would probably be found deep in the woods during his free time.
Contact: Website

Self-Rape Alert: Deadpool

March 14, 2016 12

SMN Safford, AZ-The tireless duty of Christian Parents to prevent and punish the vile sin of masturbation has become much harder (pardon the pun) since the opening of the box office smash, Deadpool in local theaters.

A disturbing parental alert has been issued by the Faith Advisory Parental Media Information and Liturgical Foundation (FAPMILF), the anti-masturbation in media arm of Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.).

“Overt and disgusting” Self Rape Content has been uncovered earning the film a FAPMILF color […]

Australian Man Marries Hand in Secret Ceremony

January 20, 2016 3

One’s own hand may, sadly to some, become known as a lonely man’s only friend, but one Australian has taken his self love to an entirely new level by marrying his cherished appendage.

According to the Down Under Times, Joe Grosser wed his hand, which he named, “Honey,” under a withered tree in the Queensland town of Wombatia. The groom donned a formal suit while the “bride” wore a decorative glove with an attached flowing veil-like string.

Grosser’s friends and family attended […]

BLUFF Calls for a Boycott of the New Star Wars Movie

January 5, 2016 15

Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (BLUFF), along with the N.A.A.W.P., has announced a boycott and will schedule protests of the new Star Wars movie on the grounds that it discriminates against Self Celibate Normals.

In a press release issued by the B.L.U.F.F. Legal Action Foundation (BLUFF-LAF), Brother Lonnie Childs’ words were made public:

“We at BLUFF have announced a boycott of the new Star Wars Movie.

“Strange and peculiar skin toned individuals, who by definition self rape frequently and with tremendous vigour, are […]

BLUFF Turns Away Syrian Self-Rapists

November 17, 2015 17

SAFFORD-AZ Brother Lonnie’s University of FaithFacts (BLUFF) has vowed not to accept any refugees from Syria into their campus in response to the revelation that masturbators may have entered Europe as part of a wave of migrants from the war-torn region. The move complicates the Obama administration’s plan to accept 10,000 Syrians into the country over the next year.

“I will not stand complicit to a policy that places our campus in Arizona in the hands of self-rapists,” a spokesperson for […]

Have Architects Uncovered the Ancient Town of Saddam?

October 19, 2015 0

By: Cassidy Pen, SMN Sclience Reporter

Arabia, Middle East – Newly discovered artifacts from an architectural dig has uncovered what is most likely the ancient birth place of the late despotic Iraqi Ruler, Saddam.

The fiery fate of the doomed city of Saddam has captured the imaginations of archaeologists and world politics wonks for more than a decade. For many years, speculation as to the exact spot of Saddam was debated, but no doubt of the “horror” that “rained down burning sulfur” […]

SMN Self-Rape Alert: ‘Black Mass’

September 29, 2015 3

SMN Safford, AZ-A new waste of film depicting violence and masturbation mob activity has been released by Hollywood. “Black Mass,” starring Johnny Deep is the latest screed garnering a code red rating for excessive self-rape imagery and immoral content by the Faith Advisory Parental Media Information and Liturgical Foundation (FAPMILF), the self-celibacy-in-media arm of Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.).

Confounding the moralists at BLUFF, Hollywood continues to pump out masturbation epics that spill down upon our society in the […]

KLHB: A Reading From the Good Book of Issaiac.

September 21, 2015 1

It is Lonnie, who sittith with Jesus at the right hand of Almighty God, that holds the key of Heaven’s Gate.

Admonish ye, all doers of evil, those that shalt spew and saturate the ground with their vile seed.

For theirs is the error through earthly pleasure through wines and drink and drugs, which turn them away from the Word of God.

And they touch their sex for pleasure, those that shalt dwell in the eternal inferno.

All tables of self rapists are full […]

Research Shows These Seven Hobbies Will Prevent Self-Rape

August 31, 2015 17

For a long time, it was believed that God gave people a given level of abstinence and there was nothing anyone could to to prevent the sinful lust impulses that lead to masturbation.

Scientists at Brother Lonnie University or Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.) through a grant awarded by the Foundation for a Better Tomorrow have now proven that we can actually increase our abstinence potential and enjoy ourselves without handling our filthy sex organs in the process.

Here is a list of seven […]

B.L.U.F.F. Safford Campus Announces Big Game Safari to Zimbabwe

July 31, 2015 4

Safford, Arizona – Brother Lonnie’s University of FaithFacts (B.L.U.F.F.) has announced a special safari and big game hunting excursion to the African Nation of Zimbabwe. Special Services Recreational Director and long-time B.L.U.F.F. elder Thomas Downey announced the trip during a closed question-and-answer session between the B.L.U.F.F. Eldership and SMN Pledges in high standing at the Safford, AZ Campus.

A contingent of B.L.U.F.F. Superior Gendered Normals will depart on a chartered flight from Phoenix International Airport on Monday, September 7 and arrive […]

Masturbation Warning: Dear Abby

July 29, 2015 19

Jeanne Phillips, who writes the “Dear Abby” column, has come out as a self-rapist and proponent of the Satanic lifestyle as pushed on society by agents of Big Masturbation.

In her latest column, Ms. Phillips comforted a despondent, guilt riddled masturbator, Her advice included the statement, “…masturbation is normal. It is not depraved, a crime, or harmful to your health.” Just look at the filthy advice she gives this poor lost soul in the illustration below. (I won’t even go into […]

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