Cassidy Pen
About Cassidy Pen
Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen, a retired US Marine, Actor, and Security Head-Receiver at B.L.U.F.F. Female Intake, now writes for a number of nationally respected news agencies. A winner of the prestigious Bill O'Reily "No-Spin" Award, Cassidy also runs a daytime street ministry to save souls from the sin of self rape. An avid hunter and manufacturer of distilled spirits, Cassidy would probably be found deep in the woods during his free time.
Contact: Website

Case Study: The Influence of Big Masturbation on American Society

July 6, 2014 2

The Big Masturbation Conspiracy: Preliminary Findings

In keeping with the Mission of the Patriot Act, the Department of Homeland Security has organized a joint study and collaborative relationship among elements of the FBI, CIA, and the Stop Masturbation Now Ministry. The purpose of the study is to determine the extent of Big Masturbation’s influence in the lives of Americans through the media, government, which includes law enforcement and the judicial process, the advertising community, and education.

This study is ongoing, but certain […]

Atmospheric Masturbatory Residue at Unsafe Levels

July 3, 2014 47

B.L.U.F.F. AZ – The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow, along with NASA, has determined that self rape residues in the atmosphere are at unsafe levels in many areas of the United States.

The FFBT and NASA, as part of a joint taxpayer funded coalition, has been measuring the levels of masturbation particulates, semen droplets, and pubic dust in the atmosphere for the past ten years using orbiting satellite technology and data collection standards. Historical records have shown that self rape residue […]


June 24, 2014 14

Big Masturbation has reportedly invented a device the runs on self-rape.

The hussy pictured above is an agent of Big Masturbation. Her face is blacked out to protect the precious youth of B.L.U.F.F.

She was spotted just outside the main gates of B.L.U.F.F. near the moat. She is a sinner, sent to flaunt her own sexual deviance and coerce the students of B.L.U.F.F. to self gratify.

Under no circumstance should this woman be allowed on the compound campus.

If you see this […]

…My Glimmer of Hope

June 23, 2014 1

By Cassidy Pen

My dear friends in Lonnie and Christ, many of you remember my SRAS, Angela Pen.

My days have been filled with the empty pain of loneliness since my beloved sras went missing. My spirit, cursed with hearing rumors of her capture at the hands of self raping non-normals, sinks further into an emotional pitfall.

All of my endeavors, once done with the vigor of salvation that Lonnie’s grace rewards, are now stale and grey to me.

My ministry, once a staple […]

B.L.U.F.F. Bans Female Use of Wheeled Mouse Devices

June 17, 2014 7

By Brother Cassidy Pen

<B.L.U.F.F. AZ> The Eldership of Brother Lonald’s University of Faith Facts announced a ban on female use of wheeled mouse input devices. This ban includes all makes and models having a scroll wheel, especially those with “click” wheel capabilities, as I will explain.

A recent study, funded in by B.L.U.F.F. sponsors and the Foundation for a Better Tomorrow, concludes women are being led into masturbatory temptation by the use of wheeled mouse devices. The female brain sends motor […]

GWAR Frontman Dave Brockie Self Raped Himself to Death, a Virginia Medical Official Confirms.

June 7, 2014 2

The Virginia medical examiner’s office says Dave Brockie, the frontman for the heavy metal band GWAR, died of excessive chronic masturbation.

Brockie — who went by the stage name Oderus Urungus — was found dead in his Richmond home on March 23. He was 50.

Noah Williamson, administrator at the chief medical examiner’s office, said Tuesday that Brockie’s cause of death was fatal self rape syndrome.

The Grammy-nominated band GWAR was founded in 1984 and is known for its comically grotesque costumes, stage […]

Super Mario 3d World Linked to Juvenile Delinquency

May 25, 2014 2

Christian families are seemingly double-pressed in modern times when attempting to raise their children with proper respect and adherence to the morals which would enhance their lives and lead them to a productive adulthood. Tomorrow’s leaders need a proper upbringing to avoid the pitfalls laid down by the devil which would circumvent all parental efforts to rear their young.

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