About Dr. Cornelius Felcher
Dr. Cornelius Felcher, J.O. is the chief medical correspondent for Stop Masturbation NOW Ministries. Dr. Felcher specializes in Preventative Masturbatory Medicine. His motto is, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of sperm." He has been called the Mehmet Oz of masturbation, the Sanjay Gupta of self-rape, the Drew Pinsky of diddling, the Joseph Mercola of jacking off. Dr. Felcher earned his online degree in Biblical Biology from Brother Lonnie's University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.), a WASP-accredited reactionary arts college in Safford, Arizona. He is a fully licensed and certified GP (Godly Practitioner) with additional training in TCM (Traditional Christian Medicine), homogayopathy, supernaturopathic medicine, sackupuncture, and various other forms of Sinless Christian Alternative Medicine (SCAM).

83 Signs Your Underage Daughter is a Harlot

January 5, 2016 12

[Special thanks to Larry Thomas for his contribution to this sacred undertaking] Ever wondered if your daughter was a harlot? Now you can know! According to recently updated BDSM-5 (Biblical Diagnostics of Sinogenic Maladies) guidelines, if a […]

Saint-Shaming is NOT Okay

October 28, 2015 6

Once upon a time, our white-male-cis-hetero Forefathers were instructed by God to construct a vessel of righteousness and flee the wicked and perverse generation of the Church of England. Anglicans had legalized marijuana and masturbation, […]

A Hand Up, Not a Hand Job

July 13, 2015 21

  Ever since the Oriental race was first domesticated by man, the female of the species has proven herself an excellent companion to her male better, attending to his needs for a negligible fee and […]

Lonnie is Homo With the Father

October 21, 2014 15

WARNING: TL;DR The Father is homo with the Son. The Son is homo with the Bird. The Bird is the Word. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the […]

9/11 Was an Inside Handjob

September 11, 2014 17

  Today, we mark the 13th anniversary of the September 11, 2001 attacks which brought this nation to its knees (homogays were already there, of course). Like the Kennedy Assassination, we all remember where we […]

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