About BigLarry
BigLarry works at LonnieDale Farms, a wholesome and christian establishment that provides nutritious cat milk to all of our followers. Big and Bold, Larry doesn't mess around when it comes to Jesus, and he doesn't let anyone mess with Lonnie. Praise.

Youth Pastor Announces that Masturbation is Healthy and Does Not Make You Gay, Church Burns to Ground

June 9, 2017 13

Cason, TX is a small community, barely on the map and tucked deep inside NE Texas among pine trees and red clay earth. Proud people live there – good people of God, quick to lend a hand when help is needed and slow to change as the world passes them by.

On May 29th, all of that changed. What happened that day to cause such a horrific act of nature? Was it a sign from God, as many residents now whisper […]

Lonnie Childs Cleared as Suspect in Brutal Murder

June 9, 2017 4

SAFFORD, Ariz. – The FBI is now involved in the case of a murdered Lonvidian woman, found dead in her home early Tuesday morning. Safford police confirmed they are no longer considering Lonnie Childs to be a suspect in the case, and detectives have moved on to other suspects.

“There’s no such thing as typical,” said Sergeant Tim Wachinski with Safford police. “Every case is different depending on the nature of the case and circumstances surrounding it. In the beginning, given […]

Ohio Housewife Admits to Being Just as Stupid as We Told Her She Was

February 2, 2017 9

Sarah Jenkins is a frequent visitor to our Facebook page, and often makes offensive comments about Lonvidians in multiple posts throughout the day. Many of our members have tried to explain to her how she is ruining her life and family by masturbating – even damning her soul to hell – but up until this Monday, our warnings have fallen on deaf ears.

“It was as if a light went off in my head – I felt the power of Jesus, […]

One Woman’s Trash, Area Man’s Treasure

January 25, 2017 5

Joe Harris, like many other residents of Safford, has been struggling for years to keep his business afloat during the Obama administration. What he needed, he always felt, was a mascot for his restaurant to set him apart from all the others. He never thought, however, that dream would become a reality thanks to the careless actions of feminist lesbians.

Walking through the streets of Safford after the protest this weekend, Joe saw something strange among the discarded signs and tampons […]

10K Run and Mud Wrestling for Teens Pushes for Awareness of Self-Rape

January 4, 2015 8

New Year’s resolutions can run a little hot and cold — and it turns out so can New Year’s runners.

The Resolution Run in Safford, AZ has opportunities for participants to experience both the freezing cold and the sweat-building heat of a 1-kilometer, 5-kilometer or 10-kilometer race.

And then there are the mud wrestling matches.

Wait. Mud wrestling?

“We’re kind of off the beaten path in Safford here, and we wanted to find some ways to bring more people out,” said Jacob Franklin, the […]

Deaths Lead to Job Openings for Lucky Ladies at B.L.U.F.F.

January 3, 2015 2

As many of you know, we have recently lost Sister Keegan to an unfortunate accident involving a hay bailer and a feral hog. We all loved AnnMarie dearly, and her presence will be greatly missed in the daily activities on the Campound. AnnMarie was scheduled to be assigned to a fitting husband soon – so look to your daughters for volunteers to take her place.
In addition, Sister O-Reilly has also gone missing – we are assuming that she has been […]

Alleged Texts Point Toward Pope Francis Orchestrating Recent Black Mass

September 26, 2014 3

Oklahoma City, OK – Good news sometimes comes from unfortunate circumstances, and we all know that God works in mysterious ways. Dakhma of Angra Mainyu Syndicate, a small denomination of self-raping satan worshippers, recently performed a Black Mass in Oklahoma City – and thousands of Catholics and REAL Christians showed up to protest the event.

However, recent findings suggest that the Catholic Church was behind the entire event – and that it was a coordinated effort intended to distract from […]

Bitter and Angry Obama Flings Coffee in Marine’s Face

September 25, 2014 9

When President Obama disembarked his helicopter in New York on Tuesday, he created a firestorm by doing what he has done thousands of times before: Salute the Marine standing on the tarmac.

Only this time, he had a cup in his hands, and he somewhat awkwardly delivered the salute while keeping hold of the paper cup. When the Marine looked at questioningly, the president apparently threw the cup of steaming hot coffee in his face, while

A picture of the victim, immediately […]

Hollywood Blockbuster offers a Warning to Masturbators

September 24, 2014 10

Footage from the scrapped scene

Hollywood, CA – Leaked footage cut from the finished Left Behind, this year’s anticipated blockbuster Christian film from director Vic Armstrong and starring Nicolas Cage, apparently shows Cage masturbating for a full 12 minutes prior to the return of Jesus.

The books, written by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins, did not include such a scene, although the script writers of the film felt it was necessary in providing a way for the audience to know why […]

BLUFF Librarian Publishes Book, Library Burns To The Ground

August 30, 2014 11

Stafford, AZ – The Lonnie Childs Private Library, operated and managed by Alicia Stephenhopper, has burned to the ground under suspicious circumstances. The state of the art facility, offering the latest dial-up internet access and dozens of books and publications to the members of the BLUFF compound, will be closed indefinitely pending a decision by the Normal Council of Men to rebuild the facility.

“I honestly don’t know who would do this. I’m just heartbroken about the whole thing. […]

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