Lonnie Childs
About Lonnie Childs
Hello, my name is Lonald "Lonnie" Childs and I am the founder and president of the STOP Masturbation NOW anti-masturbation movement. Please visit my Facebook page here, https://www.facebook.com/originalsmn and my unaccredited institution of higher learning here, https://www.facebook.com/brotherlonnie
Contact: Website

Donald Trump Fulfills First Prophecy, Disposes of Mexican Dictator Fidel Castro

November 26, 2016 12

Havana, Mexico — Praise!  In the first of what is sure to be thousands of prophecies fulfilled, Dear Leader Donald Trump has administered swift and fatal justice to Mexican tyrant, Fidel Castro, who was killed today by special forces on the orders of the President-elect, ending decades of masturbation-related terrorism worldwide.


– Lonnie

Marijuana, Ellis Dee and Masturbation: “Free Love” 1960s San Francisco Was Ground Zero For Sin

April 9, 2016 3

San Francisco, CA – STOP Masturbation NOW faith scientists, in conjunction with your tax dollars, have spent the last three years attempting to pinpoint exactly when and where masturbation was first invented.  We are happy to report that the $645,000 federally-funded project has conclusively determined that masturbation was invented in San Francisco, California, sometime between 1964 and 1969.

The Greatful Dead, a collective of San Francisco’s most useless people

As we all know, God considers self-rape to be the ultimate sin.  One […]

Jesus And The First Anti-Masturbation Cross®

March 25, 2016 32

This Easter as you enjoy quality time with your same-race family, it is important that you remember the reason for the season.  Reflect upon the sacrifice that Jesus made for us all by allowing Himself to die a painful, humiliating death nailed to the first Anti-Masturbation Cross® in order to forgive mankind of our sins.

Jesus was the only perfect human being to ever walk the Earth.  As such, He never engaged in the sin of self-rape.  I challenge any of the […]


February 17, 2016 11

“Michael J.” was once a ferocious self-rapist as evidenced in his “before” photo.  Note the vacant eyes, the grotesquely bulbous nose, the self-righteous smirk and the anti-establishment afro hairstyle.  Michael was just another hell-bound masturbator, destined to spend eternity as Satan’s personal sock puppet.  Look at him NOW!  After meeting Lonnie Childs and taking the STOP Masturbation NOW pledge of self-celibacy, Michael’s soul is as clean and pure as his skin!  It’s a non-masturbation miracle!  Praise!  Where before Michael was […]

Edward Scissorhands: The Best Anti-Masturbation Documentary Ever Filmed

October 21, 2015 10

I recently had the pleasure of watching the anti-masturbation documentary film Edward Scissorhands  on the HBO.  It must drive liberal Hollywood crazy that a moral film such as this has become such a massive hit!  The creators of this uplifting, moral movie deserve to be recognized.  Sleazy Hollywood would never bestow any kind of award or additional attention on a film such as this on their own, so we must take to the streets!  Please contact the Academy of Motion Movies and […]

The SMN Ethnic Outreach Program Reaches Mexicans With La Anti-Masturbación Cross®

October 19, 2015 9

Los padres, has lo que nunca imaginó que su hijo masturbándose? ¿Le preocupa lo que hacen cuando vuelves la espalda? ¿Tienes miedo de que van a caer en las garras de Satanás?No te preocupes más! Presentación de la Anti-Masturbación Cross®! Diseñado por PARADA Masturbación EMPRESA ingenieros, este dispositivo de restricción maravillosa le permite seguir con su día sin la persistente sospecha de que su descendencia están tratando a sus cuerpos como una especie de pervertido parque de diversiones.Ahora con descuento […]

The Faces of Masturbation: “Reginald D.”

October 16, 2015 7

The heartbreaking story of “Reginald D.” is a classic case of an individual who self-raped so often and so vigorously that he eventually became bored with his own sin-scepter and chose to become a hardcore homosexual in order to experience the thrill of new ones.  He is now known throughout the homosexual community by his codename, “Rocket Man”, for reasons which I will not detail here (this is a family-friendly netsite).

Someone needs to save his life tonight, and that “Someone” […]

Should Sexy Education be Taught in Schools?

October 11, 2015 4

Loyal follower and staunch non-masturbator, Paul Stanley, asks:

“Lonnie, should sex education be taught in public schools?”

Thank you for the question, Paul. Obviously the answer is “no”. For the past few decades, publicly schooled American children have fallen far behind their dastardly Oriental counterparts in scholarly subjects such as science, math and U.S. History. Do we really need to pollute their minds with masturbation lessons? America has been inching closer and closer to the embrace of Satan ever since secular politicians […]


September 22, 2015 13

Masturbators for the most part look just like you or I but upon closer inspection subtle differences become apparent. Witness this lost soul, who we will call “Thomas Y.”, who has recently been diagnosed with stage-2 masturbation astigmatism. Please print out this picture and carry it with you at all times. If you encounter anyone who displays these symptoms DO NOT SHAKE THEIR HAND. If you must, offer a polite, sin-free fist bump and quickly excuse yourself and alert your […]

Burn “The Man” Now…Burn IN HELL Later!

September 14, 2015 22

Friends, I want to warn you about a nefarious group of liberal anarchists who make annual pilgrimages to the Black Rock desert in Mexico to partake in the so-called “Burning Man” festival.

The Burning Man Project started in the early 1980’s after a group of San Franciscan hippers high on the dangerous street drug “ellis dee” decided to rebel against Godly morals by traveling to and masturbating in all 50 United States.  Typical of stupid and lazy drugged-out atheists, they failed to […]

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