B.L.U.F.F. Male Masturbation Detection

Guidelines in Detecting Masturbation in Males

SMN -My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way. As you are well aware, the fight against the sin of self rape is an ongoing process, one that is never finished. The holy bible, being the most important reference on the topic of morality, contains certain instructions and responsibilities that Christian parents are expected to abide by. The first and foremost of these responsibilities is to protect your precious children from sin.

The masculine parent is under just such an obligation, to protect his children from masturbation sin.

It is very important that self rape be nipped in the bud as quickly as possible. One such method to detect masturbatory sin in your male offspring is a nightly inspection and finger sniff.

Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F), in association with the Foundation for a Better Tomorrow (FFBT), has researched and developed these helpful guidelines to perform safe and effective male masturbation detection measures. Brother August Weisz took the lead in finalizing this study. It takes only a few seconds a night to detect male masturbation.

B.L.U.F.F. / FFBT Male Self Rape Detection

  • Males masturbate with their hands to grasp their organ. Then, while using an up-and-down motion, he stimulates the endorphins and sensitive tissues of the shaft and mushroom to promote an increasingly turgid state. Before long (pardon the pun), increasing arousal causes the expulsion of their seminal seed. Be on the lookout for localized semen stains on your son’s bed-sheets or pajama bottoms. Also check the window sills and bed posts as carelessly ejaculated seed may be projected onto bedroom furniture.
  • Do not allow your male offspring to bring vagina simulation toys or devices to bed. A sock or fur-lined tube may be used to simulate the process of procreation. Check these items for signs of friction wear or seminal stains. Suspect the worst if paint or labels appear to be worn or if the boy’s wastebasket is abnormally filled with klennex wads.
  • A Christian child should never go to bed naked. The temptation of self gratification sodomy is too great for the prepubescent child’s mind, especially when exposed to the many occasions for sin presented by modern life. Always inspect your children before bed to verify they are wearing proper sleepwear.
  • While the boy is sleeping, his fingers may be sniffed for signs of masturbation. Males will normally masturbate with the hand they write with, but reports and behavioral science has concluded that young boys will switch hands for variety or to hide evidence of sin. Some boys have discovered that laying on top of their hand until it falls asleep simulates another person’s hand being used to do the devil’s yank. A boy left to self rape in this manner may end up needing his hand amputated or find himself seeking out back alleys to participate in mutual masturbation circles.
  • In an proactive effort to prevent male masturbation, always be aware your supply of various household items may be used for lubrication, such as Vaseline, cooking oils, non-vinegar based dressings, and goop. Perverted boys like to use lubrication in conjunction with other toys or their own hands to simulate the wet juicy cavern of a healthy vagina when they pump their sin swords. If you find such items missing from your tool shed or pantry, be on the alert for male self rape occurring beneath your roof.
  • If you suspect your son is self raping, it is wise to sniff the fingers of both his hands. Fingers of recent snake stroking will have an musty almond scent similar to a cracked egg.
  • Use caution. Male masturbation juices can irritate your nasal passage and may cause nausea or allergic reactions. Use the 12-6-3 method when sniffing his fingers. The first sniff should be with your nose 12 inches away, then move closer to 6 inches, and then 3.
  • A positive self-rape detection occurs when you smell masturbation juices at any time during these steps. Also, physical evidence of self rape includes the crusty stains of spilled seed. Look for stains of this sort. They will appear as either a spider webbed strand or, if the child is a non-normal, trickled out with little force like a leaky drain into a greasy circular patch,
  • Self-rape Discovery (SRD) can cause emotional distress. Exercise restraint upon a positive SRD. Retreat to your favorite easy chair or place of quiet contemplation and pour yourself a stiff drink to calm yourself down. Think through your next steps with a positive outlook. Rash action could make an already serious problem worse.
  • In the event of SRD, please take the appropriate steps as outlined in the B.L.U.F.F. Reference Manual under the chapter entitled, “My Offspring Masturbates-What Do I Do Next?” It is imperative that your child receive the proper counseling and reprogramming B.L.U.F.F. provides through Brother Lonnie’s mandate. B.L.U.F.F. also provides counseling for parents and siblings of youth self rapists.

As stated earlier, these simple steps take only seconds to accomplish, but they should be taken each night to ease the mind in the knowledge that your son’s soul is pure. Remember that your God-given responsibilities are for the greater good. One self rapist is a rightful cause of tremendous shame affecting each member of the entire family unit. Little Betsy will certainly feel ashamed when she hears the snickers and whispers about sins committed by Little Brother Jimmy and vice versa just the same.
Myself and all members of B.L.U.F.F. and the SMN Ministry pray that your son is self-rape free.

About Cassidy Pen 80 Articles
Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen, a retired US Marine, Actor, and Security Head-Receiver at B.L.U.F.F. Female Intake, now writes for a number of nationally respected news agencies. A winner of the prestigious Bill O'Reily "No-Spin" Award, Cassidy also runs a daytime street ministry to save souls from the sin of self rape. An avid hunter and manufacturer of distilled spirits, Cassidy would probably be found deep in the woods during his free time.
Contact: Website

14 Comments on B.L.U.F.F. Male Masturbation Detection

  1. It’s like you wake up in the middle of the night and your child is sleeping instead of doing stupid shit like kids do on a school night like watch TV or text.
    You don’t know if they Masturbated themselves until they passed out or what.
    I’m a single parent with two boys and a daughter and somehow they are able hide evidence of Masturbation from their private garments. I don’t have anyone that I would call real friends and I don’t associate with my neighbors so my children receive 100% of my attention 24/7 so I largely depend on articles like this and my own imagination to raise my children.
    Thank you SMN ministries and and B.L.U.F.F. University for the help that I so desperately need.

  2. Cassidy, once again your article surpasses anything I’ve ever read on the subject. And Mr. Franklin’s comment is very inspiring, during a time when single fathers are under attack from worthless childless lesbian feminists. My wife and I are blessed with our two little girls and we both use the finger sniff technique to protect our girls from the evils and sin of this world.

  3. Nigel and Jacob, you are both true crusaders of the cause to eliminate flesh sin. It is to my dismay that I release the information about the psychotic liberals and pro masturbation lobby that at this very moment are infiltrating the government and vigorously debating with susceptible democrat congressmen to slip through a pro self rape agenda.

  4. all of you people are bat shit crazy, masturbation is a healthy way for people to understand their bodies and feel better without the risk of pregnancy. if you are actively preventing your kids form exploring in a safe way then you are just causing long term damage and insecurities.

  5. Sister Mila , I’m sorry but I have to disagree with your statement. First off, please do not disrespect my brothers and sisters, and second, if we let our children masturbate, they will cause themselves long term damage, especially spirituality, because their souls would be stained with the sin of the flesh.

    • No, they won’t. Also people are going to mock you, because your crazy. Thats not going to change.

  6. “While the boy is sleeping, his fingers may be sniffed for signs of masturbation…” Your an unbelievably creepy guy aren’t you, Cassidy? A person like you should, ever, be allowed to be alone with children.

  7. Please tell me this isn’t a serious thing. If it’s true, I’m not surprised y’all are so angry and bitter when you aren’t petting your flower often enough. This is probably the funniest thing I’ve read in a while. Anyways, thanks for the laughs!

  8. That’s not even close to normal, You overly religious people are going bat shit crazy about everything, that the bible says, it’s just a book that was written in times, when people thought that earth is flat. That’s not only disrespectful to every living religious person that’s alive. It’s scientifically proven that masturbation is healthy (especially for male). This is also good way to know your body better, don’t have too much complexes. I can’t imagine children raised by degenerates like you. The only argument you have is “It’s a sin, it’s stated in bible that masturbation is a sin”. Self rape? Rape is forcing someone to having intercourse with said person, you can’t rape yourself, it’s illogical term on so many levels, that it’s not even worth to explain to you, why you CAN’T rape yourself. Brainwashed organisations like you should be banned worldwide. If you have any arguments other than sinning, give me them.

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