Big Masturbation

Is the “Halo” gaming franchise promoting Self-Rape?

A screenshot from the "Halo" gaming franchise.  This one comes from "Mass Effect 2".

A screenshot from the “Halo” gaming franchise. This one comes from “Mass Effect 2”.

Here is what the Liberal lies claim about this “game” on Wikipedia(a known Communist site):
“In the distant past, a powerful race called the Forerunners fought an alien parasite known as the Flood. The Flood, which spread through infestation of sentient life, overran much of the Milky Way Galaxy. One of the races affected was humanity, who came into conflict with the Forerunners. Exhausted by their war and after having explored all other options, the Forerunners conceived a weapon of last resort to combat the Flood, called the Halo Array. Using an installation known as the Ark, they built large ring-shaped megastructures known as Halos. The Halo Array, when activated, would destroy all sentient life in the galaxy – depriving the Flood of their food, after which samples of the lost lifeforms would be reseeded. Delaying as long as they could, the Forerunners activated the rings and disappeared.[13] Tens of thousands of years later, in the 26th century, humanity – under the auspices of the United Nations Space Command, or UNSC – colonize many worlds thanks to the development of faster-than-light “slipspace” travel. Tensions escalate between the older and more stable “Inner Colonies” and the remote “Outer Colonies”, leading to civil war. The UNSC creates an elite group of enhanced supersoldiers, known as Spartans, to suppress the rebellion covertly.[14] In the year 2525, human worlds come under attack by a theocratic alliance of alien races known as the Covenant. The Covenant leadership declares humanity heretics and an affront to their gods – the Forerunners – and begins a holy war of genocide. The Covenant’s superior technology and numbers prove decisive advantages; though effective, the Spartans are too few in number to turn the tide of battle in humanity’s favor.”

What can we learn from this game? That is always the question. I do NOT hate most video player games, but a few are awful, like “The Last of Us” and a few others. Halo is obviously holy work, like Assassin’s Creed, and here is why.

Master Chief fight against Master Bater.

Master Chief fight against Master Bater.

We have realized that video gaming kids seem to like violence, and this video game play will help them fulfill their violent fantasy, but at the same time, we may be creating a terrorist by allowing access to these games. Self-rape is the #1 cause of terrorism now. We need to ban “First Person Shooter” games immediately, because they are more destructive than “First Person Blowjob” videos, which were made to kill marriages. When you let a child play a “First Person Shooter” game, you teach them to use their own hands to kill (much like masturbation kills millions of babies). We need to stop our kids from killing babies.

Big Masturbation makes filthy video games.

Big Masturbation makes filthy video games.

After playing these “games” for a day, I realized that they were just trying to promote Self-Rape to their target audience (which is between 5 ad 12 years old). Master Chef was meant to be tough, but able to cook any type of Mac and Cheese, which heals the player too. There is so much pro-masturbation content, and content that makes pre-teen kids want to play it on X-Box Live, and call everyone a “Faggot” and claim “they have made sex at people’s mothers”, that it is obvious to any normal human, these “games” are tools of Big Masturbation, and we need to boycott them.

Halo games have even ruined Avatar moving picture films too.  So sad.

Halo games have even ruined Avatar moving picture films too. So sad.

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Ken Day
5 years ago

My review of “Halo”? What Bruce Danus said in this article. There you go, ‘A Smart Guy’.

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
5 years ago
Reply to  Ken Day

Ok thanks, this is kind of funny. You got the plot right, but you did make some mistakes: 1. Masturbation isn’t the first cause of terrorism. Anger and religion are the top ones. Masturbation isn’t even in the list. 2. First Person Shooters doesn’t promote masturbation 3. These games are owned by gaming companies, not Big Masturbation, Halo was owned by Bungie, and has been passed on to 343 Industries. 4. Masturbation does not kill 5. It’s Master Cheif Petty Officer John 117, not Master Chef, but Master Chief is acceptable. 6. Master Cheif is a boy. 7. Target audience… Read more »

Ken Day
5 years ago
Reply to  A Smart Guy

You’ll have to ask Bruce Danus these questions – aka: the author of this article. My comment which you have replied to was a smarmy response to your irrelevant comment on my Miley Cyrus article. Thankfully we had someone here on staff, Bruce Danus, who had previous knowledge of at least one of the games you were asking to be reviewed. Unfortunately those games are out of my “wheelhouse” since I focus on classic and retro games and am admittedly not as familiar with the newer titles. I’m sure the next time Bruce Danus has twelve minutes of his life… Read more »

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
5 years ago
Reply to  Ken Day

I love retro games! Review one of those too! And Mass Effect!

Julian Taylor
5 years ago
Reply to  A Smart Guy

Jesus only needed ten commandments. A smart guy would have stopped talking by now.

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
5 years ago
Reply to  Julian Taylor

But there were more then 10 problems with…

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
5 years ago
Reply to  A Smart Guy

It, fix your damn mobile support!

Julian Taylor
5 years ago
Reply to  A Smart Guy

A smart guy would know how to comment on an internet page. Nobody else seems to have problems with using our holy site.

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
5 years ago
Reply to  A Smart Guy

Because no one else has 2 kids who soil orange juice on your computer!

Jack of Blades
Jack of Blades
5 years ago
Reply to  A Smart Guy

You I like you, and if you actually work at NASA tell them to hurry up and make light speed so we can visit other planets.

augustweisz
Admin
5 years ago

After reading this I am going to write the FAA and demand this game be banned immediately.

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
5 years ago
Reply to  augustweisz

Why?

Dong Flogger
Dong Flogger
5 years ago

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Nice one.

satan
5 years ago

lmao i actually thought this was a joke. blaming halo for kids jerking off hahaha. get fucking real. hot bitches with huge tits and fine ass makes dudes jerk it not fucking halo hahahah! fucking bible thumpers

nigelcovington
nigelcovington
5 years ago

I have a question. WTF is A Smart Guy who has to ask WHY?

Julian Taylor
5 years ago
Reply to  nigelcovington

An idiot.

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
5 years ago
Reply to  Julian Taylor

No, someone with critical thinking skills that can understand this is a game for adults and not children and shouldn’t be banned.

Mark
Mark
5 years ago

I hope you realize that educated people are not taking this website seriously. I sincerely hope that this website is a satire of over controlling, prejudiced Christians today.

Tuyp
Tuyp
5 years ago

Some Nice pics. Trying not. to. Oh there’s the boner, and the hand. Damn, to late.

PLEASE READ THIS LONNIE!
PLEASE READ THIS LONNIE!
5 years ago

Hello, can someone help me? I want to join BLUFF, how do I do that. I am a dominant gendered normal with non-tribal skin color. I wish to join to get help for my recent sin of a threesome with two lesser gendered homogays.

Jack of Blades
Jack of Blades
5 years ago

How dare you make fun of my favorite franchises, I will see to it that you are destroyed.

Satanthedevil
Satanthedevil
5 years ago

Cant we all just get along. I mean we are all humans and all god asks of us is love. I dont know what halo is but my grandson loves playing minecraft.

Master Chief
Master Chief
5 years ago

Uh…this article is bullshit. It’s “Master Chief”, not “Master Chef”.

One Punch Man
One Punch Man
4 years ago

Okay, the first photo is from Final Fantasy or somethiing, The second is from an anime or maybe even fanart or something, the third is some girl cosplaying, but hey you actually got the last two right, from Halo. Except that you said Mass Effect was part of the halo series, when it is its own fucking series of games, with no relation with halo. Im sorry about the language here, but when some self pretentious asshole come out and is doesnt eve know what the hell theyre talking about, it really pisses me off. by the way. OOOOONE PUUUUUUUUUUUNNCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!