“Scientific Study” Requires Men to Masturbate to Pornography

A “friend” shared a completely disgusting article the other day that claimed a “scientific study” recently found that men ejaculate larger amounts of sperm when they’re with, what they called, “novel” women. I was initially suspicious of this posting, so I read further and realized that this was not a study conducted by faith scientists to help pure, normal men procreate with multiple women.

No, of course not.

This “scientific study” came to its conclusions by way of requiring the men involved to masturbate to pornography. Not only just garden variety masturbation, but multiple incidents of masturbation focused on a specific pornographic “actress”. The “scientists” then measured the amount of sin seed the men produced doing the Devil’s Deed. After obtaining those figures, the “scientists” then exposed the masturbators to a brand new pornographic “actress”. The self-raping men, by in large, produced a “larger volume of semen”, the seed involved was “more motile”, and the masturbators achieved their shameful climax “more quickly”.

The sad thing, is that these “scientists” thought they were coming to a novel conclusion with their “study”. Their findings “suggest that human males ejaculate more quickly and invest more in ejaculates with novel females”.  I hate to break it to these people but, it has been common knowledge within the faith science community for some time that men who procreate with their newly assigned spouses contribute more impressive amounts of faith seed and tend to immediately impregnate the spouse; as is Brother Lonnie’s plan. These “scientists” could learn a thing or two from the Faith Facts that Brother Lonnie discovered decades ago about procreation with multiple partners to achieve total genetic purity.

The unblinking eyes of Big Masturbation are peering into your soul. Do not give in.
The unblinking eyes of Big Masturbation are peering into your soul. Do not give in.

Considering this knowledge is anything but “new”, one then has to wonder why “scientists” were coercing these young men to commit self-rape. One theory is that it just another way to entice easily swayed young men on to the dark path of masturbation. Another theory is that this is just yet another “Big Masturbation” front and the dark, shady forces involved were collecting sperm. Why would they collect sperm? In order to build a clone army which would aid Obama and the masturbating liberals in taking over the United States by sheer numbers alone.

I believe both are possible and that this “study” could have been a two-pronged assault against the good people of this nation that value family and decency.

Needless to say, I immediately blocked the “friend” that shared the article championing this groundbreaking “scientific discovery”. I appreciate it when liberal scum like this individual accidentally out themselves.

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About Cathy Redmond 104 Articles
Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

43 Comments on “Scientific Study” Requires Men to Masturbate to Pornography

  1. I am proud to say that I have never wasted a single drop of semen. My parents were faithful enough to lock my sin stick in a chastity device until I found the perfect midwife. Every temptation to commit the sin deed has been done with with my submissive wife-servant, to create a noble soldier for Christ. If I'm lucky enough to have a boy (the superior gender), I already have his gear prepared; a blessed +1 long sword of homosexual slaying, a blessed +1 tower shield of tax evasion, a blessed +1 girdle of defense against anal penetration (also known as an Asgard, which is an artifact), a blessed +1 full helm of FaithFacts and a blessed +1 chainmail armor of resistance against liberalism and race-mixing.

    Praise!

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  2. Ok I still have not gotten answers, getting desperate over here.

    I find this very funny, correct me if I'm wrong, Christianity shames homosexuals and masturbaters. Also sex before marriage is wrong, then why am I shamed.

    I am an asexual (I find myself not being attracted to any gender), a virgin and I don't masturbate.

    Why do you shame me?

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          • That in my Christian community I came out as asexual. And was thrown out. Sick of not getting answers.

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          • Weird that they do that.
            Fun fact: this website is a parody.
            Here are some words of encouragement to deal with your situation.

            https://i.reddituploads.com/f848b0db3f7946ffac03702222414438?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=5476bf3bb5e917c4f3385f6a1896fb63

            http://rackjite.com/wp-content/uploads/rr22314gg.jpg

            Don't worry, it isn't some porn with malaware.

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  3. I will bet all my stored sin seeds that he thinks that you too did "out" yourself, by deleting him from your friendlist.

    I get your point. I just don't agree.

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  4. Is this a joke? I really hope so. You obviously have no understanding of science if it isn't one... Either way, it's funny.

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  5. This website is awesome, in the past whenever I felt dumb, I thought about the sloth grabbing his own arms thinking it are branches of a tree, but now I have got this epic website. Love it, simply love it.

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  6. I like how it says "Scientists" and "study", not to be rude but just because it goes against what you guys on here personally believe doesn't devalue it of being a scientific study.

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  7. I fapped to this
    Get rekt
    You are not even worthy of the title of ultimate noob
    So die in a fire
    You should watch my little droplets of cum spew out
    While I watch porn
    And fantasize
    And fap
    fap
    fap
    fap

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  8. Why is it only men in this sinful study? Brothers and sisters, we need to spread the sin around! If some women are in the study, rubbing one out while the men drub their dirty dingers, Jeasus will make us more aware of our sin, and convict our hearts while we're busting a nut (or ovary).

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  9. i stumbled across this while smoking marijuana and masturbating and now i've seen the errors of my way. thank you.

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  10. you guys are fucked up like just jerk it seriously. I don't care if you guys are spiritual or whatever, but if you think that any cosmic being would give any more than 2 shits about your meat stick/wallet you're nuts. Like this whole page is societal cancer! "Masturbation causes 400% increase in natural disasters" "Global warming proven wrong", this page is filled with dark age minds! Give me a break! Live your life the way you want to, and don't let some book written by 2000 year old geriatric fucks dictate yourself.

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    • The website is a parody thing.
      Here are some words of "encouragement"

      https://i.reddituploads.com/f848b0db3f7946ffac03702222414438?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=5476bf3bb5e917c4f3385f6a1896fb63

      http://rackjite.com/wp-content/uploads/rr22314gg.jpg

      No, it isn't porn that carries a virus, just something to laugh at 🙂

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  11. I would fuck Cathy Redmond and fill her mouth and pussy and ass with my seed at any time of any day

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  12. Hi Alex. I'm sorry your community is intolerant. This is a satirical website, though, and mocks those who would judge you. I hope you've found a way to be happy.

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  13. I want to defile cathy REDMOUND! I would wreck her asshole. I only fuck a woman's pussy when she's been good. Women are here for my pleasure!

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  14. I'm confused. Is this a troll site or do people actually believe this? If the latter, knock yourselves out, who am I to judge. But really... Is this actually real??
    Also, 'why' 'all' 'the' 'quotations'? Does scripture forbid proper grammar as well?

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  15. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Really? Sin stick? Sin seed? Devil's deed? Where do you get this stuff from? I'm off for a quick shifty perving over a pic of the virgin Mary!

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  16. I'm going to dump a steamy load of jizz all over Cathy redmonds tight little virgin pussy after I masturbate to the virgin marry on the front steps of the Vatican

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  17. I have a demon in my penis and it just never stops. I would like to request an exorcism with a female pastor.

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  18. "Sin Seed" Oh my cod this site is a joke. Masturbate and you'll feel better 😉

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