Paul Horner aka Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin MUST GO NOW

November 14, 2015 17

The grumblings have going on for some time among the Stop Masturbation NOW elders and I in good conscience must come out and say: Paul Horner aka Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin MUST GO NOW!

The man is a disgrace to Brother Lonnie’s outreach efforts to poor and disenfranchised children who don’t have the advantages afforded to God’s preferred and most loved white children. It is already hard enough to reach these children of masturbaters before it’s too without Horner’s extracurricular activities […]

B.L.U.F.F. Safford Campus Announces Big Game Safari to Zimbabwe

July 31, 2015 4

Safford, Arizona – Brother Lonnie’s University of FaithFacts (B.L.U.F.F.) has announced a special safari and big game hunting excursion to the African Nation of Zimbabwe. Special Services Recreational Director and long-time B.L.U.F.F. elder Thomas Downey announced the trip during a closed question-and-answer session between the B.L.U.F.F. Eldership and SMN Pledges in high standing at the Safford, AZ Campus.

A contingent of B.L.U.F.F. Superior Gendered Normals will depart on a chartered flight from Phoenix International Airport on Monday, September 7 and arrive […]

BREAKING: Lonnie Childs Solves Mystery Of Bigfoot

April 3, 2015 11

Another one of life’s great mysteries has been solved thanks to the tireless efforts of Lonnie Childs. Brother Lonnie was out walking the Earth as He does from time to time and found Himself in Western Oregon in the woods. The particular area Brother Lonnie was traveling through is renowned for ‘Bigfoot’ sightings, but Brother Lonnie, spiritual man that He is does not believe in such hokum and made a campfire for the evening. Brother Lonnie began by praying over […]

ESPN’s Mexican Calls Out Mulatto Iggy Azalea And Masturbator Boyfriend For Killing Dolphins And Hippity-Hopped Music

March 2, 2015 7

ESPN Anchor and Illegal Mexican, Robert Flores, calls out Australian, Iggy Azalea and an unknown black, for killing a dolphin and hip-hop rock music.

Recently, a Basketball-American type, (or in the less Politically correct vernacular, a Tribal being), from the L.A. Lakers, named Nick “Swaggy P” Young, admitted to wanting to murder a dolphin because the dolphin wanted to make sex at his girlfriend named Iggy Azalea. Here is his side of the story (We’ll get the dolphin’s side in a […]

Black History Month Fun Quiz

February 27, 2015 17

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Its been a cold and dark February, but its almost over. To celebrate the end of black history month we listed twenty inventions. See if you can find the three invented by Blacks.

Light Bulbs
Peanut Recipes
Seat Belt
Combustion Engine
Artificial Heart
Car shocks that bounce up and down for no reason
Steam Engine
Printing Press
Fire Truck

Best of luck to everyone!


Click here for the

Pre-Coming Of The Apocalypse May Have Already Begun

November 16, 2014 3


The End of Days maybe be upon us all, thus ringing in the beginning of the Rapture, and it all centers on one small city in the forgotten state of Connecticut.

Waterbury CT, a small and once-cursed by Native Tee-Pee and Wigwam Indians to be an uninhabitable area, inhabited by violent, indigenous, water-demons, city, made national news when a non-normal man, high on the salts and cracked cocaines, committed a public act of dog-masturbation, while proclaiming he was infected […]

Top Five Animals To Go Extinct From Masturbation

November 8, 2014 27


Throughout the approximately 8,500 years the world has existed, many animals have gone extinct, but only a few notable animals have gone extinct from masturbation.

Here’s a list of the top five:

1) The Tasmanian Tiger.

The thylacine was the first large cat to go extinct from masturbation

2) The Great Normal Rhinoceros

Though his name suggests he is a great beast, the Great Normal Rhinoceros became extinct because of hornplay and masturbation.

3) The Do-Do Bird

Like seriously, do we even have to explain how […]

Disturbing Video: Panda Caught Self-raping

October 21, 2014 10

The Wicked Wildlife Federation, in association with agents from Big Masturbation have released a disturbing video.

The grainy, shaking, out-of-focus footage shows a psychotic panda with glazed eyes, oblivious to the world, shaking his sin stick with vigor and reckless abandon until streams of seedy ejaculate are squirted into the air with no regard to purchase.

No doubt, this is the work of the devil and Big Masturbation. It’s not surprising that this revolting media cums from the nation of Communist Chinasia. They will […]

EbolAIDS Outbreak Begins

October 10, 2014 15

The Gulf Region USA- Somewhere in Africa or maybe Asia- (SMNNN)

Officials at B.L.U.F.F. microorganism/viral weaponry division, and the at least one capable person at The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, have declared the the dreaded homogay-induced virus Bad AIDS has mutated, and become the gay upon the proven masturbatory Ebola virus, producing the super hybrid EbolAIDS, the first confirmed disease to be gay, masturbatory, and fatal, which could become airborne, and ultimately kill every human on Earth or even worse.

The […]

Crazed Californian Masturbator Kills Nearly 1000 Chickens

October 3, 2014 9

Further proving that golf is an evil sport that should be banned, a deranged masturbator took a golf club and murdered nearly 1000 chickens in a facility near Fresno, California. The facility, owned by chicken manufacturer, Foster Farms, claimed that 920 chickens were murdered “with a golf club or other blunt object”. Foster Farms claims a loss of $5000 due to the untimely demise of the beasts.

Local law enforcement is still investigating the crime, but a source close to the […]

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