Big Masturbation Beer Removed From Shelves In Chicago

April 10, 2015 4

Anti-masturbation achieved a small victory recently when a pro-masturbation beer funded by Big Masturbation was removed from the shelves of a Chicago liquor store. The beer in question, “Happy Ending”, being marketed by SweetWater Brewing Company, features a label of man’s contorted face in the middle of an orgasm etched onto a box of tissues.  That alone would raise the red flags of any anti-masturbation warrior, however, the shop owner continued to dig deeper and found the outline of an […]

A World Gone Mad: Indian Women Advocate Masturbation

March 21, 2015 3

A horrifying glimpse into the unrestrained masturbation practices of the average lesser gendered member of Indian society was unceremoniously leaked onto the internet a few days ago. The video, an abomination even with its short 2 minute and 39 second run time, features several young, Indian lesser gendereds admitting to masturbation on camera and sharing their filthy masturbation stories with the world.

The girls, far too young to even be allowed out on the streets alone, give terrifying answers that are […]

Hotel Chain Promotes Masturbation

March 20, 2015 2

Big Masturbation has reportedly taken control of the “Days Inn” chain of budget hotels. An Instagram user discovered what they referred to as the “mosr (sic) accurate ‘do not disturb’ sign ever. All that’s missing is the furious and deeply shameful masturbation.”

Traditionally, the “Do Not Disturb” sign has been used to alert the cleaning staff that the room was not ready for cleaning. Clearly, at hotels like Days Inn, it is now being used to protect the disturbing practices of the average American […]

Lonnie Childs Prevents New Miley Cyrus Film From Being Screened

February 13, 2015 6

Brother Lonnie has done it again! A pro-masturbation film festival in the den of sin, New York City, had scheduled to screen a video featuring the Big Masturbation sex android herself, Miley Cyrus. Thanks to your prayers and Brother Lonnie’s tireless efforts, it has now been confirmed that the Big Masturbation funded and supported ‘bondage themed’ video will no longer be featured during the upcoming masturbation festival. Multiple sources are also claiming that all copies of the film have been seized and […]

Is the “Halo” gaming franchise promoting Self-Rape?

January 20, 2015 24

A screenshot from the “Halo” gaming franchise. This one comes from “Mass Effect 2”.

Here is what the Liberal lies claim about this “game” on Wikipedia(a known Communist site):
“In the distant past, a powerful race called the Forerunners fought an alien parasite known as the Flood. The Flood, which spread through infestation of sentient life, overran much of the Milky Way Galaxy. One of the races affected was humanity, who came into conflict with the Forerunners. Exhausted by their war […]

In-Depth Interview with Big Masturbation

December 16, 2014 4


We at Stop Masturbation Now are pleased to present this interview with an actual high-ranking official of Big Masturbation. Our own Professor Doctor Wizard Cardinal Thomas Kelly interviewed this “person” about the goals of the B.M movement.

Thomas Kelly: Hello, welcome. Would you care to explain yourself and the actions of your hate-group?

Anonymous Official Masturbator: ….

T.K. : Um, excuse me, would you be so kind as to knock that off for a few minutes while we do this […]

STOP Masturbation NOW Under Attack By Paid Shills!

December 9, 2014 14

Matthew 6:24 – “…You cannot serve both God and money.”


As the STOP Masturbation NOW self-celibacy movement becomes more successful and influential, it appears that the pushback from our detractors has increased as well.  It’s obvious that the masturbation lobby fear us and monitor our online activities.  Like a caged animals, agents of Big Masturbation lash out when confronted with the “inconvenient truth” about self-rape.  With each new groundbreaking faithfact about the dangers of masturbation that we reveal, like clockwork, a […]

Bruce Danus Saves The Life of a Masturbator

November 4, 2014 16

It was a cold, rainy night in Portland, OR; the home of the most masturbators in America, because it is the home of the most hipsters in America. I was waiting for a bus to take so I could preach the good words of Lonnie to a captive audience, when suddenly, I spotted an obvious self-raper, waddling his way towards me. Everyone near me was fearing for their safety also, as I could see them frantically cyber-messaging on their cellular […]

In Obama’s America: Pornographic Jack’Off Lanterns

October 27, 2014 14

(StopMasturbationNOW)— What happened to moral America? The America filled with family values, the America of fraternities, sports, the 4th of July, and Christmas? Well… it’s been replaced with filth. And this is not regular dirty Mexican filth, this is smut. Pure pornography.

Last week we showed you haw masturbators were corrupting Halloween by turning costumes into dinguses. Now our readers have gone to the streets and taken pictures of jack Off Lanterns on liberals doorsteps in their very neighborhood. What […]

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