Lonnie Childs Cleared as Suspect in Brutal Murder

June 9, 2017 4

SAFFORD, Ariz. – The FBI is now involved in the case of a murdered Lonvidian woman, found dead in her home early Tuesday morning. Safford police confirmed they are no longer considering Lonnie Childs to be a suspect in the case, and detectives have moved on to other suspects.

“There’s no such thing as typical,” said Sergeant Tim Wachinski with Safford police. “Every case is different depending on the nature of the case and circumstances surrounding it. In the beginning, given […]

Member of SMN Comes Out As a Gay

June 3, 2016 9

Earlier this week, the unthinkable happened.  James Wright, a member of SMN Ministries for two months, came out as a gay man.  Unlike most gay people who flamboyantly sing about being gay, Mr. Wright did not admit that he was gay.  SMN Deacon Jacob Franklin, and his keen eye for homogays, outed Mr. Wright himself.

Jacob Franklin described in a statement to church officials the moment when he outed Mr. Wright.  So, I walked by this person and in-passing, I said […]

Fappy Sentenced To Eight Years Imprisonment

December 2, 2015 9

SAFFORD AZ (SMNNN)

Paul Horner, the man inside the Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin furry mascot suit has been sentenced to eight years in federal prison following his arrest for accosting sea-animals at Sea World aquarium.

Saul Reubenstein, Horner’s attorney says they tried really hard, but the evidence against Paul Horner was far too damning. ” We thought we were gonna get him off,  Scott-free, but a new high-definition video taken by bystander Doug Pinnick, clearly shows him inserting his (censored) into a […]

Church Leaders and Parents are Under Arrest for Spanking “The Gay” out Of Their Children

October 15, 2015 5

As reported earlier today by the Associated Press, the parents of Lucas and Christopher Leonard, along with other members of the Word of Life Church, were arrested for Spanking The Gay out of these young men. The apparent beating took place during an intervention at the church itself.  According to prosecutors, the actual charge is “manslaughter”, given the fact that both men died before their homosexuality could be subdued.

Much like SMN Ministries, the World of Life Church functions as both […]

A Hand Up, Not a Hand Job

July 13, 2015 21

 

Ever since the Oriental race was first domesticated by man, the female of the species has proven herself an excellent companion to her male better, attending to his needs for a negligible fee and enduring psychological and bodily torments Western women have long since spurned, though it is their biblical duty to patiently abide them. While harmless in captivity, female Orientals can be extremely dangerous if encountered in the wild. As the once-steady trickle of Oriental immigrants has exploded into a raging torrent […]

Rain in Washington D.C. Thought To Be God’s Tears Following Landmark Decision To Allow Gay Marriage

June 27, 2015 19

SMNNN (WASHINGTON D.C.)

Weather.com reports rain and thunderstorms in the Washington D.C. today, following the landmark decision by the Supreme Court to recognize gay homosex marriage and queerosexual unions, and to disobey the Lord and his holy wishes, ultimately ushering in the Rapture, signifying the beginning of the end of the world as we know it.

The rain and thunder were said by local Lonvidians to be “a sure sign of (the rapture)” and “probably ( the tears of a weeping God, […]

U.S. Justice Department Statistics are in. Topping the list of sexual assault in Federal Prisons…Masturbation!!!!

June 18, 2015 2

 

Every year, the Justice Department airs its dirty laundry about what criminals do while in their custody.  The top three forms of sexual assault in Federal Prisons Are:

Masturbation (self-rape)
Forcible Rape (mainstream-rape)
Food Rape (usually produce or ham)

Eating bad food, having to associate with minorities, and living with other perverts is usually enough of a scare-tactic to encourage most people to uphold the law. Unfortunately, the for-profit prison system casually sweeps the masturbation statistics under the “rug.”

If you or anyone you know […]