Lonnie Childs Cleared as Suspect in Brutal Murder

June 9, 2017 6

SAFFORD, Ariz. – The FBI is now involved in the case of a murdered Lonvidian woman, found dead in her home early Tuesday morning. Safford police confirmed they are no longer considering Lonnie Childs to be a suspect in the case, and detectives have moved on to other suspects.

“There’s no such thing as typical,” said Sergeant Tim Wachinski with Safford police. “Every case is different depending on the nature of the case and circumstances surrounding it. In the beginning, given […]

Burn “The Man” Now…Burn IN HELL Later!

September 14, 2015 22

Friends, I want to warn you about a nefarious group of liberal anarchists who make annual pilgrimages to the Black Rock desert in Mexico to partake in the so-called “Burning Man” festival.

The Burning Man Project started in the early 1980’s after a group of San Franciscan hippers high on the dangerous street drug “ellis dee” decided to rebel against Godly morals by traveling to and masturbating in all 50 United States.  Typical of stupid and lazy drugged-out atheists, they failed to […]

Tim Tebow Convicted of Murder

April 20, 2015 11

Superbowl winning superstar quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, Tim Tebow has been convicted of first degree murder and sentence to life without parole.  Brother Lonnie has called for the public to withhold judgment until all the facts are known.  In his statement Brother Lonnie cautioned against judging God’s favorite white American quarterback and warned that Tebow’s anti-masturbation stance and moral upbringing have long made him a target of Big Masturbation.  The full statement can be found below.

“I have prayed long […]

The Star Trek’s Dr. Spock, Leonard Nimoy, Dies at 83

February 27, 2015 14

LOS ANGELES, CALIF. — Leonard Nimoy, the sonorous, gaunt-faced actor who won a worshipful global following as Dr. Spock, the resolutely logical human-alien first officer of the Starship Enterprise in “The Star Trek” television and movie franchise, died on Friday morning at his home in the Bel Air section of Los Angeles. He was 83.

His wife, Susan Bay Nimoy, confirmed his death, saying the cause was end-stage chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.

Mr. Nimoy announced that he had the disease last year, […]

A Day of Tragedy, Remembrance and Joy

December 14, 2014 20

R.I.P. Myron Danus. May Lonnie guide your soul in Heaven, as you sit next to Jesus and Ronald Reagen.

A day that was meant to be a glorious event full of love, the marriage of Myron Danus to Paula Austin, turned to tragedy today, but we at the Stop Masturbation Now compound are not people who let a death in our group stop us from helping to create new life and new bonds. Today, My Brother named Myron Danus […]

19-Year-Old Girl Drowns Masturbating In Shower

December 4, 2014 36

19-Year-Old Becky Hawkins of Pink Hill, North Carolina met the same fate that befalls 100% of all masturbators when she died committing the sin of self-rape in her shower. Hawkins, overcome by the throes of committing a deviant act with a removable showerhead, was found dead by her roommate, Jack Phillips, also of Pink Hill, North Carolina. The local medical examiner has ruled that Ms. Hawkins’s death was caused by drowning.

Faith Scientist, Dr. Keith Fitzgerald, of the Foundation For A […]

Top Five Animals In Danger Of Extinction Due To Masturbation

November 17, 2014 6


Masturbation, and the dreaded Masturbation Residue Film Particles (MRFPs) endanger all living things, but some animal and species are in danger of going the way of the Great Normal Rhinoceros and the giraffe, and becoming extinct from masturbation.

Here is a list of the most endangered animals:


The great normal shark has long dominated the Earth’s one sea, and was once thought unstoppable. But heathen sinners took to masturbating in the sea, creating undue amounts of […]

Pre-Coming Of The Apocalypse May Have Already Begun

November 16, 2014 3


The End of Days maybe be upon us all, thus ringing in the beginning of the Rapture, and it all centers on one small city in the forgotten state of Connecticut.

Waterbury CT, a small and once-cursed by Native Tee-Pee and Wigwam Indians to be an uninhabitable area, inhabited by violent, indigenous, water-demons, city, made national news when a non-normal man, high on the salts and cracked cocaines, committed a public act of dog-masturbation, while proclaiming he was infected […]

100% Of All Car Accidents Are Caused By Masturbators

November 13, 2014 18

The world’s last great think tank, The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, recently finished an 18 month study on the root cause of automobile accidents. The results they found, while predictable, were still shocking to the average American who still has not accepted Lonnie Childs as their personal anti-self-rape savior.

Dr. Carlton Abbott, who was lead faith researcher on the automobile accident study, spoke with Stop Masturbation Now in a brief telephone conversation I was able to have with him on […]

Masturbation is Russian Roulette!

October 20, 2014 11

Heart attacks, blindness and ligament damage (Devil’s Elbow) are all diseases associated with self-rape.  Whenever you masturbate you’re playing Russian Roulette!  Your next stroke of the sin-sword or ringing of the Devil’s Doorbell could be your last!  Do you really want to go out like British rocker Michael Hutchinson or Oriental Kung-Fu fighter David

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