Burn “The Man” Now…Burn IN HELL Later!

September 14, 2015 66

Friends, I want to warn you about a nefarious group of liberal anarchists who make annual pilgrimages to the Black Rock desert in Mexico to partake in the so-called “Burning Man” festival. The Burning Man Project […]

Tim Tebow Convicted of Murder

April 20, 2015 11

Superbowl winning superstar quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, Tim Tebow has been convicted of first degree murder and sentence to life without parole.  Brother Lonnie has called for the public to withhold judgment until all […]

The Star Trek’s Dr. Spock, Leonard Nimoy, Dies at 83

February 27, 2015 14

LOS ANGELES, CALIF. — Leonard Nimoy, the sonorous, gaunt-faced actor who won a worshipful global following as Dr. Spock, the resolutely logical human-alien first officer of the Starship Enterprise in “The Star Trek” television and […]

A Day of Tragedy, Remembrance and Joy

December 14, 2014 21

A day that was meant to be a glorious event full of love, the marriage of Myron Danus to Paula Austin, turned to tragedy today, but we at the Stop Masturbation Now compound are not […]

19-Year-Old Girl Drowns Masturbating In Shower

December 4, 2014 36

19-Year-Old Becky Hawkins of Pink Hill, North Carolina met the same fate that befalls 100% of all masturbators when she died committing the sin of self-rape in her shower. Hawkins, overcome by the throes of […]

Masturbation is Russian Roulette!

October 20, 2014 11

Heart attacks, blindness and ligament damage (Devil’s Elbow) are all diseases associated with self-rape.  Whenever you masturbate you’re playing Russian Roulette!  Your next stroke of the sin-sword or ringing of the Devil’s Doorbell could be […]

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