March 20, 2015 6

ISLAND MEXICO (SMNNN) Often, we here at Stop Masturbation Now Ministries are asked just how successful are we at converting heathen, self-rapist, foreigners into useful, upstanding, God-fearing, productive members of society. Today, we lambast the […]

Was the A-team Gay?

March 12, 2015 5

(StopMasturbationNOW)—The 80’s seemed like the perfect decade, Ronald Regan was president, the stock market hit new records every day, kids were saying no to drugs, and family values ruled the home. However lurking in the […]

New Downs Discovered, Masturbation To Blame

January 30, 2015 7

U.K. B.L.U.F.F BIOSCIENCE CAMPOUND (SMNN) A shocking statistic released by the U.K.B.L.U.F.F.B.C revealed the results of the extensive several pages of data collected by myself, and various other SMN Deacons and Elders, such as Cassidy […]

Masturbator Marries Herself

January 30, 2015 7

Houston TX (SMNN) A great offense against Our Lords took place in Houston, Texas, when a non-Normal-lesser-gendered married her own self, most likely, having caused the baby Jesus to weep on the cross out of […]

Masturbation: This can happen to you!

January 28, 2015 11

Sickening, isn’t it?  Meet Chad Hollingsworth.  Before his life reached this miserable state of outright depravity, Chad was a busy yet successful tax attorney with a beautiful same-race wife, three God-fearing Normal children, and a […]

In-Depth Interview with Big Masturbation

December 16, 2014 4

SECRET LOCATION- SOMEWHERE (SMNNN) We at Stop Masturbation Now are pleased to present this interview with an actual high-ranking official of Big Masturbation. Our own Professor Doctor Wizard Cardinal Thomas Kelly interviewed this “person” about […]

Shia Labeouf Self-Raped at Art Exhibit

November 29, 2014 8

Los Angelos, CA- (SMNN) Actor Shia Labeouf, known for movies such as Even Stevens and Transformings 4: Rise of The Batman, told pretty much anyone who would listen, that he was a victim of self-rape […]

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