Is Masturbation a Homosexual Act?

August 3, 2015 62

Friends, as you know, we here at STOP Masturbation NOW ministries are dedicated to educating the world about the dangers of masturbation.  One of the more disturbing faithfacts we have uncovered is that masturbation is a gateway homosexual act that has directly led to the moral decay of this great nation.

Typical masturbators flaunting their sin.

The federally funded study, conducted by faith scientists at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faithfacts (B.L.U.F.F.), took 16 months and $645,000 of your tax dollars in order […]

Masturbation: Offensive Across All Seven Deadly Sins

April 28, 2015 22

Safford, AZ – For years, the Stop Masturbation Now! Ministries has warned of and demonstrated the evils of Masturbation. The absolute harm done when one inflicts self rape activity on his or her soul when finger dancing the skin flute or spelunking the sin cave is incontrovertible, but still, agents of Big Masturbation have implanted seeds of doubt within the minds of the gullible and non-normal populations of God’s earth.

A shocking study performed at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts […]

Are Masturbators Mentally Handicapped?

March 30, 2015 31

(StopMasturbationNOW)—It’s the age old question… what came first the chicken or the egg? Well it kind of depends who you talk to, if you are a faithful follower of the teachings of Lonnie then you are well aware that the chicken was created intact and whole. However if you are a liberal who worships scLIEnce, then you believe that some goo morphed into a fish and then a chicken. Well the same question is often asked here, does masturbation make […]

How to Judge a Woman By Her Clothing

March 19, 2015 31

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Women are the number one cause of masturbation, whether it be not keeping their husband satisfied or in how they dress, they are usually to blame. They say you cannot judge a book by its cover, but you sure can judge a woman by how she dresses. Here is a handy guide on how to judge a woman’s

Lonnie Childs: “Slavery Was a Giant Mistake”

February 9, 2015 7

(StopMasturbationNow)—Leader Lonnie Childs finished his speaking tour of the east coast last Thursday with a speech to hundreds of eager listeners in Bangor, Maine. As is typical for his final stop, Lonnie took some extra time to reflect on the trip to those in the audience.

“Over the last few weeks I have had the opportunity to lay flowers on the site where Martin Luther King Jr was Assassinated.  I got to see people living in poverty in the south.  Black History month […]

The Menstrual Hut

September 23, 2014 20

The Menstrual Hut
Procedures and Guidelines

*Note: The following is a living document subject to refinement, adjustment, and reinterpretation by Brother Lonnie in conjunction with the B.L.U.F.F. Council of Elders (Eldership). Revisions may occur without notice; however, they become Campus Law as soon as they are bound to print. Any or all laws contained within the B.L.U.F.F. Handbook may be superseded by the King Lonald Holy Bible or by proclamation from Brother Lonnie or the Council of Elders (Eldership).

Brother Lonnie’s University of […]

Brother Lonnie Announces Efforts to Repeal 19th Amendment

September 17, 2014 11

When Barak Obama signed the 19th Amendment into law few could have seen the unintended disastrous consequences.  LIEberal activist judges have taken liberties with this new law imbuing it with rights that were never intended.  The 19th Amendment was designed to make female circumcision legal and somehow these hactivist judges have decided it also gives unattractive women the right to masturbate, vote, drive, own property and have sexual congress with other unattractive women.  As preached by Brother Lonnie, women are […]

9/11 Was an Inside Handjob

September 11, 2014 17


Today, we mark the 13th anniversary of the September 11, 2001 attacks which brought this nation to its knees (homogays were already there, of course). Like the Kennedy Assassination, we all remember where we were the moment we heard the news. Most of us were in the middle of our morning masturbation session, caught by the terrorists with our pants down just like they hoped.

The majority of Americans smugly assume to have long since settled the details of these events. […]

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