Do Not Take The Bad AIDS Challenge

September 8, 2014 27

“Our prayers will heal the damage to your soul from life of masturbation, but only time will heal your vagina.” – Brother Doug Pinnic

The fact that masturbation gives you the Gay, is basic Faith Science. And if we learned anything from Tom Cruise’s movie “Philadelphia”, is that unlike famous basketball players, Gays usually get the bad AIDS.

Furthermore, chronic masturbators often resort to drug use in order to cope with guilt and shame associated with trauma of repeated self-rape cycles. It won’t take […]

Study Confirms B.L.U.F.F. Men Have Larger Penis Size

September 7, 2014 31

BLUFF HQ-STAFFORD, AZ – A recent study just concluded by Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.) in association with The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow has confirmed what we at the SMN Ministry knew all along – the men of B.L.U.F.F. have substantially larger penis sizes than those of non-normal masturbators. The finalized data reveals (no pun intended) that B.L.U.F.F. men sport penis sizes 100% larger on average than non-normals.

The study surveyed over 50,000 penis sizes from non-normal masturbators […]

Brother Lonald Foils the Devil Again

September 5, 2014 17

Note: The following is a excerpt from the King Lonald Holy Bible, a more accurate account of God and Christ.

…and so it was that Brother Lonald, adhering to the Lord’s Calling to deliver the message of self rape abstinence to the afflicted third world countries of tribal Africa, was confronted by terrorist hijackers aboard a DC10 en route to Kenya.

The leader of the sinful band of sand tribals, Ali Haja Aboodabi, ordered his men to commandeer the aircraft shortly after […]

You Can Fool Yourself But You Cannot Fool God: Masturbation is Self-Rape

August 31, 2014 11

Many of the masturhaters who troll this holy netsite have convinced themselves that masturbation is “hip” and “cool”.  Tell me, is burning in Hell for eternity “hip” and “cool”?  The faithfact is that masturbation is a form of self-rape.  Not so “cool” now, is it?  STOP Masturbation NOW and become saved!  Praise!

 

God bless some of you!

 

-Lonnie Childs

How to Take a Proper Shower

August 11, 2014 14

We’ve all heard the old saying, “Cleanliness is next to Lonnieliness.”. I am going to walk you through the simple steps that I take to properly wash my female form in the shower. It’s so simple that even the most dullest of sexes can comprehend (that means “understand”)!

First, I like to fully saturate my body in moderately warm water. Being 99.787% normal means that  .013% of me is still a filthy non normal from the continent India, a providence of  southern […]

Staunch Anti-Masturbation Ally Turns Normal

August 9, 2014 8

It’s easy to get discouraged in the fight against masturbation.  Big Masturbation and its allies for years have been undermining the moral fabric of this country through the schools, Hollywood, the LIEberal media and sports.  Today marks a turning point in our struggle.

International black baseballing super star Sammy Sosa has recently revealed the secret to his touchdown prowess.  While other players were injecting their bodies with all manner of filth in order to gain a competitive advantage, Brother Sammy used […]

History Lesson On Dangers Of Masturbation: Freddie Mercury

August 8, 2014 7

The Faith Facts are in. Masturbation epidemic is swiping the planet, and no one is safe. It doesn’t care if you’re foreign or normal, woman or man, black or rich. A one hit wonder Rock-n-Roll singer Freddie Mercury has learned this lesson firsthand.

At the height of his musical career, Freddie Mercury – the lead singer of a rock band Village People, has fallen into the grips of drug addiction and masturbation. As it usually happens, it wasn’t long before he has […]

Masturbation Facts that Will BLOW YOUR MIND!

August 1, 2014 53

Ocean Water and Semen

Graphic representation of our planet as laid out during the epic voyages of Brother Lonnie Childs

Ocean water is salty. Semen is salty. You should never swallow ocean water while swimming. You should never masturbate, NOR should you swallow your own semen after masturbating. Lonnie Childs’ Law of Conservation of Mass states in faith :

“Matter is neither created nor destroyed as such, seminal fluids last forever.”
– Saint Lonnie Childs

This SPERM Whale lives in the ocean. Coincidence? I think […]

Karate for Perverts

August 1, 2014 3

Masturbation is a same-sex sex-act that one performs on themselves. By doing so, you touch the sex organ of your own gender and become so aroused that you climax. This conditions the body and mind to become a gay. It’s like Karate for perverts.

Once gay, you will be spending most of your free time having rough unprotected anal sex with complete strangers. It’s only a matter of time before you catch prostate cancer in some dirty bathroom stall.

Hello friends. My […]

FaithScientists Discover Masturbation KILLS – FaithFact #532

July 31, 2014 15

Stop Masturbation Now Ministries led by our spiritual leader Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs has been at the forefront of masturbation FaithScience and has made numerous advancements and FaithDiscoveries regarding our knowledge of self-rape. For instance it was our own FaithScientists along with Brother Lonnie’s fervent prayers that discovered that masturbation can give you The Cancer, the good and bad The AIDS and turn otherwise healthy individuals into emosexuals. But thanks to Brother Lonnie’s tireless efforts in conjunction with the taxpayer […]

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