David Bowie Dead Of Cancer

January 11, 2016 47

ENGLAND, PROBABLY, MAYBE SCOTLAND (SMNNN)

Horrible androgen Martian-spider/human hybrid Sex-goblin rockpop icon, and profuse masturbator David Bowie succumbed to various masturbation related cancers today, he was 69 years old.

Bowie, long an androgynous mess of a waste of sinning oxygen, had a long and storied career beginning in 1978 when he fell to Earth and immediately began befouling himself. His terrible masturbation fueled howls were soon recorded by some awful person, and through obvious Satanism, were placed “on the air”, which then […]

83 Signs Your Underage Daughter is a Harlot

January 5, 2016 12

[Special thanks to Larry Thomas for his contribution to this sacred undertaking]

Ever wondered if your daughter was a harlot? Now you can know! According to recently updated BDSM-5 (Biblical Diagnostics of Sinogenic Maladies) guidelines, if a pubescent female between the ages of 12 – 17 meets at least six of the following criteria, a diagnosis of raging harlotry is likely. While I always recommend evaluation by a professional (preferably me), a parent (preferably male) who is sufficiently intrusive and insensitive will typically spot […]

Paul Horner aka Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin MUST GO NOW

November 14, 2015 15

The grumblings have going on for some time among the Stop Masturbation NOW elders and I in good conscience must come out and say: Paul Horner aka Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin MUST GO NOW!

The man is a disgrace to Brother Lonnie’s outreach efforts to poor and disenfranchised children who don’t have the advantages afforded to God’s preferred and most loved white children. It is already hard enough to reach these children of masturbaters before it’s too without Horner’s extracurricular activities […]

Family Values Approved Halloween Ghost Cookies Recipe

October 12, 2015 3

(StopMasturbationNOW)— Fall is one of the best times of the year. Hard working Americans get to reap the fruits of their labor, football is back, and baseball gets its World Series. But another one of the best things of the fall is Halloween and all the fun costumes and treats. Today we share one of the best treats of the year…Ghost Cookies.

 

Here are the ingredients your wife will need:

22 chocolate wafer cookies
1 envelope (2-3/4 tsp) unflavored gelatin
1 cup granulated sugar
Brown […]

Facebook to Finally Allow you to Dislike Masturbators

September 15, 2015 12

(StopMasturbationNOW)—It has been long proven that masturbation is a top ten cause of disease and the leading cause of eroding family values. But masturbation material is constantly prevalent on Facebook. People post “selvies” in which they take pictures of themselves in ordure to encourage other people to masturbate to their image

Dislike!

Many of these selvie pictures involve mirrors, dinguses, cats, underwear, and milk sacks. As disgusting and immoral as they are they are somehow allowed because it’s the internets. But today […]

Is Blades and Fades a Safe Place to get a Haircut?

September 12, 2015 0

(StopMasturbationNow)—A good clean haircut is a staple of male family values. However People working on building our North Idaho Compound and Traveling through the State of Washington were warned by local faithful to avoid a certain barber shop.

 

The place in question is Blades and Fades. A local haircutting establishment that recently gained famed on a website called Craig’s Lists. The issue was a comment on the Craig’s Lists about some silly sign, the owners apparently and stupidly called out individuals […]

Won’t You Please Help?

September 2, 2015 15

For immediate release:

“My brothers and sisters…I, Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, having fought the scourge of masturbation for decades now must come to you in our most desperate hour.  The 30% tithe of their gross income that my followers pay has in the past been sufficient to fund my ministry and keep me in the lifestyle of which I’ve been accustomed.  The recent victories we have scored against Big Masturbation have caused their donors such as the Obamas, the Clintons and George […]

Brother Lonnie Accused of Patronizing Ashley Madison

August 28, 2015 9

As the fallout of the Ashley Madison masturbation scandal reaches its climax it’s to be expected the LIEberal elements of the netsites would try to tarnish Brother Lonnie’s saintly visage with tawdry claims that his e-mail account was among the millions exposed by hackers.  The notorious lesbian netsite hacker known simply as “Salazar” has claimed that she found a suspicious e-mail address among the millions released from Ashley Madison internal servers.  The e-mail address in question is NOTlonniechilds6969@stopmasturbationnow.org.  In a […]

Annual 4 Corners Mass-Wedding Ceremony Set for September

August 24, 2015 8

 

Have you ever dreamed of participating in a mass-wedding ceremony performed by your favorite alternative religious leader?  What about joining, in holy matrimony, with four of your same-race assigned spouses at the same time?  If so, you will be glad to know that SMN Ministries has the Annual “4-Points Marriage Marathon” planned, set and ready to go on September 1st.

Just mere miles northeast of the SMN compound in Safford, Arizona, lies the “four corners” national monument.  Four Corners is where […]

Bananas: Satan’s Fruit

July 30, 2015 19

NATURE- SMNNN

Throughout nature, we at B.L.U.F.F and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow have found a plethora of disgusting natural objects that codify self-rape, but perhaps none is so blatantly obviously created to be a foul dingus as that demonic penis-resembling fruit: the banana.

THE AGENDA

Here we see Mexicans harvesting bananas, which will fund ISIS, surely

The agenda of this yellow phallus shaped succulent fruit is unclear. Try as though we might, we have yet to be able to get the bananas […]

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