David Bowie Dead Of Cancer

January 11, 2016 52

ENGLAND, PROBABLY, MAYBE SCOTLAND (SMNNN) Horrible androgen Martian-spider/human hybrid Sex-goblin rockpop icon, and profuse masturbator David Bowie succumbed to various masturbation related cancers today, he was 69 years old. Bowie, long an androgynous mess of […]

Self-Purity: The Newest Teenage Fad?

January 6, 2016 10

It seems like every generation is more confused than the generation before it. In the 50’s it was “cool” to wear poodle skirts and comb your hair. In the 60’s, it was “hip” to dress […]

83 Signs Your Underage Daughter is a Harlot

January 5, 2016 12

[Special thanks to Larry Thomas for his contribution to this sacred undertaking] Ever wondered if your daughter was a harlot? Now you can know! According to recently updated BDSM-5 (Biblical Diagnostics of Sinogenic Maladies) guidelines, if a […]

Saint-Shaming is NOT Okay

October 28, 2015 6

Once upon a time, our white-male-cis-hetero Forefathers were instructed by God to construct a vessel of righteousness and flee the wicked and perverse generation of the Church of England. Anglicans had legalized marijuana and masturbation, […]

Won’t You Please Help?

September 2, 2015 18

For immediate release: “My brothers and sisters…I, Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, having fought the scourge of masturbation for decades now must come to you in our most desperate hour.  The 30% tithe of their gross income […]

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