Pioneers In Anti-Masturbation: Benjamin Franklin

February 13, 2015 4

HISTORY, (SMNN) Deep with the annuls of history, there have been great non-masturbators, today we speak of one of the greatest: Benjamin Franklin THE FORMATIVE YEARS In the early 18th century, Benjamin Franklin appeared in […]

Lonnie Childs: “Slavery Was a Giant Mistake”

February 9, 2015 7

(StopMasturbationNow)—Leader Lonnie Childs finished his speaking tour of the east coast last Thursday with a speech to hundreds of eager listeners in Bangor, Maine. As is typical for his final stop, Lonnie took some extra time […]

New Female Masturbation Solution

January 30, 2015 20

Brother Lonnie’s Anti-Masturbation Research and Development team has recently completed work on one of their most ambitious projects to date; a contraption that serves as a solution to the female masturbation problem. The new product, […]

Are “Crotch Selfies” the new Hip Masturbation Trend?

January 26, 2015 15

  (StopMasturbationNow)—Masturbation and technology. Two words that seem forever linked. From pornographic internets sites to online dating, masturbators seem to embrace technology at a dangerous pace. Always trying to stay ahead of parents and watchdog […]

I Was Self-Raped

December 21, 2014 49

(SMNN) The sad fact of the matter is, no one asks to be self-raped. You don’t wake up in the morning, and say “Hey, maybe I’ll violate myself today, that’d be great.” Self-rape happens. Here […]

In-Depth Interview with Big Masturbation

December 16, 2014 4

SECRET LOCATION- SOMEWHERE (SMNNN) We at Stop Masturbation Now are pleased to present this interview with an actual high-ranking official of Big Masturbation. Our own Professor Doctor Wizard Cardinal Thomas Kelly interviewed this “person” about […]

Ban the Term “Diddly-squat”

December 9, 2014 9

In this week’s “Ranting Towards Redemption With Brother Cassidy” column, I provide insight toward the use of a phrase that I find highly unacceptable due to its offending nature. My dear friends in Christ Through […]

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