Trump to Impose Masturbation Ban

February 5, 2017 12

President Trump confirms he is about to authorize a “ban” on masturbators migration, new restrictions on entry from countries with a history of masturbation. “It’s countries that have tremendous self-rape,” Trump told SMN News in […]

Saint-Shaming is NOT Okay

October 28, 2015 6

Once upon a time, our white-male-cis-hetero Forefathers were instructed by God to construct a vessel of righteousness and flee the wicked and perverse generation of the Church of England. Anglicans had legalized marijuana and masturbation, […]

Won’t You Please Help?

September 2, 2015 18

For immediate release: “My brothers and sisters…I, Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, having fought the scourge of masturbation for decades now must come to you in our most desperate hour.  The 30% tithe of their gross income […]

A Hand Up, Not a Hand Job

July 13, 2015 21

  Ever since the Oriental race was first domesticated by man, the female of the species has proven herself an excellent companion to her male better, attending to his needs for a negligible fee and […]

What Liberals Actually Believe Will Astonish You

June 4, 2015 4

(StopMaturbationNOW)—Liberals pretend to hold the moral high ground when it comes to facts. They point at evolution, the earth not being flat, and even climate change and laugh at conservatives. However it turns out that […]

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