Mexi-FemiNazi’s Attack Chancellor Lonnie Childs During Press Conference!

February 4, 2017 1

Mexi-FemiNazi turns blue in the face from lack of oxygen as BLUFF agents threw her out into the street. /AP Photo

By Nigel J. Covington III

Reporting For SMN News

(SMN News) Today the U.S. Department of Education, (DOE) announced the Board of Education has approved a new Sex Education curriculum for all high school aged students who attend public high schools throughout the country.

Cynthia Castle-Coe, a spokesperson for the DOE, said, “Last week the board approved the BLUFF Sex Education Curriculum, submitted […]

Stop Masturbation Satellite Hacked: Now Distributing Gay Porn

January 20, 2016 8

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Last week was a feel good moment for us here at StopMasturbationNOW. We had just launched our first satellite the Childs1 into space. Unfortunately, less than one week into service hackers have taken over the satellite and are now using it to distribute interracial gay porn.

The satellite… childs1 was sent up into space to broadcast our anti masturbation message to the masses as well as do experiments, unfortunately the pro masturbation hacker known as Obamalover69 has commandeered the satellite and […]

Stop Masturbation Now Announces Launch of First Anti Masturbation Satellite

January 14, 2016 8

(StopMasturbationNOW)— Stop Masturbation NOW, a division of SMN Heavy Industries and Chemical, today proudly launched their first satellite into orbit. Named Childs1, the geostationary satellite is capable of broadcasting anti masturbation related materials as well as do experiments.

“Childs1 hopes to be the first of many devices planned for this decade and the next” Said Lonnie Childs, Leader and Founder of Stop Masturbation NOW. “We are reaching an era where Masturbation has had increasing effects on infrastructure and the planet. From […]

Lonnie Childs to Forgive Muslims for 9/11

September 12, 2015 0

(StopMasturbationNow)—In his annual 9/11 remembrance speech; SMN Industries founder and leader Lonnie Childs announced the need for forgiveness and reconciliation with the religion responsible for the terrible acts on 9/11.

Our Faith is based on the tenants of acceptance and forgiveness, we must reach out to these wild peoples and offer to forgive them.

Lonnie will forgive any Muslims who:

                Are ready to ask for forgiveness.
                Sign a statement saying they renounce their faith.
                Acknowledge the wisdom and teachings of Lonnie
                Pay […]

Won’t You Please Help?

September 2, 2015 15

For immediate release:

“My brothers and sisters…I, Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, having fought the scourge of masturbation for decades now must come to you in our most desperate hour.  The 30% tithe of their gross income that my followers pay has in the past been sufficient to fund my ministry and keep me in the lifestyle of which I’ve been accustomed.  The recent victories we have scored against Big Masturbation have caused their donors such as the Obamas, the Clintons and George […]

Brother Lonnie Accused of Patronizing Ashley Madison

August 28, 2015 9

As the fallout of the Ashley Madison masturbation scandal reaches its climax it’s to be expected the LIEberal elements of the netsites would try to tarnish Brother Lonnie’s saintly visage with tawdry claims that his e-mail account was among the millions exposed by hackers.  The notorious lesbian netsite hacker known simply as “Salazar” has claimed that she found a suspicious e-mail address among the millions released from Ashley Madison internal servers.  The e-mail address in question is NOTlonniechilds6969@stopmasturbationnow.org.  In a […]

SMN Self Rape Alert: Mad Max Fury Road

May 20, 2015 11

SMN Safford, AZ-As kids flock to the latest Hollywood Blockbuster, Mad Max-Fury Road, a disturbing parental alert has been issued by the Faith Advisory Parental Media Information and Liturgical Foundation (FAPMILF), the anti-masturbation in media arm of Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.).

Various hidden pro masturbation messages have been uncovered in the film which has earned a FAPMILF color code rating of red, or nearly %100 danger of masturbation sin to minors and the weak-minded. This SMN Self Rape […]

New Mascot Unveiled to Help Teach Mexican Kids The Sins Of Masturbation

March 31, 2015 8

Fappy

(StopMasturbationNOW)—After the fantastic success of our Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin program we had a lot of requests for him to speak to many Mexican areas of our country and around the world, the problem is as everyone knows, dolphins don’t speak Mexican. So thanks to a $50,000 research study that was funded by the US Federal Government, Mexican council of Food, and the Foundation for a Better Tomorrow, we have found a way to reach the world’s Mexicans.

Introducing “Tickle the […]

Masturbator Marries Herself

January 30, 2015 7

Houston TX (SMNN)

A great offense against Our Lords took place in Houston, Texas, when a non-Normal-lesser-gendered married her own self, most likely, having caused the baby Jesus to weep on the cross out of rage and shame.

Non-Normal-Lesser-Gendered Yasmin Eleby, proudly married herself, in a direct affront to decency at the Houston non-Normals ‘Cultural’ center, in a ceremony containing many non-Normals, and most likely, Satan The Devil himself.

Eleby has promised to “Love herself” as a result of this marriage.

SMN spokesperson Dr […]

SMN will be featured “On the Air with Mike Allen” Wednesday Jan 21

January 20, 2015 13

FOR RELEASE January 20, 2015

Media Contact: info@stopmasturbationnow.org

We are pleased to announce that Stop Masturbation will be the featured guest on: On the Air with Mike Allen Wednesday January 21, 2015.

Stop Masturbation Now is the premier movement dedicated to ending masturbation, restoring family values, masturbation education, lowering the price of oil, and faithfact science

2015 is shaping up to be an excellent year with after having over 4 million readers last year alone to our web site and the launch of many […]