Faith Scientists: Masturbation causes Tzatziki Virus

June 23, 2016 12

(StopMasturbationNOW)—One of this year’s hottest topics has been the dreaded Tzatziki Virus. Pronounced “Zeekah” the virus has received extra attention due to the Olympics being held in the largest Mexican territory of Brazil this year. […]

Archeologists find Ancient Anti-Masturbation Glove

January 25, 2016 6

(StopMasturbationNOW)— Archeologists from the Wyoming institute of Technology discovered evidence of an ancient society that was obviously ant-masturbation. Digging in the foothills of the Crimea, a team of 12 men found a metal glove designed […]

Is Masturbation Destroying The Climate?

January 6, 2016 37

SAFFORD AZ (SMNNN) A chilling result of a study, released by Brother Lonnie’s University of Faithfacts, and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, entitled: “Masturbation Residue And It’s Effects On The Global Climate “ outlines […]

Saint-Shaming is NOT Okay

October 28, 2015 6

Once upon a time, our white-male-cis-hetero Forefathers were instructed by God to construct a vessel of righteousness and flee the wicked and perverse generation of the Church of England. Anglicans had legalized marijuana and masturbation, […]

Have You Been Touched By The Hand of God?

July 15, 2015 16

  We here at Stop Masturbation Now Ministries often hear the dribble from masturbators that “Too much build-up of sperm in your system is un-healthy.” While that is partially true, it is not entirely true. […]

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