Saints Cut Seed Spiller C.J. Spiller

September 14, 2016 1

NEW ORLEANS, LA — “No hard feelings” is how C.J. Spiller sums up his time with the New Orleans Saints. In an concerted effort to both improve their moral image and save money at the same time, the team has cut ties with the running back on Monday.

C.J. (which stands for Circle Jerk) Spiller is a known sideline and locker room masturbator / self rapist.

Spiller, 29, signed a four-year, $16 million deal with the Saints last year. He was suspended […]

How many Gold Medals Would Tim Tebow Win if he was at the Olympics?

August 9, 2016 8

Dear Lonnie, how many medals would Tim Tebow win if he was at the Olympics?

Bart Tanner 13


Well Bart, the easy answer of course would be all of them. Laughing Out Loud! But seriously, it is a great question and involves a lot of thought. As a hypothetical question we need to make some assumptions.

Assumption number 1. We will limit this to individual sports to rule out variables in teammate play.

Assumption number 2. We will rule out medals in sports that […]

Rio 2016 Medal Table By Race

August 8, 2016 4

Medal Table by Race










Continuing Rio 2016

Rio 2016: Semen, Lesbians and Crocodiles, and All This Before Any Medals Have Been Won

August 5, 2016 10

(StopMasturbationNOW)— Not a single Olympic medal has been awarded yet and already these Olympics have been an utter travesty. You would think these are the special Olympics but there is nothing special in Rio.

Hundreds of athletes have reported semen stained bedding and in some cases semen caked on the floor up to an inch thick.

The women’s basketball players seem to be worried about scoring with each other more than scoring buckets.

And lastly golf, back for the first time in one […]

WNBA Season Comes to a Close

October 14, 2015 0

(StopMasturbationNOW)—This seasons WNBA season has come to a close. Sometime in the last couple of months the regular season ended and a champion was crowned we assume.
The WNBA is a lot like the NBA except where in the NBA both genders are welcome the WNBA excludes men to give women a chance to play and show up fundamentals like bounce passing and lay ups.



In Other Basketball News:

Lamar Odom

Another casualty of the Kardashians… If wrecking Bruce Jenner wasn’t enough, Lamar Odom […]

Women’s World Cup Soccer Players do Lesbian Sex Act on Field

July 7, 2015 9

(StopmasturbationNOW)—This past Sunday was the finale of the 2015 Women’s Soccer World cup. A record number of people worldwide tuned in to watch Americans destroy the Chinese and once and for all get revenge for the cowardly Pearl Harbor attacks.

Initially viewers were in for a treat as the United States jumped out to quick lead en route to an easy victory. However the true horror still came later.

Unsuspecting viewers were terrorized as female soccer player Addie Wombat performed a mouth sex act on […]

Lonnie Childs Officially Declares Bruce Jenner Male… Pope to Follow Suit

June 2, 2015 7

(StopMasturbationNOW)—It’s funny how liberals always turn to science to disprove religion and conservative issues. From the scopes monkey trial to evolution, liberals trot out piece of scientific evidence after piece of scientific evidence. It’s funny how all that science goes away when it suits them. Despite everything about biology, liberals own evolution, natural selection etc.. that proves gender and heterosexual issues, liberals seem intent on saying gender is not biological but mental. People can decide to be one, both, either, […]

Sepp Blatter Resigns Amid Masturbation Scandal

June 2, 2015 1

Sepp Blatter

(StopMasturbationNOW)—FIFA president Sepp Blatter announced his resignation on Tuesday after a second scandal in less than a week rocked the world football’s governing body.

Speaking at a news conference in Zurich, Blatter said he would remain in his position until a special election can be held to appoint his successor. Domenico Scala, the chairman of FIFA’s Audit and Compliance Committee, said an election would be held sometime between December 2015 and March 2016, during which time FIFA will vet candidates.

Blatter was […]

Masturbation Residues Discovered on Royals Stadium Hot Dogs

April 22, 2015 4


KANSAS CITY MO – League officials and Representatives of the Jackson County Board of Health are investigating claims that high concentrations of masturbation particulates were found on hot dogs sold by the Kauffman Stadium concession.

Arrowmark Industries denies the charges that extensive amounts of semen microbes and dried vaginal particulates are present on hot dogs sold both at concession counters and by mobile vendors throughout the facility.

Kauffman Stadium, home to the Kansas City Royals Major League Baseball Team, hosted […]

Tim Tebow Convicted of Murder

April 20, 2015 11

Superbowl winning superstar quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, Tim Tebow has been convicted of first degree murder and sentence to life without parole.  Brother Lonnie has called for the public to withhold judgment until all the facts are known.  In his statement Brother Lonnie cautioned against judging God’s favorite white American quarterback and warned that Tebow’s anti-masturbation stance and moral upbringing have long made him a target of Big Masturbation.  The full statement can be found below.

“I have prayed long […]

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