Tim Tebow Convicted of Murder

April 20, 2015 11

Superbowl winning superstar quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, Tim Tebow has been convicted of first degree murder and sentence to life without parole.  Brother Lonnie has called for the public to withhold judgment until all […]

Ronda Rousey is no Mike Tyson

April 10, 2015 7

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Lately there have been a lot of camparisons drawn between Ronda Rousey and Mike Tyson. Ronda Rousey is the current  UFC Women’s Bantamweight Champion where she is an undefeated 11-o. She wins most of her […]

Pioneers of Self-Celibacy: Ty Cobb

March 25, 2015 3

<STOP MASTURBATION NOW!> Born December 18, 1886 in Rural Georgia only one generation after the war between the states, Tyrus Raymond “Ty” Cobb became one of baseball’s greatest players and a pioneer in the struggle […]

Leader Lonnie So Far Perfect In March Madness Brackets

March 21, 2015 1

(StopMasturbationNOW)–Our leader Lonnie Childs has so far perfectly predicted the NCAA basketball tournament. What make his picks unique is that he made his predictions before the NCAA selection committee even announced the brackets and seeding. […]

Mitt Romney to Fight Evander Holyfield

March 17, 2015 1

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Mormons sure are a conundrum, we need their votes to help keep liberals in check, but their polygamy ways and weird beliefs conflict with the teachings of Lonnie. Probably the most famous Mormon of late […]

Lonnie Childs Bowls Record 303 Game

February 20, 2015 11

(StopMasturbationNow)—Leader Lonnie Childs last night bowled a record 303 game of bowling. The previous record was 300 and was shared by many individuals. The miracle happened in the 5th frame when a mysterious 11th pin […]

Brother Lonnie Revokes Tiger Woods’ Normal Status

February 7, 2015 6

According to Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, honorary Normal skinned golfing sensation Tiger Woods is once again black thanks to the recent scandal regarding his rampant masturbation and sleeping with over a dozen chubby white women […]

How to Keep Minorities from Ruining Your Super Bowl

January 30, 2015 8

(StopMasturbationNow)—This Sunday is Super Bowl XLIX (49 for the uneducated). This year’s game pits Tom Brady and the New England Patriots against the defending Champion Seattle Mariners. The game will be broadcast live from University […]

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