David Bowie Dead Of Cancer

January 11, 2016 52

ENGLAND, PROBABLY, MAYBE SCOTLAND (SMNNN) Horrible androgen Martian-spider/human hybrid Sex-goblin rockpop icon, and profuse masturbator David Bowie succumbed to various masturbation related cancers today, he was 69 years old. Bowie, long an androgynous mess of […]

83 Signs Your Underage Daughter is a Harlot

January 5, 2016 12

[Special thanks to Larry Thomas for his contribution to this sacred undertaking] Ever wondered if your daughter was a harlot? Now you can know! According to recently updated BDSM-5 (Biblical Diagnostics of Sinogenic Maladies) guidelines, if a […]

Masturbator Marries Herself

January 30, 2015 7

Houston TX (SMNN) A great offense against Our Lords took place in Houston, Texas, when a non-Normal-lesser-gendered married her own self, most likely, having caused the baby Jesus to weep on the cross out of […]

Are “Crotch Selfies” the new Hip Masturbation Trend?

January 26, 2015 15

  (StopMasturbationNow)—Masturbation and technology. Two words that seem forever linked. From pornographic internets sites to online dating, masturbators seem to embrace technology at a dangerous pace. Always trying to stay ahead of parents and watchdog […]

In-Depth Interview with Big Masturbation

December 16, 2014 4

SECRET LOCATION- SOMEWHERE (SMNNN) We at Stop Masturbation Now are pleased to present this interview with an actual high-ranking official of Big Masturbation. Our own Professor Doctor Wizard Cardinal Thomas Kelly interviewed this “person” about […]

Shia Labeouf Self-Raped at Art Exhibit

November 29, 2014 8

Los Angelos, CA- (SMNN) Actor Shia Labeouf, known for movies such as Even Stevens and Transformings 4: Rise of The Batman, told pretty much anyone who would listen, that he was a victim of self-rape […]

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