Diaries of a Masturbator Hunter

November 11, 2014 27

As a member of the Anti-masturbation neighborhood watch in my community, it is my duty to watch all the houses in our neighborhood for potential self-rapists. I am in charge(Self-promoted) of making sure that people […]

Brother Lonnie Saves Flight From Terrorist Attack

September 26, 2014 35

In a scene straight out of a Hollywood script, Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs saved everyone aboard a Virgin Airlines flight to Los Angeles from a self-rape terrorist attack by notorious masturbater Doug Adams with the […]

Hands-on Method to Detect Self-Rape

September 23, 2014 6

Hey there Normals of the faithful flock!  Do you fear handshakes in public because masturbators with their spooge-covered hands are all around us?  Are you tired of constantly doing moisture checks on your SRAS to […]

New Test For Parents To Detect Masturbation

September 17, 2014 67

Faith Scientists, working in conjunction with Faith Healers and Faith Physicians, have succeeded in making an accurate, over the counter test for parents to detect masturbation activities in their children. The new test, called F.A.P. […]

Tina’s Law and Your Tax Dollars at Work

September 16, 2014 5

As fellow Christians and believers in Brother Lonnie’s divinity you are well aware that South Dakota recently passed Tina’s Law which bans masturbation and dangerous interracial coupling. Many of the naysayers have asked how can […]

Texas Worker Fired For Pizzabation

September 16, 2014 4

GEORGETOWN TEXAS-(SMNNN) An 18-year-old pizza store employee in Texas has been charged with a felony after police say he rubbed his genitals on food he was preparing for a customer. The Georgetown Police Department arrested […]

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