Is Masturbation Destroying The Climate?

January 6, 2016 36


A chilling result of a study, released by Brother Lonnie’s University of Faithfacts, and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, entitled: “Masturbation Residue And It’s Effects On The Global Climate “ outlines the direct impact of the masturbator and it’s filth, on the peaceful, God-fearing innocent peoples of the world, and all of God’s creation.

MRFP at 100X magnifications

The Masturbation Residue Film Particle, or MRFP, is the pollutant that clogs both air and water, and has been proven to […]

Saint-Shaming is NOT Okay

October 28, 2015 6

Once upon a time, our white-male-cis-hetero Forefathers were instructed by God to construct a vessel of righteousness and flee the wicked and perverse generation of the Church of England. Anglicans had legalized marijuana and masturbation, thereby ushering in the long decline of Western civilization. The Puritans and/or Pilgrims sought to separate themselves from the cancer which had overtaken their homeland and worship the Judeo-Christian deity in peace and freedom, unmolested by their liberal countrymen who forced their godless agenda deep […]

Rain in Washington D.C. Thought To Be God’s Tears Following Landmark Decision To Allow Gay Marriage

June 27, 2015 19

SMNNN (WASHINGTON D.C.) reports rain and thunderstorms in the Washington D.C. today, following the landmark decision by the Supreme Court to recognize gay homosex marriage and queerosexual unions, and to disobey the Lord and his holy wishes, ultimately ushering in the Rapture, signifying the beginning of the end of the world as we know it.

The rain and thunder were said by local Lonvidians to be “a sure sign of (the rapture)” and “probably ( the tears of a weeping God, […]

Top Five Cultures To Go Extinct From Masturbation

May 20, 2015 10


Throughout the 8,400 years man and the entire world has existed, many nations rose from self-sin, and shamed creation, and rightfully so, became extinct.

Here is a list of the top five cultures of people to extinct from masturbation:


China, largest nation in the Ornament, is not entirely backwards these days, and even produces a decent scooter, and many affordable Android Based Lonniepop(tm) faith-based tablets. But that probably wouldn’t have happened if the horseophiles of Mongolia had succeeded in self-raping, […]

19-Year-Old Girl Drowns Masturbating In Shower

December 4, 2014 36

19-Year-Old Becky Hawkins of Pink Hill, North Carolina met the same fate that befalls 100% of all masturbators when she died committing the sin of self-rape in her shower. Hawkins, overcome by the throes of committing a deviant act with a removable showerhead, was found dead by her roommate, Jack Phillips, also of Pink Hill, North Carolina. The local medical examiner has ruled that Ms. Hawkins’s death was caused by drowning.

Faith Scientist, Dr. Keith Fitzgerald, of the Foundation For A […]

Top Five Animals In Danger Of Extinction Due To Masturbation

November 17, 2014 6


Masturbation, and the dreaded Masturbation Residue Film Particles (MRFPs) endanger all living things, but some animal and species are in danger of going the way of the Great Normal Rhinoceros and the giraffe, and becoming extinct from masturbation.

Here is a list of the most endangered animals:


The great normal shark has long dominated the Earth’s one sea, and was once thought unstoppable. But heathen sinners took to masturbating in the sea, creating undue amounts of […]

Pre-Coming Of The Apocalypse May Have Already Begun

November 16, 2014 3


The End of Days maybe be upon us all, thus ringing in the beginning of the Rapture, and it all centers on one small city in the forgotten state of Connecticut.

Waterbury CT, a small and once-cursed by Native Tee-Pee and Wigwam Indians to be an uninhabitable area, inhabited by violent, indigenous, water-demons, city, made national news when a non-normal man, high on the salts and cracked cocaines, committed a public act of dog-masturbation, while proclaiming he was infected […]

Top Five Animals To Go Extinct From Masturbation

November 8, 2014 27


Throughout the approximately 8,500 years the world has existed, many animals have gone extinct, but only a few notable animals have gone extinct from masturbation.

Here’s a list of the top five:

1) The Tasmanian Tiger.

The thylacine was the first large cat to go extinct from masturbation

2) The Great Normal Rhinoceros

Though his name suggests he is a great beast, the Great Normal Rhinoceros became extinct because of hornplay and masturbation.

3) The Do-Do Bird

Like seriously, do we even have to explain how […]

Inanimate Object Rape Intesifies as EbolAIDS Becomes Airborne

October 14, 2014 8


Faithscientists suspect EbolAIDS, the most dangerous masturbation-spread and homogayest of diseases, has possibly become airborne, as they predicted it would, following two cases of inanimate object rape, a sexual act so disgusting it would require one to be in the fatal stages of the Airborne EbolAIDS to even contemplate committing.

One such case involved a 33 year old woman in Seattle who was so far gone in her viral dementia, that she raped a perfectly innocent lawn […]

EbolAIDS Outbreak Begins

October 10, 2014 15

The Gulf Region USA- Somewhere in Africa or maybe Asia- (SMNNN)

Officials at B.L.U.F.F. microorganism/viral weaponry division, and the at least one capable person at The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, have declared the the dreaded homogay-induced virus Bad AIDS has mutated, and become the gay upon the proven masturbatory Ebola virus, producing the super hybrid EbolAIDS, the first confirmed disease to be gay, masturbatory, and fatal, which could become airborne, and ultimately kill every human on Earth or even worse.

The […]

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