Won’t You Please Help?

September 2, 2015 18

For immediate release: “My brothers and sisters…I, Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, having fought the scourge of masturbation for decades now must come to you in our most desperate hour.  The 30% tithe of their gross income […]

Masturbation Made Illegal In All 50 States

July 7, 2015 19

The scourge of masturbation is now on its death throes as the efforts of Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs and a recent decision by the Supreme Court has made “Tina’s Law” mandatory in all 50 states. […]

Lonnie is Homo With the Father

October 21, 2014 15

WARNING: TL;DR The Father is homo with the Son. The Son is homo with the Bird. The Bird is the Word. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the […]

Tina’s Law and Your Tax Dollars at Work

September 16, 2014 5

As fellow Christians and believers in Brother Lonnie’s divinity you are well aware that South Dakota recently passed Tina’s Law which bans masturbation and dangerous interracial coupling. Many of the naysayers have asked how can […]

Tina’s Law Passed in South Dakota

July 23, 2014 25

As part of STOP Masturation NOW’s ongoing mission to eradicate masturbation, Lonnie Childs has sponsored legislature in 18 of the 50 states to make masturbation illegal. Tina’s Law (named after black pop singing sensation Tina […]