David Bowie Dead Of Cancer

January 11, 2016 52

ENGLAND, PROBABLY, MAYBE SCOTLAND (SMNNN) Horrible androgen Martian-spider/human hybrid Sex-goblin rockpop icon, and profuse masturbator David Bowie succumbed to various masturbation related cancers today, he was 69 years old. Bowie, long an androgynous mess of […]

Fappy Sentenced To Eight Years Imprisonment

December 2, 2015 9

SAFFORD AZ (SMNNN) Paul Horner, the man inside the Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin furry mascot suit has been sentenced to eight years in federal prison following his arrest for accosting sea-animals at Sea World aquarium. […]

Masturbators Catfished By SexBot at SBSW Festival!

March 17, 2015 4

Flock, it has come to my attention that a rather significant secular music festival, South By Southwest (SBSW), is currently taking place in Austin, Massachusetts.  Like any festival, desperate masturbators looking for self-rape material are […]

Keith Olbermann Goes Into Masturbation Rage

February 24, 2015 4

(StopMasturbationNow)—ESPN television host and frequent job changer Keith Olbermann suffered a masturbation induced rage episode where he attacked Penn State University students who raised money to fight pediatric cancer. The shameful incident happened Sunday night […]

Arizona Pastor Jailed for Feeding Homeless

February 13, 2015 5

PHOENIX, ARIZ. — In a fiery press conference, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio angrily defended the arrest of Pastor Lonnie Childs at his mobile soup kitchen outside a Phoenix homeless shelter. On Saturday evening, the […]

Will Farrell Shows Obama 2 Girls 1 Can

January 28, 2015 6

(StopMasturbationNow)—Obama is a terrible president. No wonder he can be found here laughing at the grotesque film “2 girls 1 can” on an Macintosh ipad. Will Farrell is best known for starring in the Vacation […]

Shia Labeouf Self-Raped at Art Exhibit

November 29, 2014 8

Los Angelos, CA- (SMNN) Actor Shia Labeouf, known for movies such as Even Stevens and Transformings 4: Rise of The Batman, told pretty much anyone who would listen, that he was a victim of self-rape […]

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