Weather

The Chelyabinsk meteor injured many people.

Girl Killed by Meteor Strike While Masturbating

Chelyabinsk, Russian Communist C.C.C.P (SMNN) Thanks to a huge out-pouring of public information, B.L.U.F.F and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow’s informational staff have found evidence that a 16-year-old female was killed by a meteorite impact, while masturbating outside, during the Chelyabinsk Meteor Incident in February of 2013. Magda Leshniac […]

by July 25, 2014 42 comments Death, Foreigners, Science, Spot a Masturbator, Weather, World
Whoa! Would you get a load of that sinkhole?

Siberian Village Lost Due To Asian Masturbation’s Impact On Global Environment

SIBERIA- COMMUNIST U.S.S.R C.C.C.P (SMNNN) An entire village in Siberia has been swallowed into a huge crater, and masturbation is definitely the cause, leading Faithscientists say. Leading Faithclimatetologist, Dr Skippy Enis, recently involved in an atomic meltdown explosion at B.L.U.F.F Graphcenter , and fresh from life saving surgery, explains the […]

The Environmental Impact of Masturbation

The Environmental Impact of Masturbation

  It’s common knowledge that masturbation turns ordinary people into criminals and perfectly healthy people into Stephen Hawking. But what about our planet? Is the Earth feeling the sting of masturbation?   Your average masturbator burns between 50 to 150 calories with every masturbation session, depending on factors such as: […]

by July 18, 2014 117 comments Morals, Science, Weather, World
17 Year Old Girl Struck by Lightning While Masturbating

17 Year Old Girl Struck by Lightning While Masturbating

(Stop Masturbation Now)— There is nothing more disgusting than the thought of a teenage girl touching herself. Well… nature agrees too. Jennifer Connery of Hoagland Nebraska was struck by lightning this past Tuesday while masturbating outside behind a tree. “We don’t let our kids masturbate in the home for this […]

by July 17, 2014 1,025 comments Weather
Breaking News: Masturbation Caused 6.8 Earthquake Strikes Fukushima Japan, Tsunami Warning Issued

Breaking News: Masturbation Caused 6.8 Earthquake Strikes Fukushima Japan, Tsunami Warning Issued

(Stop Masturbation Now)— A 6.8-magnitude earthquake early Saturday struck offshore not far from Fukushima, Japan — the epicenter of a nuclear crisis following a massive 2011 earthquake and tsunami — the Japan Meteorological Agency reported. Earthquakes are caused when semen from masturbation flows into the oceans and wiggles into cracks […]

Ancient Rome Destoyed by Masturbators, Says New Faithscientific Evidence

Ancient Rome Destoyed by Masturbators, Says New Faithscientific Evidence

ROME- ITALY (European Mexico) SMNNN New archeological evidence suggests masturbation to be the cause of the collapse of the Roman/Byzantine Sodomite empire, says Dr Garbanzo, head doctor of Faithscience In Regards To Ancient Sodomites, who has been excavating various volcanic sites around the island of Stromboli in the Mediterranean. Dr […]

by July 2, 2014 17 comments Foreigners, Morals, Weather, World
New Computer Simulation  Shows Masturbation Related Super-Natural Disasters Likey to be 400% Greater in 2015

New Computer Simulation Shows Masturbation Related Super-Natural Disasters Likey to be 400% Greater in 2015

WATERTOWN-CT (SMNNN) Using the same supercomputer used to predict the 400% increase in natural disasters in 2015, the same leading faithscientists have announced they have run another simulation, which this time also predicts a 400% rise in super-natural disasters. The super-computer, which was comprised of twelve F-Drive ( dominant faith-based […]

by June 15, 2014 6 comments Weather, World
Faithscience Predicts Masturbation Will Cause Natural Disasters 400% More Than Nature Will in 2015

Faithscience Predicts Masturbation Will Cause Natural Disasters 400% More Than Nature Will in 2015

-WATERTOWN CT Using a network of B.L.U.F.F Co. F-Drives (dominate faith-based video gaming system in the U.S.A. market) leading Faithscientists have run a comprehensive mathematical simulation which shows masturbation to be the greatest ecological concern of mankind in 2015. Over twelve F-Drive systems were networked via coaxial cables. Working as […]

by June 13, 2014 8 comments Weather
Breaking News: Portland Oregon Water Contaminated With Semen… Thousands at Risk

Breaking News: Portland Oregon Water Contaminated With Semen… Thousands at Risk

(StopMasturbationNOW)— About 670,000 residents in Oregon were advised Friday to boil drinking water after several tests showed semen in some water samples, the Portland Water Bureau said. Hipsters masturbating in the towns mountainous reservoirs is most likely the cause. Masturbation is one of the fastest methods for spreading disease.   […]

by May 23, 2014 5 comments Weather
Masturbator Unleashes Firenado!

Masturbator Unleashes Firenado!

(StopMasturbationNOW)— This morning a Florida man was masturbating when the friction of him touching his sinstick caused a firenado. As we know masturbation is wrong and the wages of self-rape are death. Please remember to help work to make masturbation illegal.

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