Siberian Village Lost Due To Asian Masturbation’s Impact On Global Environment

July 24, 2014 26


An entire village in Siberia has been swallowed into a huge crater, and masturbation is definitely the cause, leading Faithscientists say.

Leading Faithclimatetologist, Dr Skippy Enis, recently involved in an atomic meltdown explosion at B.L.U.F.F Graphcenter , and fresh from life saving surgery, explains the situation in a phone interview from the recovery room of St. Lonald Hospital: ” Huh? Y’all here again? Y’all have homes? Seriously, do y’all ever go home? ” Said Dr Enis. ” […]

The Environmental Impact of Masturbation

July 18, 2014 113


It’s common knowledge that masturbation turns ordinary people into criminals and perfectly healthy people into Stephen Hawking. But what about our planet? Is the Earth feeling the sting of masturbation?


Your average masturbator burns between 50 to 150 calories with every masturbation session, depending on factors such as: height, weight, gender, race, sexual orientation, and political affiliation. The calories used for masturbation increases with every repeated masturbation episode. To put that into perspective, a whole potato or a hotdog has around […]

17 Year Old Girl Struck by Lightning While Masturbating

July 17, 2014 1007

Unrelated Photo?

(Stop Masturbation Now)— There is nothing more disgusting than the thought of a teenage girl touching herself. Well… nature agrees too. Jennifer Connery of Hoagland Nebraska was struck by lightning this past Tuesday while masturbating outside behind a tree. “We don’t let our kids masturbate in the home for this very reason so I guess she had to sneak out side” embarrassed father Winston Connery was quoted as saying when contacted.

According to medical experts the moisture between her genitals […]

Breaking News: Masturbation Caused 6.8 Earthquake Strikes Fukushima Japan, Tsunami Warning Issued

July 11, 2014 16

(Stop Masturbation Now)— A 6.8-magnitude earthquake early Saturday struck offshore not far from Fukushima, Japan — the epicenter of a nuclear crisis following a massive 2011 earthquake and tsunami — the Japan Meteorological Agency reported.

Earthquakes are caused when semen from masturbation flows into the oceans and wiggles into cracks in the seafloor thus causing the earth’s crust to shift.

Japan Meteorological Agency agency also issued a tsunami warning for the Pacific coast in the region of Tohoku.

Tsunami advisories were issued for […]

Atmospheric Masturbatory Residue at Unsafe Levels

July 3, 2014 47

B.L.U.F.F. AZ – The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow, along with NASA, has determined that self rape residues in the atmosphere are at unsafe levels in many areas of the United States.

The FFBT and NASA, as part of a joint taxpayer funded coalition, has been measuring the levels of masturbation particulates, semen droplets, and pubic dust in the atmosphere for the past ten years using orbiting satellite technology and data collection standards. Historical records have shown that self rape residue […]

Ancient Rome Destoyed by Masturbators, Says New Faithscientific Evidence

July 2, 2014 17

Ruins of the once almost-great race of Ancient Roman Sodomites.

ROME- ITALY (European Mexico) SMNNN

New archeological evidence suggests masturbation to be the cause of the collapse of the Roman/Byzantine Sodomite empire, says Dr Garbanzo, head doctor of Faithscience In Regards To Ancient Sodomites, who has been excavating various volcanic sites around the island of Stromboli in the Mediterranean.

Aside from horrible Italians, the island of Stromboli is home to a delicious dish named after the island.

Dr Garbanzo, much admired faitharcheologist, had long […]

New Computer Simulation Shows Masturbation Related Super-Natural Disasters Likey to be 400% Greater in 2015

June 15, 2014 6

Sometime in 2015, if masturbation continues..
Preparedness is key…
I’m a hungry, hungry boy!

WATERTOWN-CT (SMNNN) Using the same supercomputer used to predict the 400% increase in natural disasters in 2015, the same leading faithscientists have announced they have run another simulation, which this time also predicts a 400% rise in super-natural disasters.

The super-computer, which was comprised of twelve F-Drive ( dominant faith-based video gaming system) units, recently received an upgrade of 2kb of computational power, breaking it’s own record, and remaining the […]

Faithscience Predicts Masturbation Will Cause Natural Disasters 400% More Than Nature Will in 2015

June 13, 2014 8

Terrible volcanoes like this could be typical.
Could masturbation-induced nuclear earthquake tsunamis, like this one that stuck Japan and destroyed the Ornament ,happen to places where normals live?


Using a network of B.L.U.F.F Co. F-Drives (dominate faith-based video gaming system in the U.S.A. market) leading Faithscientists have run a comprehensive mathematical simulation which shows masturbation to be the greatest ecological concern of mankind in 2015.

Over twelve F-Drive systems were networked via coaxial cables. Working as one unit, the massive network was […]

Breaking News: Portland Oregon Water Contaminated With Semen… Thousands at Risk

May 23, 2014 4

(StopMasturbationNOW)— About 670,000 residents in Oregon were advised Friday to boil drinking water after several tests showed semen in some water samples, the Portland Water Bureau said.

Hipsters masturbating in the towns mountainous reservoirs is most likely the cause. Masturbation is one of the fastest methods for spreading disease.


The boil water advisory is issued to about 670,000 customers in the Portland Water Bureau and the Burlington, City of Gresham (north of Interstate 84), Lake Grove, Lorna Portland Water, Palatine Hill, Rockwood, […]

Masturbator Unleashes Firenado!

May 9, 2014 8

(StopMasturbationNOW)— This morning a Florida man was masturbating when the friction of him touching his sinstick caused a firenado. As we know masturbation is wrong and the wages of self-rape are death. Please remember to help work to make masturbation

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