EbolAIDS Outbreak Begins

October 10, 2014 15

The Gulf Region USA- Somewhere in Africa or maybe Asia- (SMNNN) Officials at B.L.U.F.F. microorganism/viral weaponry division, and the at least one capable person at The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, have declared the the […]

Eric Holder Resigns Ahead of Looming Masturbation Scandal

September 29, 2014 6

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Disgraced U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder, the nation’s so-called “top cop” and chief legal adviser to President Barack Obama, has announced his imminent resignation as new revelations about the Justice Department’s secretive […]

Masturbation Causes Ocean Holes

September 11, 2014 7

The Ocean-(SMNN) We here at Stop Masturbation Now are, as always, on top of all environmental damages caused by masturbation’s deadly residue, masturbation residue film particles. MFRPs have been proven to cause all manner of […]

Masturbation Poisons Groundwater

September 10, 2014 2

Danvers ME-(SMNNN) Elementary school students of Danvers, Maine have tested at an all-time low, and masturbation is to blame, say new studies done by B.L.U.F.F. Aqua-management Surveying Division. Masturbation Film Residue Particles, or MFRPs, as […]

Masturbation Triggered Japasian Landslides

August 25, 2014 26

HIROSHIMA, Japasia – The devastating landslides that rocked Japasia and caused numerous deaths and billions of yen worth of property damage were determined to have been triggered by massive and furious masturbation, according to scientists […]

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