3 Albums With A Secret Anti-Masturbation Agenda


I previously discussed popular songs that had a committed message of anti-masturbation; even more rare, however, is the anti-masturbation concept album. There have been several over the years and I’m going to detail three today. Well, more like two and one that started out that way before a defection of a member from a BLUFF compound and Big Masturbation ruined it.

As these albums HAVE all been altered somewhat by Big Masturbation censors in the music industry, LISTEN TO THE LINKED VIDEOS AT YOUR OWN RISK OF DAMNATION. 

3. Styx – Kilroy Was Here

American rock band, Tradewinds, started out as a religious garage band in the 1960s. Founding member, Chuck Panozzo, left the band briefly to attend seminary school in 1963 as religion was so important him. By the early 1970s, the band was finding little success in the religious hard rock genre and decided to change up their name and sound a bit. They accomplished this by settling on the name “Styx” and morphing their sound to favor the more standard drugged out “injected ellisdee” style of 1970s music. Styx continued to try and sneak their religious messages into songs at times; with it backfiring massively in one instance. Their anti-drug anthem, ‘Snowblind’, was met with accusation that they intentionally put Satanic messages in the song. Disgusted by Big Masturbation trying to shame them, Styx decided it was time to really go back to their religious roots.

Satan (pictured), dark lord of music played backwards.

1983’s “Kilroy Was Here” was more than a concept album; it was a rock opera based around exposing the stranglehold that Big Masturbation had on the music industry. Styx, religious band that they were, went about this smart and buried the message in metaphor, but even the average Lonvidian can read between the lines. The album is set in a dystopian future where Big Masturbation has a leader called “Dr. Righteous” and all “rockstars” (aka – anti-masturbation advocates) are put into prison for not masturbating constantly. The prisoners are watched over by automatons called “robotos” that are analogous to the common zombified non-normal masturbator.

If you want a vision of the future, imagine Lonnie’s boot stamping on this face – forever.

The songs themselves contain lyrics that vaguely allude to these themes; especially the song “Heavy Metal Poisoning” that mocks the Big Masturbation funded “satanic messages” campaign. Styx, geniuses that they were, put in backwards speech of sections of the Declaration of Independence to just throw it back in the face of Big Masturbation. Of course, the average masturbator never was the wiser. Big Masturbation figured out the metaphor a few months after the release of ‘Kilroy Was Here’ but it was too late as Styx had essentially dropped the mic and left the stage by breaking up the band.

Dropped Mic
Better luck next time, Big Masturbation.

2. Nine Inch Nails – The Downward Spiral

Nine Inch Nails was formed in 1988 by Trent Reznor, a distant relative of the BLUFF campound’s own Reznor family. Reznor’s first album, ‘Pretty Hate Machine’ was released to a decent amount of fanfare. A relatively unfocused work, Reznor blended electronics with a more updated rock sound. Content wise it reflected his family’s traditional values of rebelling against Big Masturbation (specifically in the song ‘Head Like A Hole’) but also delved into the overly dramatic emo side of things (‘Something I Can Never Have’) and outright appealing to the sexually deviant non-normal (‘The Only Time’).

Great Reznors
Three great Reznors; (left to right) Jacob, Bono, Trent.

Reznor followed up with an EP called ‘Broken’ and this is where things really went off the rails. By this time Reznor, due to the success of ‘Pretty Hate Machine’, was knee-deep in the mire of drugs, masturbation and anonymous sex with Big Masturbation operatives. ‘Broken’ featured a few tracks that were clearly a cry for help from Reznor (‘Help Me I Am In Hell’, ‘Gave Up’) but the EP was mainly sin-fueled hard rock music. The first sign in this period that Reznor was beginning to rebel against his Big Masturbation handlers was the ‘Happiness In Slavery’ video. The obviously sarcastically titled video depicted a man masturbating himself to death. Big Masturbation rejected it outright as the video showed proof of a Lonnie Childs Faith Fact. The video was then banned for “Extreme Violence” and “Nudity” much like the typical photo uploaded by a Lonvidian is banned on Facebook’s netsite.

Censored by Big Masturbation
Yet another of Lonnie’s Faith Facts censored by Big Masturbation.

Reznor, seeking an escape from the Hell he was living through thanks to Big Masturbation, decided to do something radical with his next album. Reznor relocated to Los Angeles and began writing what would become ‘The Downward Spiral’. The album was then recorded in the house where, in 1969, masturbators had forced the hand of religious icon and charismatic everyman, Charles Manson, in order to capture the right vibe. ‘TDS’ documents the downfall of a man who has given into the false promises of Big Masturbation and seeks salvation by apologizing to Lonnie Childs and begging for his forgiveness. Viewed as a ‘metaphor for drug abuse’ by the unwashed masses; Lonvidians knew what was up as they always do.

Lonvidian - Charles Manson
President of the Spahn Ranch BLUFF Campound  (1968 – 1969)

The album’s finale, “Hurt” is Reznor’s literal apology to Lonnie Childs shown in the lines “what have I become?/my sweetest friend” and “I will let you down/I will make you hurt”. Again, the non-normals and mainstream masturbators out there thought this was about Trent’s drug abuse and that ‘Hurt’ was a song about suicide. Quite clearly that is not the case as evidenced by the final lines, “If I could start again / a million miles away / I would keep myself / I would find a way” – a coded cry for him to be rescued and taken to BLUFF for detoxification and rehabilitation. Considering five years passed before Reznor released another album, one can assume much of that time was spent with his family at BLUFF. Additionally, noted Lonvidian, Johnny Cash included a cover of ‘Hurt’ on his album American IV: Lonnie Childs Comes Around (retitled by Big Masturbation to “American IV: The Man Comes Around”).

Lonnie Childs / Trent Reznor
Lonnie Childs welcomes Trent Reznor to BLUFF (dramatization)


1. Lorde – Pure Heroine

Lorde released her first album, ‘Pure Heroine’ in September 2013. Sister Ethel Thomas, SRAS to Brother Earl Thomas, went AWOL in March 2013. Interesting. Various lesser gendered members of the campound have told me about Sister Ethel and her silly dreams to be “a music star”. Brother Earl was not too happy about this so she tried to keep it hidden from him and the other Brothers. However, many of the lesser gendered members have admitted enjoying Sister Ethel’s songs while spending their allotted time in the Menstrual Hut on the BLUFF campound. She even wrote a song about spending time in the Menstrual Hut with her fellow lesser gendered Sisters called ‘Menstrual Hut’, but we’ll get to that in a moment.

Menstrual Hut
“We’re so happy, even when we’re smilin’ out of fear. Let’s go down to the Menstrual Hut, and talk it up like yeah.” – Sister Ethel

After hearing about Sister Ethel’s various songs she wrote on the campound and comparing them to about one half of Lorde’s “Pure Heroine” album, the likeness is uncanny. The previously mentioned “Menstrual Hut” song was just slightly tweaked changing the title and subject to “Tennis Court”; which renders the song as unintelligible as most pop music. Another example is the song “Royals” which, while on the campound was called “Normals” and mocked non-normals. “Normals” was written from the perspective of a non-normal deviant who is proud of their mudblood heritage and featured the lines “And we’re never be normals / it don’t run in our blood.” Likewise, “Ribs” and “400 Lux” are Big Masturbation altered versions of songs Sister Ethel wrote while on the campound. “Glory and Gore” was left unchanged, for some reason, and remains in it’s original form as an anthem telling the virtues of life at the campound.

Sister Ethel
Sister Ethel after Big Masturbation tarted her up and gave her the slave name “Lorde”.

The rest of “Pure Heroine” was clearly written after Sister Ethel was firmly in Big Masturbation’s clutches. “Still Sane” is an uninteresting dive into the life of a Big Masturbation pop singer, “Buzzcut Season” is filled with thinly veiled shots directed at BLUFF and “A World Alone” was clearly written by her handlers in an effort to empower her. The real insult, however, is the song “White Teeth Teens”. The original version of this featured the same content, teen girls “getting the glow in their mouth”, just like what happens often on the campound. Sister Ethel, or ‘Lorde’ (whatever), even claims she “wore the robe like no one could” which was also true as she was a talented member of the Sisterhood. However, she then completely denies her past as a “White Teeth Teen” claiming that she never was one. I haven’t seen them but I’ve been told by several of the Brothers that detailed sketches exist proving that Sister Ethel was in fact a “White Teeth Teen” and got “the glow” in her mouth very regularly. Despite it’s original anti-masturbation and pro-BLUFF overtones, Big Masturbation really ruined this album with the tweaks it made. But, what else would one expect for someone who would be judged for treason should she ever return to the campound.

We’re not kidding. – BLUFF Staff


About Cathy Redmond 104 Articles
Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

21 Comments on 3 Albums With A Secret Anti-Masturbation Agenda

  1. Just the term 9 inch nails is strange. What kind of dimensional lumber are they joining? It seems irresponsibly long. Anything longer than a 5 inch nail is usually a waste and unusable.

  2. I noticed my children grabbing at their crotches while listening to music with their head phones on??? I’m checking their playlists!!! Thanks for the info. Praise!!

    • Then take Michael Jackson ou of your kids mp3 players. He grabbed a lot of crotches. Excuse me while I listen to Nine Inch Nails ‘Closer’. What a load of bullshit!

      • while the music of Michael Jackson, makes me personally, physically sick, he did at least become a normal man at the end of days. this has to count for something. thanks for the suggestion though!!! 🙂

  3. Thanks for including Jacob and I in your article, Sister Cathy. It was a very emotional time when we got to try and help our blood brother, Trent. It worked for a little while, but as you can probably see he’s been back on that dark path again the past few years.

  4. Just so you guys know nine inch nails and their traditional values have a song called “I want to fuck you like an animal” that’s straight up beastiality arnt you suppose to be against that? I’ll take a wank over fucking an animal any day!!

    • For the love of Lonnie, what are you talking about? Nobody here is fornicating with animals apart from you!

      • Truffle, the song “char” is referring to is actually called ‘Closer’ and it details the experiences Brother Trent had witnessing unspeakable acts committed backstage at his music concerts by agents of Big Masturbation. This person is taking the song literally and is missing the metaphor Brother Trent was speaking through. Also, they clearly did not read the article, for if they did they would have learned the faith fact that “The Downward Spiral” is an album denouncing the horrid things Brother Trent experienced while under the control of the masturbation funded music industry in the early 1990s.


        • Really?? Truffle accusing me of fornicating with animals and all this!! So some guy watched his band mates fuck animals and went that seems like an amazing song! Kinda fucked up!! And in defense of masturbation and all that I toss off like crazy have a lot of pre marital sex and even smoke cannabis!! I have a master’s degree in forensic science and an incredibly good government job I am far from fucked up and rarely force my beliefs down other people’s throats!! Also wanna say pick up a history book Christians have been raping the world over for a thousand years!! Can I get an amen!!!

          • I don’t think you’ll get an ‘amen’ here. Maybe a praise (lowercase p) if you start to show signs that you’re heading down the correct path. But at least Truffle has no reason to believe you are on that path yet. Brother Trent didn’t think anything on ‘The Downward Spiral’ was amazing. It was a dark time for him and he was attempting to expose the corruption and deviant nature of the music industry as well as detail the mistakes he had made in his own life.

            The only history book we need, we have – the King Lonald Holy Bible.

          • I met my fifth cousin, twice removed’s band mates and it WAS NOT THEM DOING THE DEEDS. As the faith fact filled article states, it was agents of the masturbation special interest groups that hang around backstage at these concerts do horrible things to fans who get passes to go backstage. Trent was just trying to pull back the curtain and show the world how depraved the entertainment industry is. No one, not a single person here, has advocated animal fornification.

  5. I never thought he was talking about fornicating with animals anyway. I always felt that song was about the joys of marital rough procreation. to me the key word in the lyrics is “like” but what do I know, I never paid attention in school. 😀

  6. The bible is not and will never be recognised as a history book it was written by Romans hundreds of years after Jesus was meant to have lived and most Romans slaughtered Christians for shits and giggles!!! If you want music you should ban then defiantly do tenacious d! Your heads would explode!!!!!!

    • The King Lonald Holy Bible is in faith fact a licensed history book. No Christians were harmed during the writing of the King Lonald Holy Bible and it was written by Lonald Childs. Not Roman Childs.

      Also, this article was showcasing music albums that are anti-masturbation. While I may not agree with a lot of the language that Brother Trent and the Brothers Styx use in their lyrics – their underlying message was admirable. I have no idea what tenacious d is but it sounds horrible.

6 Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Music Misconduct: Styx – Kilroy Was Here (1983) - Conservative Cathy
  2. Music Misconduct: Nine Inch Nails – The Downward Spiral - Conservative Cathy
  3. Music Misconduct: Lorde – Pure Heroine (2013) - Conservative Cathy
  4. Music Misconduct: Styx – Kilroy Was Here (1983) - Conservative Cathy
  5. Music Misconduct: Nine Inch Nails – The Downward Spiral (1994) - Conservative Cathy
  6. Music Misconduct: Lorde – Pure Heroine (2013) - Conservative Cathy

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