Typically, when lazy Hollywood filmmakers need something shocking to add to their film, they’ll add explosions, kill off one of their actors or introduce fake characters via digital technology. More refined filmmakers have been known to prey on the fears of morality by including shocking sexual and masturbatory scenes in their documentaries. Today, I’m going to discuss three such incidents of actual masturbation caught on film and used to great effect to show the downfall of the people committing the acts of self-rape.
TRIGGER WARNING – ACTUAL MASTURBATION IS SHOWN FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. I know it is disgusting and I will not be offended if you choose to have your browser not display images for this article. – Cathy R.
SPOILER ALERT – I discuss the plot of these documentaries. If you are not aware of these people and their lives, don’t get mad at me or Lonnie if something gets ruined for you. If you have read the faith facts on this netsite, however, you know what happens to all masturbators.
3. Bad Lieutenant
I reviewed this documentary on my site, but it’s definitely worth repeating here in this piece. Abel Ferrara’s 1992 documentary, “Bad Lieutenant” follows an actual New York police Lieutenant around while he does his police work, gambles, gets high and drinks heavily. It’s all very standard police activity until about halfway through the film.
The Lieutenant pulls over some underage girls for some sort of violation. Predictably, the girls give him the runaround and just when you think he’s going to arrest them, something horrible happens. He pulls out his little Lieutenant and masturbates all over the side of their car. He then leaves, I assume because subjecting these girls to his filthy act of self-rape is punishment enough. The girls are likely scarred for life because of this and it serves as an unfortunate cautionary tale that most police officers will self-rape in front of you if you pull over when instructed to.
Things end predictably for the Lieutenant. He goes to church, swears at Jesus and ends up getting shot and put out of his misery before the masturbation illnesses ravaging his body could take him. While I’d never advocate the showing of self-rape, it is at least used effectively. Also kudos for showing the true end for all masturbators; a horrible death.
2. American Beauty
1999’s “American Beauty ” pulls no punches and one of the first things we see is “everymasturbator”, Lester Burnham, defiling himself in the shower. He non-ironically refers to his self-rape as “the high point of his day”. That alone told me there was nothing to like about this film or this person. I fast-forwarded through a bunch of parts that seemed to tell this sad man’s tale. He appeared to have a family that didn’t like him, which makes sense since he commits self-rape on a daily basis. He then begins an obsession with an extremely young girl at his daughter’s school as many normal men tend to have happen to them in their forties.
I really failed to see the point of this documentary until near the end. For whatever reason, Burnham’s secretly homogay neighbor thinks Lester is having homogay relations with his son. Burnham’s neighbor confronts Lester by attempting to kiss him. After Lester rejects the neighbor’s homogay advances he ends up getting shot and killed by the homogay neighbor in act of, likely, homogay masturbatory rage. Again, the masturbation in this movie is appalling but goes to show you that if you masturbate, even once, your secretly homogay neighbor will attempt to kiss you and then murder you if you don’t reciprocate.
1. Black Swan
Black Swan, a 2010 documentary about homogay ballet dancers, also has a disgraceful female masturbation scene and features a female homogay sexual scene, hence it being #1 on this list and hence my refusal to watch it. I get what they are trying to say though, as Bing™ing the plot explains that main character apparently commits suicide for her masturbatory and homogay relational sins.
I’m not kidding. I didn’t watch this horrid documentary. I used the sinful search engine “Google”, found that moving image and the still image below of the masturbation scene and I was done with this documentary. The only salvageable thing about this film is the message that masturbation leads to homogay transgressions, homogay transgressions lead to depression, and depression leads to suicide.