Actor Tracy Morgan Critically Injured In Masturbation Related Accident

Tracy MorganWEST PALM BEACH, FLA (SMNNN) — A party bus driver has been formally charged in relation to an accident that has left popular actor Tracy Morgan in critical condition. Morgan, known for his popular comedy program “Key and Peele” was riding in a party bus driven by a Southeast Party Bus Inc. employee named John David. The bus was en route to Atlanta, Georgia when the accident occurred.

A spokesperson from the Florida Highway Patrol said that David claims he was distracted by “a massive masturbation orgy going on” in the rear of the party bus. He then “over-corrected on the steering wheel but lost control due to only having one free hand.” The party bus veered into oncoming traffic before swerving back and then rolled several times. The accident is being ruled as 100% driver error due to masturbation. David will potentially face manslaughter charges if the passenger pronounced dead at the scene is found to have died from the accident and not from masturbation. At press time it was not known when the final report from the medical examiner would be released to the public.

Morgan, 45, is in critical condition suffering injuries from the crash. Authorities have not yet determined if Morgan was involved in the masturbation festival on the bus or was doing outreach work trying to convert them. Three other passengers were taken to the hospital with masturbation induced injuries and one other passenger was taken due to injuries from the accident itself.

A spokesman for the local police department said the “investigation was ongoing” and it was “unknown yet” if Morgan would himself be facing charges if he were to recover as he is not yet cleared as a potential suspect in the distraction that led to the accident.

We at SMN will update this story as news becomes available; especially if Mr. Morgan becomes another sad casualty in the war against masturbation.

Cathy Redmond, reporting for


About Cathy Redmond 104 Articles
Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

7 Comments on Actor Tracy Morgan Critically Injured In Masturbation Related Accident

  1. Praying at the one person who was injured in the accident. Praying against the masturbators who got hurt coincidentally.

  2. Every time I watch “Key and Peele,” or hear “Fast Car,” I will pray especially for Mr. Morgan. So talented, yet torn asunder by the vice of masterbation.

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