Adam Richman’s New Show Banned After Anti-Masturbation Rant

Richman posted a photo of himself with both hands visible and the caption "I haven't masturbated in 9 months, Praise Lonnie."

LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. — (SMNNN) The star of the critically acclaimed television program Man vs. Food, had his new upcoming series, Man Stops Masturbating, “postponed indefinitely” after comments he made on a world wide web netsite called “Instagram”.

On the netsite, Richman posted a photo of himself with both hands visible and the caption “I haven’t masturbated in 9 months, Praise Lonnie.” He also added the hashtags #StopSatan2014 and #NotEvenOnce.

The photo that enraged thousands of masturbators.
The photo that enraged thousands of masturbators.

Predictably, the masturbators went wild spamming Richman’s post with comments about how much they were masturbating at that very moment. A few comments were clearly paid shills for Big Masturbation who claimed that Richman’s post “glorified negative views towards masturbation and other masturbatory practices”. However, the average comment said disparaging things about The Savior Lonnie Childs and told Richman how much they wanted to have forced non-procreational sexual relations with him.

The world wide web furor over this caught the attention of the Travel Channel who were set to air Richman’s new series. As they had not even inquired about the nature of his show, they learned it was not in fact about food but about the nine month trials and tribulations of Richman becoming masturbation free. The Travel Channel would not speak about their reasoning but clearly stated that “(The) Travel Channel is postponing the July 2nd series premiere of Man Stops Masturbating with Adam Richman.”

Richman attempted to plead his case on the public access program “Faith Today” on the Maquoketa Access Channel (Maquoketa, IA) but the FCC swooped in and had them removed from the air before Richman’s editorial could be ran.

Unfortunately, this is yet another example of Big Masturbation controlling what you see and hear on the television.

Cathy Redmond can be followed on The Twitter or liked on her Facebook Netpage.


About Cathy Redmond 104 Articles

Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

15 Comments on Adam Richman’s New Show Banned After Anti-Masturbation Rant

  1. What words of wisdom he may have imparted we will now never know, sadly.

    Big Masturbation has much to answer for by denying Richman’s brave and beautiful message of hope!


  2. This site is so wrong, those pictures are of Alan Rickman, also known as Professor Snape in the Harry Potter movies. Adam Richman is a young guy. This site needs to check its facts before spreading lies.

  3. You need to get your people straight…Alan Rickman was in Harry Potter and other films including Die Hard while ADAM Richman is the porker in Man vs Food.

  4. Is this real life, or is this site just fucking with people…. Funniest shit I’ve seen in a while
    P.s. Beat yo meat! it’s good for the soul

  5. Is this the new discrimination? Masturbaters and non-masturbaters? But yet the side Masturbaters isnt giving a shit or making a big deal like you phycos. Please stay out of our buisness and face the facts masturbating is good for you and there is no way it could be outlawed. P.S. I honestly hope this site is fake >.<

  6. You know I can’t deiced whether these guys are really great trolls, or just a bunch of really stupid,mental,and moronic idiots.

      • Nah, I think I’ve already figured it out. Anyone who posts and believes any of the content on this site need to get mental help and fast. Let me remind you that its because of people like you that make seriously consider converting to atheism.

    • Yeah this site is pretty funny, I’ve forwarded to a few people. Nikita is a pretty awesome troll, I’ve been on here for an hour just pissing myself. Your right, just great trolls. And they are absolutely doing more harm than good for faith, as people actually think this shit is real. So good job, good work is being done here 🙂

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