LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. — (SMNNN) The star of the critically acclaimed television program Man vs. Food, had his new upcoming series, Man Stops Masturbating, “postponed indefinitely” after comments he made on a world wide web netsite called “Instagram”.
On the netsite, Richman posted a photo of himself with both hands visible and the caption “I haven’t masturbated in 9 months, Praise Lonnie.” He also added the hashtags #StopSatan2014 and #NotEvenOnce.
Predictably, the masturbators went wild spamming Richman’s post with comments about how much they were masturbating at that very moment. A few comments were clearly paid shills for Big Masturbation who claimed that Richman’s post “glorified negative views towards masturbation and other masturbatory practices”. However, the average comment said disparaging things about The Savior Lonnie Childs and told Richman how much they wanted to have forced non-procreational sexual relations with him.
The world wide web furor over this caught the attention of the Travel Channel who were set to air Richman’s new series. As they had not even inquired about the nature of his show, they learned it was not in fact about food but about the nine month trials and tribulations of Richman becoming masturbation free. The Travel Channel would not speak about their reasoning but clearly stated that “(The) Travel Channel is postponing the July 2nd series premiere of Man Stops Masturbating with Adam Richman.”
Richman attempted to plead his case on the public access program “Faith Today” on the Maquoketa Access Channel (Maquoketa, IA) but the FCC swooped in and had them removed from the air before Richman’s editorial could be ran.
Unfortunately, this is yet another example of Big Masturbation controlling what you see and hear on the television.