BREAKING NEWS: Casey Kasem Hospitalized After Wife’s Bizarre Public Masturbation Incident

Broadcasting icon Casey Kasem has been taken by ambulance to a local hospital following an incident between his wife and daughter.

In the latest incident during a long family battle, Kasem’s wife Jean used a pound of hamburger meat as a masturbatory aid in front of his daughter from his first marriage, Kerri Kasem. Kerri, a staunch anti-masturbation activist confronted Jean, who then attempted to choke Kerri to death by shoving the soiled meat down her throat.

Casey Kasem called the authorities and when they arrived, Jean Kasem, 59, started to once again use the meat as a masturbatory aid. She was removed from the premises by force while continuing to try and masturbate with the remaining bits of meat on her hands.

“In the name of King Lonald, I defended my father against that masturbating heathen and she almost killed me for it.” Kerri Kasem said, according to sources.

Casey Kasem, recovering from a lifelong masturbation addiction himself, was shaken up by the incident. After Kerri gave a press conference on the teachings of Lonnie Childs, the paramedics were allowed to transport Casey Kasem to the hospital.

His condition isn’t known, but Kerri Kasem said in a recent interview that her father is suffering from many ailments due to his lifelong masturbation addiction.

Cathy Redmond, reporting for

About Cathy Redmond 104 Articles
Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

1 Comment on BREAKING NEWS: Casey Kasem Hospitalized After Wife’s Bizarre Public Masturbation Incident

  1. I shall be praying at the Kasem family during their time of strife. Nothing is as publicly humiliating as your wife plundering her biscuit for the world to see.

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