Duane “Dog The Bounty Hunter” Chapman To Track Down Known Masturbators

Chapman's first target is MMA fighter "War Machine"

Bounty Hunter

Celebrity bounty hunter Duane “Dog” Chapman issued a threat on social networking that he is “coming” for known masturbators. Chapman’s first target is MMA fighter “War Machine” who recently got in an altercation with his professional masturbator ex-girlfriend and an additional unnamed individual. Chapman gave Mr. Machine time to turn himself into authorities, which Mr. Machine has allegedly ignored so Chapman took to social networking to taunt Mr. Machine.

Dog Twitter

As of press time, Chapman was allegedly standing outside of Mr. Machine’s last known residence challenging him to come outside and fight one on one. It is unknown of Mr. Machine is actually inside the residence.

War Machine
War Machine. The worst kind of masturbator.

Chapman’s new calling to reign in reckless masturbators should come as no surprise. Back in 2008, Chapman’s own brother, Tim Chapman, was allegedly caught masturbating in public. Clearly, Duane Chapman has seen firsthand the destruction that masturbation can cause to an individual since it happened within his own immediate family.

About Cathy Redmond 104 Articles
Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

7 Comments on Duane “Dog The Bounty Hunter” Chapman To Track Down Known Masturbators

    • I am pretty sure masturbators have feelings too??
      That is sort of a generalised view. It is just like saying non masturbators don’t feel pain or Christians are called bob or something. It is good to not be narrowminded and think about things scientifically and realistically. Not your silly faith facts which science shows is wrong. Do you understand? It is completely unrealistic and also, in a world which revolves around science and is actually proven, unlike your faith facts which don’t show any evidence or proof of it existing *just like Jesus. We don’t really KNOW Jesus existed or did what he did. It was written in a book that was written thousands of years ago and was translated probably at least 10 times or whatever so it isn’t really truthful*
      Being a Christian *and a non mastubator* myself, I believe in science and Christianity. I think of the bible in an emotional sense, not taking it practically like you which is sort of outdated.
      But, live and let live.
      God bless.

  1. Chapman is going after war machine because he kicked the living shit out of his ex-girlfriend and for no reason other than that, it has nothing to do with masturbation. When asked if he new the profession of war machines ex-girlfriend, adult film star christy mack, he said and I quote ” I had no clue what her profession was and it doesn’t matter, the right Christian thing to do in this situation is to find this guy and put him to justice” end quote clearly chapman could care less about masturbation being right or wrong, he’s looking passed it and doing the real Christian thing here, bringing a cowardly woman beater to justice

    • Dude that’s so awesome, the Dog is a good guy even though it is his job, but when a man beats a woman and the man gets what’s coming for him, it makes me feel good inside

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