Edward Scissorhands: The Best Anti-Masturbation Documentary Ever Filmed

I recently had the pleasure of watching the anti-masturbation documentary film Edward Scissorhands  on the HBO.  It must drive liberal Hollywood crazy that a moral film such as this has become such a massive hit!  The creators of this uplifting, moral movie deserve to be recognized.  Sleazy Hollywood would never bestow any kind of award or additional attention on a film such as this on their own, so we must take to the streets!  Please contact the Academy of Motion Movies and implore them to nominate Jonathan Depp for the Oscar!


Academy of Motion Movies

8949 Wilshire Boulevard

Beverly Hills, California 90211

(310) 247-3000


God bless some of you!


About Lonnie Childs 48 Articles
Hello, my name is Lonald "Lonnie" Childs and I am the founder and president of the STOP Masturbation NOW anti-masturbation movement. Please visit my Facebook page here, https://www.facebook.com/LonnieSMN and my unaccredited institution of higher learning here, https://www.facebook.com/brotherlonnie
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10 Comments on Edward Scissorhands: The Best Anti-Masturbation Documentary Ever Filmed

  1. Edward Scissorhands is NOT about anti-masturbation, dumbass. Hell, if I wanted to I could make it about anything. It’s just a fun story, about being yourself.

  2. PearlB – I’m afraid that I have to disagree with you. This is not satire, those are FaithFactsTM. I believe in every single word of wisdom that comes from Loonie’s mouth and is revealed on this sacred webpage. Praise.

  3. It really is sad that Edward cannot masturbate… Because it’s part of normal growing up thing called the puberty, allthough he’s passed that part of his life already what makes that even more sad. By the way this whole website does not give young people a good way to look them selves as a sexual persons. Ps. Sorry about my texting, english is not my mother language.
    Pps. Take this as a provocation, i do not mind, because that’s what I want. People to overreact because of my good point.

  4. Actually, Edward Scissorhands had a dick made out of tungsten. So even he was OK with the occasional wank, though he had to be careful that the sparks didn’t ignite any flammable material nearby.

  5. You know, I think anyone would rather masturbate than have to live with hands made out of scissors and not be able to do ANYTHING ..maybe that’s just me.Also, he’s really sad for the entire time, I think at least one human hand would’ve drastically improved his life, especially you know, living alone in that abandoned house for so long..

  6. I found the movie very troubling. The women almost seem orgasmic when Edward cuts their hair. I fear their may be a subliminal sex message in this movie we’re all missing.

    It really should be banned worldwide.

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