LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. — (SMNNN) Brilliant actor and man’s man, Ryan Gosling, announced today that the filming of “The Notebook” wasn’t all sunshine and pink unicorns. In fact, Gosling admitted to VH1 rival, The Soundtrack Channel, that he wanted co-star Rachel McAdams “kicked off of set for her uncontrollable masturbation episodes”.
“Maybe I shouldn’t be saying this, but Praise Lonnie, it’s my duty. Rachel McAdams masturbated furiously on set from day one. Myself and (director) Nick Cassavetes tried everything we could think of to get her to stop but she flat out refused,” Gosling said. “At one point she’d been masturbating for over 150 minutes and I asked Nick to come over and told him, ‘Would you take her out of here and bring in another actress to read off-camera with me? I can’t. I can’t do it with her.'”
Director Cassavetes praised Gosling for his numerous attempts to confront McAdams about her apparent masturbation addiction. “We went into a room with a producer; she started screaming and yelling at Ryan about how it was ‘her life’ and he and his ‘crackpot religious mumbo jumbo’ needs to ‘just say away from her’. I walked out at that point,” Cassavetes said. “After about 90 minutes they emerged from the room. Ryan looked better and Rachel seemed less than pleased. I later learned Ryan spent 90 minutes reading to her from the King Lonald Holy Bible. Despite Rachel’s early reluctance, the only way the film was finished was due to Ryan having to constantly proselytize Rachel on a daily basis.”
Gosling hinted at this unrest once before in an interview with the Bertram Iowa Gazette where he stated, “She inspired the worst in me. She is a terrible person and despite my many efforts she continues to be an unrepentant masturbator to this day. It was a strange experience, making a film and not respecting your co-star in any way because of their incorrect life choices.”
McAdams and Gosling were later romantically linked in what Gosling called a “last ditch effort to save Rachel”, but that ended as horribly as one would expect. “The only thing I remember about the night we broke up for good was I’d just spent 96 straight hours reading from the King Lonald Holy Bible and she responded by masturbating back at me. It was at that point I new she was entirely a lost cause.”
The Notebook, a 4 minute animated film about a notebook coming to life when a child thinks about the anti-masturbation allegorical tale “The Empire Strikes Back” went on to win several costuming awards at a local Long Island, NY film festival in 2011.
Cathy Redmond, reporting for StopMasturbationNow.org.