Hollywood, CA – Leaked footage cut from the finished Left Behind, this year’s anticipated blockbuster Christian film from director Vic Armstrong and starring Nicolas Cage, apparently shows Cage masturbating for a full 12 minutes prior to the return of Jesus.
The books, written by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins, did not include such a scene, although the script writers of the film felt it was necessary in providing a way for the audience to know why Cage’s character was not ascending to heaven with the rest of the good christians.
“At first, when watching Brad Johnson’s portrayal of Ray Steele, we were confused about why exactly he had been left behind,” says Paul LaLonde, head writer for the new film. “He seemed like a decent person, and he does his best throughout the film – acting with mercy and love – so why would he be left behind? What sort of god forgets someone like that?”
“And then it came to us. For the new film, we needed to show WHY to our audience. In our opinion, that’s why the first film did so badly – other than the fact that Cameron just walked around looking confused most of the time without doing any real acting. So we had a guy on the set by the name of Lonnie Childs, who was handing out pamphlets and talking to the actors on the set. He knew the head gaffer or something. Anyway, we were discussing why such a good man would be denied the gates of Heaven, and Lonnie gave us the idea. It was a really good idea, and Nic was up to it. Unfortunately, the test audiences weren’t so positive about it all.”
The footage was apparently cut from the film after initial test audiences reacted unfavorably to it, many leaving the theater and demanding their money back. “There just wasn’t any real reason for it to go on that long,” stated Vinnie Dago, a participant in the early screenings in Los Angeles. “ I mean, dude. Nicolas Cage is not exactly the prettiest man in the world, and watching him do… that for 12 minutes? Man. After 8 minutes, I told my daughter that we were leaving. She’s 7 years old, and I don’t think she needs to see anyone do that for 12 minutes.”
The film is set for release on October 3rd, 2014, in celebration of the day in 1941 that all elderly Jewish men of Kerenchug Ukraine were killed by SS, and the Nazis blew up 6 synagogues in Paris.