(StopMasturbationNow)—World-famous meme template and sometimes Olympic gymnast, McKayla Maroney, is not impressed. Not impressed at all. Pictures of McKayla were included among those leaked in 2014’s The Fappening.
Like all good Christian soldiers, she initially denied that the photos were of her (1 Thessalonians 5:22, King Lonald Version). McKayla clarified her statements and issued this press bulletin:
“I am pursuing legal action to have these fake photos, which are not of me, removed from all websites currently hosting them. I hold the copyright to these fake photos which are not of me. More importantly, Someone Who Isn’t Me was underage when they were taken. I know this because the fake girl in these fake photos was radiocarbon dated to be 17 years old at the time.
Anyone who looks at these photos is guilty of possessing child pornography. This includes Someone Who Isn’t Me when I initially took and sent them, presumably to my perverted 52-year-old head coach, Arthur Akopyan. I mean, why else would you make a career of coaching underage girls in tight outfits if not to coax them into sending you nude photos? There’s no way you can look at those smooth thighs and toned buttcheeks all day, not to mention running your hands all over them, without fapping yourself silly when you go home to your ugly hag of a wife at night.
I mean, it’s one thing for every man across the globe to ogle a 14-year-old girl’s legs, feet, mosquito bites, camel toe, and hungry bum on national television while greedily clutching their sin sticks. It’s another entirely to look at outdated nude pictures of a 17-year-old who is now a legal adult. You all need Jesus, you disgusting jizz junkies.”
Fellow teammate Aly Raisman is reported to be ‘furious’ over the photos: “This scandal is not funny. During the 2012 Olympics, I was known as Aly ‘Junk in the Trunk’ Raisman. And now no one even cares enough about me to hack the iClouds for the nude photos I sent to my aging old perv of a coach, Mihai Brestyan. My heart is broken.”
The photos have been removed from Reddit.com and various pornographic websites, but an afternoon on the internet down at your local public library should be sufficient to locate them.