NFL Superstar, Adrian Peterson, Arrested for Spanking “The Gay” Out of His Son


Last week, Minnesota Vikings quarterback, Adrian Peterson, was arrested in his hometown for a mysterious domestic violence charge. This came on the heals of Jerry Rice’s suspension and dismissal from the Baltimore colts for disciplining his wife in an Atlantic City elevator.

Today, the Cobb County prosecutor announced that Adrian Peterson was in-fact, preventing his son from masturbating by “Spanking the Gay” out of him with a tree branch. Legal experts say that if Mr. Peterson did this in any other county in Texas, they would hold a parade for him, instead of arresting him.

The Mayor of Paris Texas, in neighboring Jefferson County, was quoted as saying, “For once in this state, we not only have a black man who is willing to discipline his child, but he’s keeping him from growing up like a pervert, and we are punishing him for it?” The Mayor’s sentiments seem to echo those of the entire state and Governor Rick Perry is expected to pardon Mr. Peterson if he is found guilty.

As expected, sales of Adrian Peterson jerseys have skyrocketed since the announcement of his anti masturbation treatment of his son.

About Liam McKey 44 Articles
Liam McKey is a former combat veteran and owner of the only Vegan-Certified ranch in the United States. He has two normal teenage children with his same-race wife. Liam is active in the community of Safford, Arizona where he lives. Mr. McKey is an expert on teenage masturbation addiction and has many degrees from various non-accredited faith-based colleges.
Contact: Website

9 Comments on NFL Superstar, Adrian Peterson, Arrested for Spanking “The Gay” Out of His Son

  1. If I were gay I would want this strong brother in Christ to spank it out of me. Praying long and hard for a pardon. Then I will rest for fifteen to thirty minutes and pray long and hard some more! Praise!

  2. Oh of course, it’s okay to make a kid cry and scream, just because their hormones (which I think everyone has unless they’re a robot), overwhelmed them. Tell me, Lonnie Childs and Liam McKey, did you have a whore to such your dick when you were a horny teenager? A pussy to fuck? Because if not, you must’ve been jacking off. God can’t make your bodily functions such as an erection go away — he gave them to you! And since when does that mean someone is gay if they touch themselves? What? Why…. this entire sight just hates people! While I do say corporal punishment is necessary for children so that they understand the meaning of consequences, never have I ever been so offended by an article.

    • We have plenty of ways for making inappropriate erections go away. Cold spoons work best but are not always available. If a cold spoon isn’t handy you can also think about Mexicans, Japanese trucks or the greatest president ever George W. Bush to make those erections go away. Praise!

    • You asked why someone is gay when they touch themselves? Here is why: Masturbation is a same-sex sex-act that one performs on themselves. By doing so, you touch the sex organ of your own gender and become so aroused that you climax. This conditions the body and mind to become a gay.
      It’s like Karate for perverts.

Comments are closed.