Last week, Minnesota Vikings quarterback, Adrian Peterson, was arrested in his hometown for a mysterious domestic violence charge. This came on the heals of Jerry Rice’s suspension and dismissal from the Baltimore colts for disciplining his wife in an Atlantic City elevator.
Today, the Cobb County prosecutor announced that Adrian Peterson was in-fact, preventing his son from masturbating by “Spanking the Gay” out of him with a tree branch. Legal experts say that if Mr. Peterson did this in any other county in Texas, they would hold a parade for him, instead of arresting him.
The Mayor of Paris Texas, in neighboring Jefferson County, was quoted as saying, “For once in this state, we not only have a black man who is willing to discipline his child, but he’s keeping him from growing up like a pervert, and we are punishing him for it?” The Mayor’s sentiments seem to echo those of the entire state and Governor Rick Perry is expected to pardon Mr. Peterson if he is found guilty.
As expected, sales of Adrian Peterson jerseys have skyrocketed since the announcement of his anti masturbation treatment of his son.